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    Default Friends with different parenting styles..

    Just curious - how do you deal with your friends who have different parenting styles to your own? I have quite a few friends with kids and I find that not only are their parenting styles different to my own but I actually disagree with some of their methods. Of course I do understand it's none of my business and all parents do what they believe is best for their kids so I don't ever say anything, but it's a big part of my life, and theirs; can a friendship last if I morally disagree with my friends' parenting techniques?

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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Good question! Wish I had an answer :/ My friendship with my bff is seriously in trouble for the last while. We disagree on *everything* parenting and as we both have 2 preschoolers you can imagine it's hard to avoid parenting in any conversation. ATM i'm really just biting my tongue and catching up infrequently and hoping we get through it. It's really hard :s

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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Live and let live.

    None of my friends parent the same as me. The only time it has caused a slight problem was when my DS threw a toy train at my friends son, and she was miffed that I didn't smack him (I deal with these situations in a different manner).

    But yeah - their parenting style is none of my business really.

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    Duplicate post

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    I had a major argument & bust up with my besties SIL whilst camping at Xmas time - she told me that 'if I smacked my DS1's a$$ more then he would listen to me' amongst other things! This was coming from someone who ignored my child/turned her back on him when he was talking to her & told her children to pack up their toys so that DS1 couldn't play with them - my son was 2 at the time and majority of he time is well behaved!

    Peronally If I don't agree with someone's parenting style then I keep it to myself unless it endangers the child.

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    I have the same thoughts about one friend from mothers group. She never does anything when her child kicks, punches, bites, hits my children and passes his behaviour off as being a boy. Then she will pull him by the ear for something really minor. She's really inconsistent.

    I know my parenting is not perfect, but I she is doing nearly everything wrong. Her sons are going to be so troubled when they're older.

    I avoid catching up with her now as much as possible, which is a shame as she's really nice, but I have to protect my kids. If she actually tried to guide her son to do the right thing, then I would be understanding of the hitting, but she does absolutely nothing. The other day at my daughter's party, he just went up and punched my other friend's son in the face. She saw it and turned away.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 30-05-2012 at 19:13.

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    I'd be interested to hear mumtobeat what you had in mind when you said 'morally' disagree? My main issue with my friend is her ignoring medical advice for her child and doctor shopping until she gets the advice she wants. The rest of it I can ignore or shrug off but I really struggle with this issue.

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    I think it depends.

    If it's just a case of "Well, I would have done that differently" - then I think it's not such a big deal.

    If it's a case of "I think that what my friend is doing is unacceptable" then there is a problem.

    Or if it's "I feel obliged to 'correct' my friend's parenting" or vice versa - then there is also a problem.

    A lot of my friends parent pretty similarly to me, and share views on major issues. There will always be minor differences - like one may allow a child to stand up on furniture, and one doesn't - but as long as each respects the other, and doesn't try to tell the child to do something contrary to the parent's 'system' then I think it can be a case of live and let live.

    For me (as with us all) there are many parenting philosophies that I do not follow. Examples would be attachment parenting, Steiner schooling, co-sleeping, and non-vaxxing. However, I have friends who subscribe to some of these philosophies, and I have respect that they have made those choices out of love for their child and a belief in what is right for them.

    If, however, the parenting style related to what I saw as a lack of love, and a lack of care in doing the right thing (whatever that may be), then I would find it hard to continue a friendship. Examples of this would be shouting/ swearing at children, physical abuse (I don't count a controlled gentle smack or tap as abuse, even though I don't do it myself), talking badly about the children, and general 'rough' behaviour with them.

    There are some friends of friends who I won't let DD anywhere near. I was never the biggest fan of these people in the first place, but at a friend's party they brought a toddler and a baby. They swore in front of both, didn't watch where the toddler was, said insulting 'joke' comments about the toddler (which included swearing), both drank and smoked heavily, and left the baby unattended in a separate building while making awful jokes about SIDS. I didn't have children at that point, and while I know they would have seen it all as a joke, and I'm sure they do love their children, it was enough for me to never want DD around them. They weren't friends to start with, but since having DD I have become less tolerant of people who I don't want her to be around.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTiggyWinkle View Post
    I'd be interested to hear mumtobeat what you had in mind when you said 'morally' disagree? My main issue with my friend is her ignoring medical advice for her child and doctor shopping until she gets the advice she wants. The rest of it I can ignore or shrug off but I really struggle with this issue.
    Not sure if morally disagree is the right term, more that their parenting styles 'unease' me.. One particular friends lets her kid do whatever he wants.. She let her child run rampent in my house, pulls out all of my DDs toys and breaking 2 of them. Instead of telling me she just put them back in DDs room and I found them a day later.. Another smokes around her son/while holding him - these kind of things.
    Last edited by PorkyPies; 19-06-2012 at 11:08.

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    it depends if it impacts on my child. seeing yelling and hitting would upset her, so i would avoid people who did those things


 

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