Something that really bothers me, the judgement from others that we have 'dumped' our loved ones in homes.
My heart goes out to all of you that have lost loved ones to this horrible disease. One uni summer I helped look after my friend's nana who had advanced dementia, I just did 4 hours every afternoon between her carer's shifts. My friends mum was a geriatric nurse so they were able to keep her at home but it was incredibly hard on everyone. Depending on the progression of the disease it can be harder on the family, I think this thread is a great idea :-)
None of you have dumped anyone anywhere. At some point with this disease it becomes physically impossible for a lay person to provide the care that they really need. If it hasn't happened yet, it WILL happen. It doesn't mean you've failed as a spouse/child/grandchild either... Please remember that.
People who make judgements like that have never had to wipe an aging woman's **** before, or shower her, or had to perform CPR when the brain has another TIA (mini-stroke). They've never had to chose between their career and their parent, or their children's welfare and their parent... Or watch as their grandmother strips in a shipping centre!
oh yeah. Thankfully no-one has ever voiced to me their disapproval (if they have it) for where Mum is.
but i've had trouble with some judgemental staff at the home.
sometimes the patients are verrrrrry difficult indeed.
in a word - it sucks. the whole thing for everyone.
Unfortunately my Nanna when we first placed her in the nursing home felt this way. And was quite angry and aggressive over it. She even rang my Dad and threatened to have him charged with kidnapping!
Nobody thought we'd made the right choice... Even though we had placed her there due to her sustaining concussion from falling on a road whilst buying icecream for two boys.. The two boys were only in her head though, they weren't real.
Anyone who judges a family for putting a dementia patient in a care facility can jam it. My family were not equipped, skilled or trained to look after someone who is, for all intents and purposes, bascially insane.
ETA: Let's not remember our loved ones as they were in hospital, let's remember something nice about them. What was something special you're loved one did before they became ill? As I said in my PP, my Nanna bought uncut bread and would stand it on end, butter the end then cut it off with the dexterity of a skilled surgeon. If I did that the bread would be 1cm on one side and about 5cm on the other side with a hole in the middle.
Last edited by Busy-Bee; 30-05-2012 at 10:43.
I've seen it a lot through family and mum and anyone who has guilt about homes I just wanted to let you know that there are staff who love your family members a lot too, you see some pretty crappy stuff on the news etc but there are people treating your family like their own. My mum is a facility manager but comes from nursing so she has that nurturing thing I guess. She goes out of her way to give her residents love and respect and kindness anyway she can. She's devastated at leaving them now for her new job in a new facility but wants to be close to us and her grandchildren, but she struggles leaving her residents a lot and has been quite upset about it.
Xxx its a crappy thing
Nanna's sunday roasts... More specifically, her cauliflower cheese. She made a killer cauliflower cheese!
Also; the love between her & Pop. Known each other most of their lives, and were married 70yrs (then we lost Pop). They were and still are a legendary couple in our town and they were the sweetest couple ever
Yup! But at least we'll be oblivious to what's going on.
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