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  1. #1
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    Default Over scheduled child and father? Help!

    I'm dating a sporting nut! My boyfriends son who is 5 years old does 3 sports. Swimming, football and basketball. My bf coaches his sons basketball and football teams. My bf also coachs a semi professional basketball team. The schedule is full on!

    Monday: his sons swimming lesson
    Tuesday: planning and coaching paper work.
    Wednesday: coach basketball
    Thursday: sons football practice
    Friday: his son and him watch the football game on tv
    Saturday morn: his sons basketball training and game
    Saturday afternoon/ night: bf's basketball game ( usually its an away game so there's a lot of travel)
    Sunday: his sons football game

    My bf doesn't get paid for any of this. He works part time minimum wage at a grocery store because it's stressfull and too time consuming to do both ( work, sport and his sons sport even though he has 3 bachelor degrees and could make a great living!!)

    I feel this is too much and I struggle with where I fit in with his schedule. I have a daughter of my own and she does just one sport and that is just one swimming lesson per week. My BF's sons bio mother doesn't help out paying the sport fees or helps with the transport so my bf always does the picking up and dropping off to his sons sports. I'm getting fed up and overwhelmed by all this and the schedule. I worry what my life will be like if we ever married! I also worry that my bf will continue to have a part time job because he's over committed to his sport and his sons sport.

    Am I over reacting? Is this normal? What would you do in this situation?

  2. #2
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    How long have you been together?

    It sounds he does these things because he genuinely enjoys them, and spending the time being involved with his sons sports. Why not talk to him about it?

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi, if there is time for the relationship, it has to fit in with all the rest. For me, I would not be interested in this sort of lifestyle. I dont have any interest in sport, and I certainly would not be happy with a part time boyfriend. Also, the fact that he has three degrees, and is working for minimum wages, that would really annoy me. Why have the money invested in the degrees and not earning a decent wage. !! good luck, Marie.

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    Oh yeah! That's why it's a touchy subject. It's his passion and it's a bonding time for him and his son. So yeah on that side of things it's good. We have officially been together for 5 months. I've talked about it with him but it's always gotten know where no resolution. I've always gone to his basketball games and the sons games too yet my boyfriend hasnt been to my daughters swimming or had he ever had a chance to be social with me like going to bbqs or hang out with friends. I've always had to go alone. My birthday is coming up and my bf has Sporting games on which really hurts me that he won't let his 2 assistant coaches take the lead so he and his son celebrate my birthday.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    hi, if there is time for the relationship, it has to fit in with all the rest. For me, I would not be interested in this sort of lifestyle. I dont have any interest in sport, and I certainly would not be happy with a part time boyfriend. Also, the fact that he has three degrees, and is working for minimum wages, that would really annoy me. Why have the money invested in the degrees and not earning a decent wage. !! good luck, Marie.
    Thanks supergranny

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    Hi - sounds like you're not a priority.

    However, i think It's great that he has chosen to work minimum wage and invest so much time in his son and things that he loves - he must really enjoy life :-)

    Also, given that you've only been together five months, I really don't think you have any right to be annoyed that he doesn't use his three degrees. It's his life and he can choose what he does with it.

    Unfortunately though at the end of the day, if he doesn't have time for you then you need to decide if you're happy sitting on the bench. If you're not then i think the answer is clear - this relationship isn't going to work.

    I'm sorry, I hope I don't offend you. This is just my opinion and I really don't mean it to come across as blunt as it has

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    I think for someone only 5 months into a relationship, you are overeacting and maybe a little needy.

    He sounds like a great dad. Maybe if he doesn't do so much activity with his son, his son isn't as happy. I have a 5yo that does dancing, swimming and a martial art (2 training sessions for this), as well as doing an extra hour of sport at school after classes twice per week. That means we only have 2 free afternoons after school, and only one free day on the weekend. However, my child doesn't have friends that they can play with next door like I did as a kid so this satisfies social needs they have, and also when our activities are less (like school holidays) my child just does not sleep. There may be a very good reason for the schedule they keep, as well as just enjoying it (like my family does).

    Maybe you two aren't a match made in heaven, you seem to have different values and requirements of a relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by designertaste View Post

    I feel this is too much and I struggle with where I fit in with his schedule. I have a daughter of my own and she does just one sport and that is just one swimming lesson per week. My BF's sons bio mother doesn't help out paying the sport fees or helps with the transport so my bf always does the picking up and dropping off to his sons sports. I'm getting fed up and overwhelmed by all this and the schedule. I worry what my life will be like if we ever married! I also worry that my bf will continue to have a part time job because he's over committed to his sport and his sons sport.

    Am I over reacting? Is this normal? What would you do in this situation?
    There's way too many "I"s in this paragraph.

    He's obviously a sporty person and a fantastic father. I understand that it's a full-on schedule, my 2 oldest children have similar, but was like this when you started dating? So perhaps you knew he was that committed to his activities? What would be your ideal resolution for this? For him to cut out one of his beloved things, and then have him possibly hold resentment towards you for forcing him to quit it?

    Sorry for being harsh, I understand that it would be really hard to feel like you are a priority in this relationship, I think it would really suck. But maybe you need to think hard about if you think he is compatible with a relationship, be it with you or with anyone. It sounds like he doesn't really have time to make relationships a priority, which is totally his choice, but just makes it hard for anyone that wants to be involved!

    Good luck, I hope you find some resolution.

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    I know 5 months isn't long. It's just that as a single parent, I don't wanna waste my time on someone who isn't for me because I have my own childs emotions to take into consideration. I'm not as needy as it sounds. I just don't know how to cope in this situation. All I know is that what he is doing is a good thing for everyone else but I don't feel so secure and happy about it. In terms of, if I commit to this man and have him in my daughters life... Is this worth while? Can I come to a compromise? Will I be ok with a man who is happy working minimum wages ( putting financial pressure on me... If we married)? Is it normal to sit on the benches every weekend?

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    Quote Originally Posted by designertaste View Post
    I'm dating a sporting nut! My boyfriends son who is 5 years old does 3 sports. Swimming, football and basketball. My bf coaches his sons basketball and football teams. My bf also coachs a semi professional basketball team. The schedule is full on!

    Monday: his sons swimming lesson
    Tuesday: planning and coaching paper work.
    Wednesday: coach basketball
    Thursday: sons football practice
    Friday: his son and him watch the football game on tv
    Saturday morn: his sons basketball training and game
    Saturday afternoon/ night: bf's basketball game ( usually its an away game so there's a lot of travel)
    Sunday: his sons football game

    My bf doesn't get paid for any of this. He works part time minimum wage at a grocery store because it's stressfull and too time consuming to do both ( work, sport and his sons sport even though he has 3 bachelor degrees and could make a great living!!)

    I feel this is too much and I struggle with where I fit in with his schedule. I have a daughter of my own and she does just one sport and that is just one swimming lesson per week. My BF's sons bio mother doesn't help out paying the sport fees or helps with the transport so my bf always does the picking up and dropping off to his sons sports. I'm getting fed up and overwhelmed by all this and the schedule. I worry what my life will be like if we ever married! I also worry that my bf will continue to have a part time job because he's over committed to his sport and his sons sport.

    Am I over reacting? Is this normal? What would you do in this situation?
    Yeah it sounds normal for our family, although my husband works full-time as the coaching is his down time he doesn't find stressful, and we have two kids who live sport and activities so it fits our busy active lifestyle to a tee.


 

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