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  1. #1
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    Default TTC #1 and one family member not very supportive

    I dont know if I am posting this in the right section but im sure a mod or someone can move it if its not.

    Anyway, my story is that I have been with my DP now for 6 years. He has a son to a previous relationship who he has had primary care of since DSS was 6 months old.

    DSS sees me as his mum and I see him as my son. However this is not the issue.

    I have wanted a baby for a long time and finally DP has come around to the idea and thinks we are ready, not only emotionally but we are in the best financial position we have ever been in.

    DP is excited and told my parents, who were great about it, it will be their first bio grandchild, but unfortunately DP's mother, well she is not so excited.

    Whenever it has been brought up previously she always finds excuses why we should wait and this time is no exception. "Just wait 6 more months" she says, "you will be in an even better position financially". Everything to her is about money. She has even gone so far as to say that if we continue TTC now and not when she thinks we should that we need not ask for her help when I go back to work.

    DP has told her that we wont need her help, that my mum has agreed to help out once I go back to work.

    Currently she helps us with DSS, i.e picks him from school for us, she has said she will continue to do that, but that she doenst want to help with the new baby.

    There was a time before when we were TTC and MIL got in DP's ear and convinced him to wait, I just hope it doesnt happen this time.

    I dont know what to do, normally my MIL and I are very close and i dont want this to come between us, but unfortunately i feel like it will.

  2. #2
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    Tell her to mind her own sodding business!! Its up to you and your DP whether or not you try for a baby..and if shes going to be petty and try and hold something against you for it then in my books shes not worth a moment of your time. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I really really dislike it when other people tell someone how they should live their lives and use things against them for it. You are both adults so whats wrong with you wanting to extend your family?

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  4. #3
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    I just wouldn't tell her that you are trying and ask your DP to keep it between the two of you she doesn't need to know, we are currently ttc #2 and have not told anyone and won't untill we have conceived it's so much better that way

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    Quote Originally Posted by happy86 View Post
    I just wouldn't tell her that you are trying and ask your DP to keep it between the two of you she doesn't need to know, we are currently ttc #2 and have not told anyone and won't untill we have conceived it's so much better that way
    This!
    We havent told anyone either..cos its no ones business!! No one will know till we are about 13 weeks along either!

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    What is with these MIL acting like they own their sons and try and get in and run their lives? Jeeze. Don't tell her anything else. You and your DP go about it TTC and if she wants to behave like that and refuse to help out with a new baby, so be it. The only one who will suffer is her missing out on time with her grandchild.

    That's exactly why I never ever told anyone when we were purposely trying, didn't want to hear stuff like what your MIL is on about.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy86 View Post
    I just wouldn't tell her that you are trying and ask your DP to keep it between the two of you she doesn't need to know, we are currently ttc #2 and have not told anyone and won't untill we have conceived it's so much better that way
    I think we will do this. We have to, otherwise its just not going to be the joy we want it to be.

    At the end of the day its not her life, and if she decides she doesnt want to help out with the baby then so be it. Not our problem. Sometimes i do feel though that if she had it her way, DSS would be her only grandchild forever. Even though she has 2 others (BIL's kids) she doesnt treat them the same as DSS.

    I also think the fact that her DH (who is my partners step dad) decided he didnt want any kids of his own and just raised the 2 she had from a previous relationship.

    I dont know if im reading too much into it now, but i think she might think if she can make us wait and wait then it will be too late.

    I dont know but i dont care anymore, we are going to continue TTC.

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    Good for you. How dare anyone tell you how YOUR life should go. Nobody knows what is best for you except you. Just try to avoid the subject. If my partner told his mother we were going to try I would have kicked him into the dog house. If she brings it up again then just smile and say don't worry about it it's all sorted and refuse to go into details. And if your partner dosn't have the b**ls to think for himself then you'll just have to do it for him.

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    I think as long as you & DP are on the same page about ttc then really in-laws can have an opinion BUT that's all it is- an opinion! I had a similar situation which is sort of settling down now.. We're ttc but we're learning to take any comments with a grain of salt! I'm sure your MIL will be over the moon when the time comes! Hang in there


 

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