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  1. #1
    Ulysses's Avatar
    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    Default "too much praise" linked with bullying

    Interesting read regarding the issues of focusing too much on praise in children, and how an exaggerated sense of entitlement can lead to bullying in some kids.

    The research on bullying is very interesting, it can be so devastating to those kids who are subjected to it - it changes their lives for ever.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-05-3...ullies/4041198

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    Wow that's really interesting. I guess we really need to start focusing on teaching our children empathy.

    It's amazing how bullying is carried well into adulthood. I have a few friends who have been deeply affected by the taunts they received from other children many years ago.

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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    That's what I've stressed to my kids. That the only way I will EVER be disappointed is if I find out they were picking on somebody. They can fail every exam and come last in every race and I couldn't care less. But I so want them to be good people - kind, empathetic, compassionate.

    Happy to say, so far so good!

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    Ulysses's Avatar
    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    theres a psychologist in norway who has done alot of research on the topic, after a few kids had suicided as a result of bullying and their govt. paid for him to find out the best approach to deal with bullying.

    The research found that there isn't much to be gained from making kids face their bullies and have them sit down with the bully for them to apologise (usually done in a school setting and supervised). Instead the research found that the best approach is to work on the bystanders. The people that actively watch/look/witness the bullying, they are the ones who we should focus on to change the bullying culture, because the bullies are often not going to change no matter what. So efforts are now being made to encourage kids not to put up with other kids being bullied - to teach them to say no to other kids being bullied and to try not to reinforce bullying by providing an audience to the kids who do it.

    They also found that many if not most bullies are highly emotionally intelligent and use this as a way of intimidating and picking on others.

    It is a devastating thing to happen to a kid. It starts early too, which is really upsetting when you see your kid being picked on "excluded" because they are on the outer this week.
    Last edited by Ulysses; 30-05-2012 at 16:21.

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    My husband calls this the reality star syndrome. He thinks people go on these shows thinking they can sing/dance/act etc etc because the parents have never told them that they are in fact no good at what they are doing, lol.

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    I think teaching kids - and adults for that matter - to stand up for someone else in a bullying type situation is a great idea.

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    I also wonder if there can be a danger of people who were themselves bullied at school may (sometimes) tolerate bullying behaviour in their own child, because they are relieved that their child is the bully rather than the victim.

    I've come across this with a few people I know, where their attitude is "Good!" when their children push other kids, or snatch something, as they are just so relieved that their child is not a 'pushover'. And these are lovely people I'm talking about - just ones who fear that their kids will go through bad times at school.

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    Bonkers is offline wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
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    I didn't read the link I'm on my phone. But I got the jist with the comments.

    I observed on Facebook a lady who use to go to school with me who now has a son was told by the teaches that he pushes other kids and stuff like that... She then went and put it on fb saying what a tough little man and he gets that from his dad, and she had about 10 comments on it saying things along the lines of that's my boy.... W..T..F I was so appalled by this. Bullying is not something parents should brag about.

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    Great article thanks for sharing! I especially like this: "But to just shift the focus away from self-esteem, which is more about what you've got and who you are, over to self-respect, which is being able to say: 'I'm a good person, I treat other people well, I'm pleased when I succeed at things, but I'm humble about it, not superior, and I accept myself with all my limitations and I can deal with life'."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I also wonder if there can be a danger of people who were themselves bullied at school may (sometimes) tolerate bullying behaviour in their own child, because they are relieved that their child is the bully rather than the victim.

    I've come across this with a few people I know, where their attitude is "Good!" when their children push other kids, or snatch something, as they are just so relieved that their child is not a 'pushover'. And these are lovely people I'm talking about - just ones who fear that their kids will go through bad times at school.
    I have a friend who was bullied for a number of years throughout school. Besides leaving her with deep psychological scars it has turned her into an adult bully. She will berate people and put them down. She will often take over the task another person is doing without invitation and is generally intimidating.

    I think it's a great idea to get the bystanders to stand up to the bully. I know the feeling at the time is if I stand up to them they will turn on me too. But if there are enough of the bully's peers having a negative reaction to their behaviour then they will soon stop it. After all they want to be accepted by their peers as much as everyone else no matter how much self esteem they possess

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