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  1. #1
    Ana Gram's Avatar
    Ana Gram is offline 2008 WINNER - straight shooter award
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    Default Dementia Support Group

    Firstly, apologies to the mods for putting this here. I couldn't find a section where this would really fit, but if you can find somewhere more appropriate, please move it.

    I have noticed in several threads that many of us have parents or grandparents or other family members or friends who are in varying stages of dementia. I thought it might be good to have a thread where we can talk and get support. So here we are...

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    While i dont personally have anyone related to me with dementia, i work with people who do and its very hard. I struggle through my day at work because i dont have anyone i can really talk to about it as some staff tell me to harden up so i have been keeping it all to myself lately.

    Doesnt help i get attached to some of them either.

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    Would love to be involved in providing support. my grandma had dementia and lived with us when I was 12 before moving into a nursing home. It was honestly the worst year of my life, so I can't imagine what it was like for my mum... I did a lot of "home nurse" duties and grew up pretty damn fast because of the experience, grandma just got worse and worse, not better.

    It's a horrible disease, and my heart goes out to anyone and their families who have to live with it like my family did. Hope you guys have some space to vent.

  5. #4
    Ana Gram's Avatar
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    My grandmother has deteriorated in the last few months. She is blind which may have accelerated the decline. She is completely gone now No lucid moments at all and has no memory of any of us. She is in a home where she is cared for well but it is so awful and depressing in there

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    I don't have anyone in the family atm, though we did care for my fil for 5 years through his horrible demise. This thread is a great idea Ana-gram.

    Myz working in aged care is so emotionally draining, that unless you have actually done it, its impossible to understand. It's heartbreaking in so many ways, from family to staff, and then the poor oldies themselves. I miss it so, so, much but then I just don't know if I could do it again.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    My grandmother has deteriorated in the last few months. She is blind which may have accelerated the decline. She is completely gone now No lucid moments at all and has no memory of any of us. She is in a home where she is cared for well but it is so awful and depressing in there
    I care for a lady is who 98yrs old, blind and deaf and very very frail. Over the last few weeks she has stopped taking her medication and her food and fluid intake is very minimal.

    OS, i love the work but its so heartbreaking. I have had residents tell me they want to end it all, their children tell me they wish it was over.

    One resident is very convinced we are related. Another one thinks he is 35 so we should go on a date and when i said no, he started abusing me for saying no and i was apprantly leading him on as i was doing his morning hygiene cares.

    The ones who feel lost as they arent in their home really get to me. One lady cries each day as she doesnt know where she is and then there is a really lovely lady suffering dementia and has depression, always so sad looking. I try to boost her self esteem but it doesnt work at all. So very sad.

    One man i love though, he walks non stop and is always just going back and forth but i get him to help me out by putting things back away with me, asking him to see how someone is. He always tells me he will forget but i tell him thats ok to forget but he goes down and forget so comes back.

    When i was studying my coarse, one of my teachers told us a story about a wife having dementia. She didnt recognise her family or friends. Her husband would visit each day to feed her etc. One of the nurses askd why does he bother and his reply was just because she doesnt know me, doesnt mean i dont know her and i have always kept that at the back of my mind when working.

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    It was more than 20 years ago that my Nanna died from dementia. It is so unbelievably cruel The first time I went to see her in the nursing home she told me how she was going to kill herself. She was only hallucinating to begin with but after about a year or two she didn't recognise her own children. She was a physically small yet strong woman. When she gardened she would squat the entire time which is really quite difficult. She grew up in difficult times in England an emmigrated to Australia in the 60s.

    One thing I will always remember about Nanna is that she used to buy uncut bread. She would butter the end then cut a slice off with amazing precision and ease.

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    I miss her so much. She still knows who most of us are but is at that excruciating stage of knowing she's not quite right and being completely irrational, emotional, confused and anxious. She forgets how many kids I have, names, ages etc. She gets upset with me when she sees DD walking as she forgets she's seen her walk before and thinks I don't call in often enough.
    It is SO exhausting visiting her. We used to go out every Wednesday for shopping and coffee but I just can't do it anymore with 2 toddlerS, and uni etc etc etc. So now it's just the odd appointment here and there and popping in for 10 minutes.
    Anyway I've found myself distancing myself from her as its all just so hard... I feel so guilty.

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    I'll be back later tonight to post...

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    Hi all
    My mum is 66 and was diagnosed with alzhiemers when she was 58. It's not a usual presentation- she's wheelchair bound, completely reliant on dad for all self care, unable to communicate, sits slumped over to the left. She can't feed herself. She seems to recognise me and dad, she perks up when I say "hi mum". Apart from that, she is mostly unaware of what's happening.
    It's been the slowest death I've ever witnessed. It's a horrible disease. Im so so sad that mum doesn't realise that i'm pregnant. I hope she somewhere deep inside knows what's happening when she has her first cuddle.

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