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  1. #11
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    it is your body and your birth and entierly your decision.

    I am sure your family is upset that they wont be there to 'support' you, but My guess is they are more disapointed that they wont be there for the magical first moments of your bub entering the world.

    You as the birthing mother, and your DP as the father, have final say over what is and isnt right for YOU (and the baby)

    I had a birth plan very similar to yours (a few days to bond as a family first) I felt this was SO important especial as it was our 1st (and 2nd) Its such a life changing event, and important that you get a grip on it before concerning anyone else.

    I will not lie to you, I had alot of critism to deal with after sticking firm with my decision.

    I do not regret the decision I made, but I do still hold a grude against certin family members who has the nerve to make me 'pay' for excluding them from the birth (months and months of cold shoulder and passive aggressive comments)

    At the time, it was the best decision for me and my babys.

    This topic still makes me mad. I do not understand why other people think they have the RIGHT to be present. I am sure they love the mother, father and unborn child very much, but love MUST extend to a trust that the mother and father know what is best for them and their new family. there is not much difference between a hour old baby and a 3 day old baby anyway.

  2. #12
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    You sound like you really know what you want to just politely tell them this is what makes you comfortable. Having said that. This is a first labour so it may be quite long and your 'support' person may need some suport. I had a 16 hour labour in the middle of the night so i was so glad i had someone else to help my Dh out when he got tired. I had a close friend (who i was comfortable with) with us and she went out to get food for my DH cos he was seriously hungry. I know this sounds like i was looking after him while he should be looking after me but it was the best decision i made becasue he was no help to me if he was hungry and tired.
    I knew i didnt want to be alone during labour so when DH needed a break i had someone else there.

    Of course if you really dont want anyone else there stand your ground and explain that you need to feel comfortable and having too many people around you while you birth is jsut goana make it harder.
    Do promise however to keep everyone informed as to whats happening (via sms or phone call)
    Good luck

  3. #13
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    I would be putting my foot down and doing things the way you want them. Be prepared for people to be disappointed but they will get over it, you may not get over feeling that the birth of your first baby was planned to please others.

    Just wanted to ask- what are your mum and sister planning to do? Will they be staying with you waiting for you to go into labour?

  4. #14
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    Ps it doesnt sound like they want to be your 'support' person at all.

  5. #15
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    It's your birth. Do what makes you feel comfortable doing. Even if means you hurt people along the way.

    My first birth I had DP, bestie and my sister. And as I went into pushing mode I asked for my bestie and sister to leave the room. It was already a circus show with DP, 5midwives and a dr in there. Before I was even in hospital I had my mother and MIL there taking the time of each contraction and it made it worse when they were like oh shes due for the next one. Not very relaxing at all.

    With dd2 it was just my dp and I and a midwife and it was nice and peaceful and it was the best birthing experience I couldve hoped for.

    So put your foot down be firm that its what you want, it's what you are comfortable with. And when you are ready they can meet bubs.

  6. #16
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    Your birth. Your choice.

    Don't compromise on what you want for other people. They will get over it eventually.

  7. #17
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    Ok so I really feel your anxiety!!

    Hoping not to take over your thread but here is my situation: I am 27, single and ttc baby #1. I am a super organized person and a lot of people around me are very excited, especially my folks as it will be there first grandchild. Discussions are already happening as to a draft birth plan. Here is what has been preliminarily worked out so far. I will be giving birth in a hospital an hour away and I have 4 support people enlisted. 3 are really close friends, one has had 3 children and the other two are so kind and caring I know they will be my advocates when I'm too doped out/exhausted to tell docs etc what I want to tell them. One of these people work, and the one with kids may not be able to make it if they can't organize care/hubby etc. The fourth is my mum, who is a trained nurse, midwife, mother of three, although can get a bit emotional and easily has her feelings hurt. My reasoning for having do many is that I don't want to be on my own for labour and I am hoping to rotate these 4 in a tag team system. More so, if I unintentionally tell one to go jump (very likely), I have them to tag another in and not take anything I say to heart. I have also invited my dad to cut the cord as he doesn't want to be in the delivery room but still wants to be a part of the birth. In the first hour or so I have told them that I need my space so would be a good idea for them all to go and get some food, after an initial coo over baby of course. And as for when we get home, I haven't thought that far but I do know any offer to cook clean etc will be gratefully accepted as long as they don't get in my way.

    I know I will receive bad comments as to my choices but my point is, everyone is different, all labours are different and you cannot predict what is going to happen. I just know that I want as many people as possible around me to help me adapt to being a new mum. I also know that due to the distance to hospital I have to preempt who I need rather than wanting someone there who is not and having to wait.

    After all this, my main advice to you is do what you feel and try and keep the family peace without compromising your wishes. After all your family will play a huge part in your child's life in the future. I am gonna stop rambling now.... Good luck!!!

  8. #18
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    It's totally your choice, however I know my mum and SIL were massive help to me. Dh was just a mess and couldn't stand to look at me in pain so he was pretty much useless.

    My mum stayed with me at home with dh for one week and I found it a massive relief especially as I had a very traumatic section.

    Its to to you, but I would consider having another support person with you, someone to rub your back or wipe your face.

    I had over 20 people in the waiting room and to be honest didn't even care if they were bored. I didn't even know they were coming until they were there.

    I enjoyed visitors at the hospital bur when I got home I wanted to tell ppl to get lost!!!



    mummy to gods gift to us

  9. #19
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    Your labour ... Your decision
    Only thing I would suggest is have everyone who wants to visit come to the hospital in the first day and then leave you alone for a week!
    With my ds (1st baby) we didn't let anyone visit on the first day but then people all came the next day and day after - some not in visiting hours - I was absolutely beside myself because I was getting no rest ; with dd (2nd baby) we got everyone to come the day she was born and then asked to be left alone - it worked way better

  10. #20
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    Firstly, thank you for all the comments! I now feel like my requests are actually reasonable, and I'm not just being mean!

    What annoys me, like TheWhiteKnight said, is people who feel like they have the "right" to be there. I think it's worse when mothers themselves try to intrude - surely they remember what it was like when they were giving birth?

    I like the idea of taking visitors at the hospital. I will be in there for 2-3 days, so hopefully I can get majority of the visitors out of the way before I go home. I think I'll then plan a small bbq or something for a few weeks later and invite the rest of my family and friends who haven't seen the baby yet. I'm fortunate in that I live about an hour and a half from the nearest family member, so it's not like people can just "pop in".

    My DP is also scared of failing me and is doubting himself. He doesn't want me to be left alone if he's not doing a good job, faints, or if anything else happens, so he wants me to have another support person just in case. I just really don't want one, and I have faith he'll step up when the time comes. It's just trying to convince him of that in the meantime!

    My mother and sister were planning on coming and staying with my for two weeks around my due date (it was originally four). This makes things a little difficult. Do I kick them out when I go into labour? Do I tell them to stay at a hotel (which would be very expensive)? I suggested they just wait until the baby was born before they fly up to see me, but that is how this whole issue came about in the first place.

    Bah, I'll work something out!


 

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