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  1. #11
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    Hey guys..my grandmother has dementia..I believe it may be in-farct dementia.

    I worked as an AIN in a Dementia specific ward for 4 years so I know the ins and outs of the disease and how it affects people..It truly is a terrible terrible disease and although Im finding it easier dealing with my nannas illness than I thought I would..what hurts more is how much its hurting my mum. I know whats going to happen..but mum doesnt and its so heartbreaking having my mum ring me in tears because nanna forgot who she was or started hallucinating. Great Idea for a thread OP!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    It is SO exhausting visiting her. We used to go out every Wednesday for shopping and coffee but I just can't do it anymore with 2 toddlerS, and uni etc etc etc. So now it's just the odd appointment here and there and popping in for 10 minutes.
    Anyway I've found myself distancing myself from her as its all just so hard... I feel so guilty.
    We went through this with one grandmother, seeing less and less of her as she got worse. And the extended family saw this as cruel, that we should have been there more. But honestly i had to protect dd as it was just too sad, and eventually nan was mean to dd as well. We were pretty close prior to that, so I eventually looked at is as, I gave her so much when she was ok, and supported her then, and others supported her later. She knew how much i loved her and that was what was important.
    I'm sure yours is the same xx

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    Anyway I've found myself distancing myself from her as its all just so hard... I feel so guilty.
    Please don't feel guilty. You have to protect yourself and your emotional wellbeing also.

    My Nanna had dementia.. Yes, had. She has passed now, on April 20th. It was a hard run with her & her dementia; especially after she lost all memory of who I was. It hurt, and I distanced myself. I felt guilty as sin, but visiting her was so upsetting for me and the kids.

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  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrazySingleMama84 View Post
    Please don't feel guilty. You have to protect yourself and your emotional wellbeing also.

    My Nanna had dementia.. Yes, had. She has passed now, on April 20th. It was a hard run with her & her dementia; especially after she lost all memory of who I was. It hurt, and I distanced myself. I felt guilty as sin, but visiting her was so upsetting for me and the kids.
    Thanks. I'm sorry for your loss ((hugs)).
    It's comforting to know that it's common to distance oneself... It (she) consumes a lot of energy which I struggle to find.. !

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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrunks View Post
    We went through this with one grandmother, seeing less and less of her as she got worse. And the extended family saw this as cruel, that we should have been there more. But honestly i had to protect dd as it was just too sad, and eventually nan was mean to dd as well. We were pretty close prior to that, so I eventually looked at is as, I gave her so much when she was ok, and supported her then, and others supported her later. She knew how much i loved her and that was what was important.
    I'm sure yours is the same xx
    She does, we talk on the phone an she always says "I'm so lucky I have you". She's quite vulnerable around me.

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    Thanks. I'm sorry for your loss ((hugs)).
    It's comforting to know that it's common to distance oneself... It (she) consumes a lot of energy which I struggle to find.. !
    Dont feel guilty for distancing yourself. It is very draining and each day i come home from work, i am thankful nobody in my family has it as i couldnt go through with it and struggle to deal with it.

    Sent from my GT-I9000T using BubHub

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    I was 25 when it became aparent to me my mother had dementia. She's been in a home since 2004. In the last couple of years she had deteriorated to the point where she can't walk without being held by two staff and can't toilet or do anything. She cannot converse at all, although she can talk. (if that makes sense). She knows who I am so that is good and I'm all she wants - plus my brother.
    I can't read the posts here by aged care staff because they rip me up too much to know the details of their perspective.
    I am just so full of guilt about her right now I don't ackowledge it and just put it out of my head - I have a 5 month old baby who can't cope with the 45 minute car ride to the nursing home. She screams and cries miserably all the way there and back and then won't feed and won't sleep.
    I can't visit without her because she is exclusively breastfed and will not take a bottle of ebm at all. We have tried but she just won't.
    I made the decision not to visit Mum until bub is on solids next month and might take ebm from a sippy cup - and I'll go on my own. (this worked with my first bub so it will work for this one too).
    Due to her physical state, we are not in any way comfortable with attempting to bring Mum here to the house becasue frankly, we couldn't get her in and out of the car let alone up the front steps.
    I cannot deal with the toileting thing. I just can't.
    I don't cope well with any aspect of this stituation at all. I've had a fair bit of counselling which has helped.
    I cannot describe the heartbreak I feel about Mum and all the other residents in her home and residents anywhere for that matter.
    Life and age can be soooo cruel.
    Actually I can barely cope with this thread at all.
    Now to put my head back in the sand until I can visit her more often again....

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  12. #18
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    Faroutbrusselsprout are you speaking about your mother?

    I used to take mine out every saturday all day for shopping lunch and fun but had to stop this with the birth of my first. She has deteriiorated a lot since her outtings with me stopped which I'm not sure is such a co-incidence.

  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by onedayatatime View Post
    I was 25 when it became aparent to me my mother had dementia. She's been in a home since 2004. In the last couple of years she had deteriorated to the point where she can't walk without being held by two staff and can't toilet or do anything. She cannot converse at all, although she can talk. (if that makes sense). She knows who I am so that is good and I'm all she wants - plus my brother.
    I can't read the posts here by aged care staff because they rip me up too much to know the details of their perspective.
    I am just so full of guilt about her right now I don't ackowledge it and just put it out of my head - I have a 5 month old baby who can't cope with the 45 minute car ride to the nursing home. She screams and cries miserably all the way there and back and then won't feed and won't sleep.
    I can't visit without her because she is exclusively breastfed and will not take a bottle of ebm at all. We have tried but she just won't.
    I made the decision not to visit Mum until bub is on solids next month and might take ebm from a sippy cup - and I'll go on my own. (this worked with my first bub so it will work for this one too).
    Due to her physical state, we are not in any way comfortable with attempting to bring Mum here to the house becasue frankly, we couldn't get her in and out of the car let alone up the front steps.
    I cannot deal with the toileting thing. I just can't.
    I don't cope well with any aspect of this stituation at all. I've had a fair bit of counselling which has helped.
    I cannot describe the heartbreak I feel about Mum and all the other residents in her home and residents anywhere for that matter.
    Life and age can be soooo cruel.
    Actually I can barely cope with this thread at all.
    Now to put my head back in the sand until I can visit her more often again....
    Oh so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry..
    Hugs.

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  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by onedayatatime View Post
    Faroutbrusselsprout are you speaking about your mother?

    I used to take mine out every saturday all day for shopping lunch and fun but had to stop this with the birth of my first. She has deteriiorated a lot since her outtings with me stopped which I'm not sure is such a co-incidence.
    No, grandmother. But no other family (until last month) lived near her. It was a big responsibility for me to keep regular contact.


 

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