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  1. #11
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    Thanks for everyone's opinions... Yes I should think whether I am compatible with this man.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by designertaste View Post
    I know 5 months isn't long. It's just that as a single parent, I don't wanna waste my time on someone who isn't for me because I have my own childs emotions to take into consideration. I'm not as needy as it sounds. I just don't know how to cope in this situation. All I know is that what he is doing is a good thing for everyone else but I don't feel so secure and happy about it. In terms of, if I commit to this man and have him in my daughters life... Is this worth while? Can I come to a compromise? Will I be ok with a man who is happy working minimum wages ( putting financial pressure on me... If we married)? Is it normal to sit on the benches every weekend?
    Exactly my thoughts unfortunately. Which is why I think you need to reconsider where this relationship is heading. I don't think it would end well personally. Either you get what you want and he is miserable, or he gets what he wants and you are miserable. Sorry OP.

  3. #13
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    Deleted post. Too mean. Sorry. Cup of tea time.
    Last edited by beccacino; 28-05-2012 at 15:35.

  4. #14
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Exactly my thoughts unfortunately. Which is why I think you need to reconsider where this relationship is heading. I don't think it would end well personally. Either you get what you want and he is miserable, or he gets what he wants and you are miserable. Sorry OP.
    This. A thousand times this.

  5. #15
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    In My Stride is offline 3 babies, 2 businesses, 1 husband & a partridge in a pear tree
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    Wow - am a little suprised at some of the replies . . . too many I's, suck it up, jeebers remind me not to come here for advice?

    The post was about you OP of course you would be writing I a lot. . . .

    I think that in every home there needs to be balance, the amount of sport or work done isn't necessarily the primary issue, it's the fact that sport heavily outweighs all other aspects of 'family' life from your description.

    We too have lots of sport on in this family and extra curricular activities for both adults and children, but there is balance with work, socialising and REST.

    My best advice in any relationship issue is this - Either accept him as he is or if you can't move on, you can change people, but they will grow to resent you for it.

    You deserve someone who will at least put you on their priorty list, it doesn't sound like this gentleman places a personal relationship up high in his list at this point in his life. It doesn't make him a bad person, just a bad match for you at this point in both your lives.

    Best of luck with your decision xxx

  6. #16
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    He sounds like a great Dad being so involved with his son's activities and I don't think 3 activities is too much for a 5-year-old either, as I know quite a few kids who do that many, but I understand why you are upset about it.

    Maybe if he made up for it at other times it wouldn't be quite so hard to handle? Like taking time for your birthday... the fact he can't or won't is a bit disappointing. Especially only 5 months in. Isn't that still honeymoon period?

    And wow, that is VERY involved if he needs to work part time just to fit it all in. Does he enjoy his job or is it purely for sports? As in does he have another career he is interested in but just won't pursue due to time?

    Sorry I don't have any productive advice. But if things aren't going to change it could be time to think about what it is you want?

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by In My Stride View Post
    Wow - am a little suprised at some of the replies . . . too many I's, suck it up, jeebers remind me not to come here for advice?

    The post was about you OP of course you would be writing I a lot. . . .

    I think that in every home there needs to be balance, the amount of sport or work done isn't necessarily the primary issue, it's the fact that sport heavily outweighs all other aspects of 'family' life from your description.

    We too have lots of sport on in this family and extra curricular activities for both adults and children, but there is balance with work, socialising and REST.

    My best advice in any relationship issue is this - Either accept him as he is or if you can't move on, you can change people, but they will grow to resent you for it.

    You deserve someone who will at least put you on their priorty list, it doesn't sound like this gentleman places a personal relationship up high in his list at this point in his life. It doesn't make him a bad person, just a bad match for you at this point in both your lives.

    Best of luck with your decision xxx
    Wow thank you inmystride for your advice. Yeah it's hard to ask for advice on here sometimes but this forum is all I have to get " private advice".

    After a good think, I've decided to stick with him. There are lots of good points about him and those good points were what made me fall in love with him. I guess I freak out at times as most people do in newish relationships especially after my marriage break down. I'm extra careful and extra anxious about it.

    Thank you to the ladies who gave me advice.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by designertaste View Post
    I'm dating a sporting nut! My boyfriends son who is 5 years old does 3 sports. Swimming, football and basketball. My bf coaches his sons basketball and football teams. My bf also coachs a semi professional basketball team. The schedule is full on!

    Monday: his sons swimming lesson
    Tuesday: planning and coaching paper work.
    Wednesday: coach basketball
    Thursday: sons football practice
    Friday: his son and him watch the football game on tv
    Saturday morn: his sons basketball training and game
    Saturday afternoon/ night: bf's basketball game ( usually its an away game so there's a lot of travel)
    Sunday: his sons football game

    My bf doesn't get paid for any of this. He works part time minimum wage at a grocery store because it's stressfull and too time consuming to do both ( work, sport and his sons sport even though he has 3 bachelor degrees and could make a great living!!)

    I feel this is too much and I struggle with where I fit in with his schedule. I have a daughter of my own and she does just one sport and that is just one swimming lesson per week. My BF's sons bio mother doesn't help out paying the sport fees or helps with the transport so my bf always does the picking up and dropping off to his sons sports. I'm getting fed up and overwhelmed by all this and the schedule. I worry what my life will be like if we ever married! I also worry that my bf will continue to have a part time job because he's over committed to his sport and his sons sport.

    Am I over reacting? Is this normal? What would you do in this situation?
    Wow.. My sympathies :-( I thought my husband was bad when it came to his obsession (martial arts).

    ***Sent from my phone***

  9. #19
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    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    You are a single mum, so I am sure you know how it is when coming to living life with your child. You put that child first in everything you do.

    So dealing with the issues as I understand them

    - childs sport ... 3 sports/activities is not a lot for a 5 yr old kid. It does take organisation, but you already knew that

    - coaching childs sport ... perhaps he just does this as no-one else wants to/can, and he enjoys it. If he finds that its cutting in to your time together, as your relationship progresses, perhaps this is something that he can cut back on. Maybe just coach one of those sports.

    - his own sport/coaching ... again, its a life he has lived for some time before he met you. That will change over time as your relationship goes on. People make compromises over stuff like this. Either you get involved in the club too, or he gets less involved ... its not something that you guys shouldnt be able to get past.

    - money/working ... a single parent working part time so that they can spend more time with their kid is something I see as a good thing. Its not ideal in the long term for the 2 of you as a family (if you become one), but I wouldnt be putting off the relationship because of that. Perhaps if you do end up in a long term thing, he will go back to work full time and you will take over some of the kiddie duties for him.

    I would talk to him about your relationship as a whole, and what you both want out of life. The big picture stuff. But really, none of this sounds totally bad ... just minor issues that you will need to work out.

    Hope that it works out for you


 

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