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  1. #51
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Hey TOUGHLOVE, let me ask you, how old were you when you had sex for the first time? If it was anything under 25, you could have been in our shoes, too.

    Sex= the chance of pregnancy, even when you take precautions. Too bad we're not all perfect and "lucky", like you.

    Having my son at 17 was the best thing that ever happened to me.

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    just finishing high school (hopefully) then having a child..is really not a good thing..most likely they have not worked (a proper job)..have no
    money..not set up with a house..steady relationship..maturity..understanding of life..emotions..brain fully developed..

    and yes not all 35 year olds have achieved this
    Sounds like you go by the general soap Oprah teenage mum. I assure you we are not all like that. Infact I find quite the opposite. Yes sure some maybe how you think however there are always good mothers and poor mothers regardless of age.

    My story, see how you view me and wether you would judge me as a silly girl?

    I was 18.5 when I fell pregnant with my first and yes a great shock. My bf at the time (now husband) was 23. I was one year out of high school but had been working full time and part time since 15 and already had savings, a new car (no finance) he worked in the mines and also had his own car, boat, motor bikes etc (no finance). I already had a qualification and owned a 3rd of an apartment in Brisbane 5kms from the city (from being vigilant and saving from very early on) I had travelled many parts of the world (throughout my childhood right till I was 17) I had experienced love and how it hurts aswell from a past bf. I knew life from an early age. I knew the dangers from life, the great opportunities, I knew, experienced and had seem many things many people have never and will never in a life time.

    Was I right to keep my baby because I was a teen mum not long out of school? Absolutely. I was aware of life. I was and am mature. I knew what consequences are and therefor I had a responsibility to my unborn child. My bf was a great person who supported me throughout everything. I had my child in a private hospital under private care because we made sure we could provide everything.

    Fast forward now. I am 23 he is soon 28. Married (big wedding we paid for) bought pur second house, been through a flood and lost everything and recovered on our own, happy, well settled family. We are a hell of alot better off then I would say many people. We worked hard, our children are happy, independent, LOVED and provided for children. If we had of had children 5-10 years later we couldn't have given them anything less then what we do now.

    Now I know this is just me. But I can assure you I have many fine examples of amazing young mothers and fathers (younger then what I was) that are the best parents I have ever met.
    Last edited by 1CrazyMoose; 30-05-2012 at 20:09.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BMJandBaby View Post
    Hey TOUGHLOVE, let me ask you, how old were you when you had sex for the first time? If it was anything under 25, you could have been in our shoes, too.

    Sex= the chance of pregnancy, even when you take precautions. Too bad we're not all perfect and "lucky", like you.

    Having my son at 17 was the best thing that ever happened to me.
    Wow i absolutely LOVE your post!!! Thanks. If only those who judged stepped back and thought for a moment.

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  7. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    I can see this topic is very touchy..and my point will never be understood..will back away..
    I understand your point. That the best time to have a baby is when everything else in life is 'set up' and you feel ready. Im just trying to point out that not everyone thinks their life has to be 'perfect' to choose to have a child. Everyone is 'ready' for childten at different ages. Not everyone chooses to have children young, but are greatful for their 'happy accident.' I hope to be a lifelong learner and continually creating and achieving new goals, if i waited until i had achieved everything i wanted to achieve i would never have kids ever

    Does choosing not to abort my happy accident and wait until i was older and in the 'perfect' time/situation make me a lesser parent? (BTW no such thing as the perfect time to have a kid, and everyone is ready to tackle parenthood at different ages).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    There is crap parents everywhere..but really is having a child at 18 something you would want your kid to do?
    If my child was in a loving supportive relationship I wouldn't care how old they were . Happy relationship aside, I'd prob be happier for my daughter to have a baby at 18 than wait til she was 35+ and possibly have to deal with fertility issues. I was 22, so a little bit older but having kids really has completed me, it's been the best thing ever for me.

    Anyway, OP, I didn't initially feel judged as a young mum because where we are from it's pretty normal, 22 is getting on the older side lol! My boyfriend (now husband) was 18, and yeah, it's young but wasn't a big deal. It wasn't til we moved here (Melbourne) I started noticing people really judging me, and moreso when I had my second less than 2 yrs later, like having 2 kids before you're 25 is a big no-no. I also looked younger than I was and dressed like a young person (hoodies etc).

    Im now 32 and have aged a LOT in the last 10 years so prob look nearly 30 and I dress a bit more grown up now lol. My husband who was really skinny is now very nicely built and looks his age and I've noticed we don't get the looks we used to, even though to have kids our age we were obviously young when we had them. But I think coz we don't look that young NOW people don't necessarily add it up in their heads.

    Im pregnant with our fourth and fifth now, and I LOVE it when I'm out without the kids, and people always ask 'is it your first?' (coz around 30 is the 'normal' age to have your first here), I love the look on their face when I say 'no, this is my fourth and fifth' hahaha!!!

    So yeah, I found as I got older, and looked older the judgement lessened xx

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    I have got to tell you that I am jellious, I lost a baby at 15 and would have been 16 when bubba is born. It really annoys me when people look down on young mums!! Who is to say that they are "freril" or don't look after their babies!! I wish people would lay off!! Hahaha and I had DD at 22 and I was single, everyone else can go jump

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    on the flip side, does anyone think first time older mums (35+) get judged as well?
    For being career driven or infertile or travelling or enjoying their youth to much to settle down and reproduce?

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    Quote Originally Posted by chookylaa View Post
    on the flip side, does anyone think first time older mums (35+) get judged as well?
    For being career driven or infertile or travelling or enjoying their youth to much to settle down and reproduce?

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    Absolutely! Although I'm not sure if it's as.... Prevalent as it is with young mums? I really dont know so don't quote me as saying its not!
    Just in my personal experience, I have found people tend to judge young mums more openly (for lack of a better word), then older mums. But it definitely happens.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chookylaa View Post
    on the flip side, does anyone think first time older mums (35+) get judged as well?
    For being career driven or infertile or travelling or enjoying their youth to much to settle down and reproduce?

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    Yep. Unfortunately there is always at least one butthead ignoramous who will judge anyone for anything, or for not making the same choices as themselves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    just finishing high school (hopefully) then having a child..is really not a good thing..most likely they have not worked (a proper job)..have no
    money..not set up with a house..steady relationship..maturity..understanding of life..emotions..brain fully developed..

    and yes not all 35 year olds have achieved this
    Notice Maybelline has said that not all 35 year olds have achieved this?

    Why the attacks?

    Me personally- I moved out at 16 with my now DH (he's the same age). Suffered a missed miscarriage at 17. Had DS at 19, DD at 22 and am pregnant now (26). We have built our own home and earn enough to not be on any benefits.

    However. I still think I was too young. At the time I didn't. Perhaps not till I was 23/24 did I realise that I should've waited. But that's a personal observation.

    Someone else asked if you'd want your kids to be young parents? Hell no. I wouldn't. That's not to say I wouldn't support my children, I would. But I'd love for them to travel and experience different things before having kids.

    I don't judge young or old parents. You do what you wanna do


 

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