4 month old dislikes having cuddles with anyone but Mum or Dad

**Nix97** · 28-05-2012 00:05

Our daughter has been doing this for quite some time now (roughly 4 weeks) which makes it really hard when we go out and our family and friends just want to have a cuddle. It generally just me and her as hubby only sees her for an hour at the end of the day. We go out and socialize mothers group etc but she still just prefers mum or dad. have spoken to health nurse regarding this and she doesnt seem concerned about it. I work in the child care profession and havent come across separtion/stranger anxity so earlier on. Would like to hear if this has happened with your bub and any tips on how to ease her fears.

**Guest1234** · 28-05-2012 00:45

How old is bub?

**TimTamsandTea** · 28-05-2012 00:53

I think you have one smart bubba. Enjoy your exclusive cuddles and don't force the issue. Advise visitors that your little one simply doesn't like leaving your side and their attempts to cuddle will be badly received. They'll cope. Meanwhile, keep the visits with people you want in baby's life frequent and easy going and she'll seek them out when she's ready.

**Juzz** · 28-05-2012 02:49

Hi there,

My DS was similar and developed separation anxiety from 4/5 months, despite me making an active effort to avoid 'making' a clingy baby.... He is now 22 months and only JUST starting to overcome it.

To me, this was the hardest part of my parenting journey... I found it difficult that I couldn't really leave him at all without a huge drama eg: my Mum would see DS twice per week from birth and is an absolutely beautiful person and Grandma, yet I couldn't even leave the room to go to the toilet when she was here without hysterics from DS.... So hard to deal with cos it was upsetting and frustrating for me, and I could see it was also hard for Mum, despite her insisting not to worry, etc

So as I said, were now 22 months into parenting and it is only now that I'm just realizing you just have to roll with it - for our DS, it's just his personality and he is still quite shy, is overwhelmed by lots of people and takes a fair while to 'warm up' to people and places. I have learnt that when we go anywhere to just keep him close until he decides he's ready to go explore or go to others - 'pushing it' to help him 'get over it' just makes it worse and is stressful for all involved. I've also had to be firm with well meaning family and friends to give him time to settle in before they make a big fuss of him, try get cuddles etc.

The positives are lots of beautiful cuddles and that DS appears to be a lot calmer than other kids when in a group of kids as he tends to sit back and assess rather than lead any chaos or craziness...

I hope this is somewhat helpful, good luck with your little person

**Melzey** · 28-05-2012 02:57

If you're read "the wonder weeks" ( there is am app on iTunes and a book on iTunes) it appears wanting familiar people around this age is a normal developmental stage. I wouldn't read too much into it just yet.

**Bubbles10** · 28-05-2012 08:32

Originally Posted by Nix97

. I work in the child care profession and havent come across separtion/stranger anxity so earlier on. Would like to hear if this has happened with your bub and any tips on how to ease her fears.

Both my kids were like this basically from when they were born. Maybe you wouldn't see it so much in the child care setting, because parents experiencing it would delay putting their kids into care iykwim.

listen to your bub and maybe choose one or two people you want to start to get her used to. start with you holding bub sitting or standing next to the person, so baby gets to learn that they are safe people. over time, she may be ok with having cuddles as long as she can see, hear or touch you (depending on her dominant sense).

it will happen anyway, but if having cuddles with others is important to you, or you will have to leave your daughter wth another carer, you can help make her feel safe, just go slow.

**baby4us** · 28-05-2012 08:39

Yes, my son was the same. I just explained to others what to expect, and i never pushed him. Sometimes he needed just time to warm up, as in when someone first rocked up there was no way he'd go to them but would maybe after 30mins or so. Other times he wouldn't go no matter what. Now he's 2 yo and gives really big cuddles to everyone. Enjoy it, its something only you as their mum can do for them.