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  1. #31
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    I mean, actually measuring these constructs (ie frequency of praise and bullying behaviour by children)?

  2. #32
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    Bullying often stems from being bullied, it's a vicious circle!

    Does everyone remember Casey Heynis? The kid that was bullied in a Western Sydney high school and power-slammed his bully? Weeellllll I was the stupid idiot that sent his video viral, gave him endless support, and became a huge anti-bully advocate! One year later and Casey is banned from my house because he bullies my son.
    So Casey was given love and support by people of all walks of life, and in turn he became the very person he despised - a bully!

  3. #33
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    This particular researcher is talking about existing research indicating that a focus on self esteem has produced more young people low on empathy and high on narcissism. I don't believe she is referring to one particular study where they found praise was causing children to bully but rather she is discussing the results of many studies over the last 30 years showing a pattern and concluding that based on these studies excessive praise "could" be a risk factor.

    In saying that i am sure there would be studies looking at just that, however i do not have the time tonight to have a look through.

    I have already given a number of studies which suggest that an inflated self-esteem increases the odds of aggressive behavior/bullying such as (Baumeister, 2001; Bushman & Baumeister, 1998). There is quite a bit of empirical evidence in support of this - so after looking through the 30 years of research, it would seem a theme has arisen. If I wasn't studying for my exams i would go through some studies and pick put some tidbits, but time does not allow tonight i am afraid.

    I thought this interview between the researcher in question and George Negus provided some good insights into bullying in general though;

    http://www.abc.net.au/gnt/people/Tra...s/s1062986.htm
    Last edited by Ulysses; 31-05-2012 at 21:03.

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    I think there's a difference between narcissism and high self esteem. My personal opinion is that praise alone doesn't create narcissism if it's taught with humility. It usually comes with parents that teach the 'survival of the fittest' competitive mentality, where they say things like "you beat billy bc he sucks at running and you're a much better runner", rather than "wow, you tried so hard and you did so well!".

    Personally I think bullying stems from low self esteem. The over inflated sense of self esteem and entitlement is just a facade. I liken it to comedians that often report suffering depression and bullying as kids and say a sense of homour was a way of covering up how unhappy they were. They were the joker therefore that was their identity. A bully bullies to pump up his own lack of self esteem and get external validation from others. But that's JMHO.

  5. #35
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    There is a difference between narcissism and self esteem, I think the article is making a link between the focus on self esteem and narcissism/low empathy - not that they are the same thing. This theory has been around for some time now. The main point is that if we try too hard to raise our kids self esteem by praising inappropriately then there is the risk of creating narcissistic tendencies such as;

    • Believing that you're better than others
    • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
    • Exaggerating your achievements or talents
    • Expecting constant praise and admiration
    • Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
    • Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
    • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
    • Taking advantage of others
    • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
    • Being jealous of others
    • Believing that others are jealous of you
    • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
    • Setting unrealistic goals
    • Being easily hurt and rejected
    • Having a fragile self-esteem
    • Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
    So in an attempt to raise kids with stable high self esteem we could end up with the opposite or we could end up with a kid who has high self esteem but no empathy and a need to keep their status as high by putting others down.


    As opposed to thinking of it as too much praise, I think the point of the article is surrounding too much praise done inappropriately in an attempt to build a child's self esteem, where it is better to have a balanced approach, criticism and mistakes can be a good learning tool. If everything they do is wonderful then they certainly could end up with an inflated sense of self and it wouldnt be too far a stretch to see how that could affect ones tendency towards narcissism or low empathy.

    Here is a child psychologist talking a bit about over praising, maybe they will explain it a bit better than I. Also a video on praise effort vs result.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPmH2...eature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4DtME94ZDM

    I also think this video outlines the difference between praise and positive acknowledgement very well. It can be confusing about how much and when is best for your kids development.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzjeU0rKHlI

    There are also a couple of different styles of bullying, but the leading research on bullying has shown that a common type of bully (school jock.popular kid type) is actually high on self esteem. There are a number of studies that have been done on this topic and it is what they are teaching in Psychology courses at university. One of the worlds leading researchers on Bullying has provided some information that describes the profile of bully, and it is often the bully victim that suffers from low self esteem sadly, and even worse a large number of kids who are bullied are those with special needs or other issues.

    http://www.apa.org/research/action/bullying.aspx

    I do think there are also types of bullies that are low in self esteem but I don't they are influenced by over praising or inappropriate praising, it is probably quite the opposite with them.

    Every kid is different and every parent has their own style, but i can certainly see the value in praising when appropriate versus praising everything a child does in order to build self esteem. Realistic and task/time appropriate praising and encouragement should be adequate. I should add I am confident most parents instinctually know this anyway, sometimes there is so much conflicting advice, but in the end balance wins out if you ask me.
    Last edited by Ulysses; 01-06-2012 at 08:58.


 

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