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  1. #1
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    Default Did you have family come stay with you to help out after bubs arrived?

    Hi All,

    We are expecting our 1st child in September. All my lovely, well meaning friends have been telling me I WILL need help once the baby arrives - another adult / another set of hands as it is impossible to do this on your own kinda thing. DH will be taking 3 weeks off work. Will be in hospital for approximately 1 week & then home for the rest of the 2 weeks.

    I wasn't planning on asking my folks to come over and stay with us as I figured it will be more of a hindrance than anything. My parents are not the sort who would be cooking or cleaning for us but would expect me to be doing all that for them. DH & I are not going to have the time nor energy to look after my parents & a baby.

    I don't have any siblings who live locally. My in laws are not an option (long story)

    Would love to hear fm other mum's on how they coped once bub arrived.
    Did you have help?
    Did you have family come over & stay with you?
    Is is that bad that you SO need someone helping you out?
    I understand it's tiring & the sleep deprivation can take it's toll but is it impossible to do this on your own?

    Love to hear from you.

    Thanks!

  2. #2
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    I didn't have anyone come help, no. For me that was more than fine.

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    momtobe21  (28-05-2012)

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    I had loads of help when DD was born.

    DH had 2 weeks post birth off. My mum used to visit every second night or so to allow us to have some time for ourselves ie go for a walk/coffee/sleep etc. Whilst over and if DD was sleeping she'd cook/clean/wash up for us. My aunt sent food over so we wouldnt have to cook and my brother/his gf did the same.

    then my MIL visited for a week while DH worked. it was bliss. All I did was eat/feed DD and sleep. thats it. no nappies, no washing, cooking, cleaning or anything.

    This time my bub is due in 4wks. My mother is taking 6wks of fridays off so that I will have help after DH goes back to work. My aunt is taking 6wks of mondays off to do the same. DD is in daycare tues/wed so I'll be fine then by myself and DH comes home at midday on thurs.

    My MIL will come and stay for 1-2wks post birth to look after DD so I can just bf new baby and rest whilst DH takes care of the house/gets called into work.

    for me breastfeeding is very important so I took all the help I could get so I could spend that important time learning to feed.

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    I was a single mum, Left hospital with ds when he was 5 days old.

    The most help I got was a lift home.

    I honestly don't see what the big stress is with people saying u need someone.

    I'm sure u will be fine.

    (oh I was only 18 too, my son was breastfed, all his meals were home made etc so Not the stigmatized image that goes with teen mum)

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    The PIL rocked up on our doorstep to stay with us the day after I got home from hospital - it was more of a PITA than a help.

    Once DP had his 4 weeks off when DS2 & DD arrived 19 months after DS1...my Nan used to pop around on a Monday to help me get on top of washing and cleaning my floors...and ofcourse for a chat and a cuddle. That was lovely it lastd for 2 years until we had to move 1200km away.


    The first few weeks with a newborn I personally suggest resting as much as possible, sleep when bub sleeps if you need it and get your partner to do their share of the housework etc.

    If family can take the initiative to do helpful stuff for you - great, if they are just hanging around, ask for some space.

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    I think as long as you've got DH for those few weeks you will be right. My DF runs his own business and unfortunately because I was overdue (even though DF didn't book in any jobs for three weeks around my due date) it ended up that he had to go back to work 6 days after DS was born (3 days after we were home from hospital). It definately would have been nice to have him there during the day for the first couple of weeks just so I could have him hold DS whilst I ate and showered but I managed ok.
    You definately don't want to have to worry about "entertaining" your parents in those early weeks.

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    momtobe21  (28-05-2012)

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    My mum stayed for a week and it was great to just have her cook and clean the house and I just stayed in bed and recovered and took care of baby. I loved it but I think that was because my mum did not try and interfere at all just let me bond with baby. I don't think I would have wanted anyone else staying long though.

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    mymum and nana are close by, so popped over with food and helped do housework, but there no way id want someone staying.

    my little sister is staying this time, incase we need to go to hospital in the middle of the night, but we have a huge house, and she always is great with helping with housework

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    It depends so much on your baby, how you feel after the birth and what your parents are like.

    I had heard so many people, just like in some posts above, say that they didn't need any help and didn't understand why some women need all that help. So I refused a lot of help and it was a very bad idea. I got quite depressed and really struggled with a very unsettled baby who just screamed all day. I often didn't eat all day until DH got home from work. I was in tears all the time. It was horrible. When mum came to stay it was so much easier to cope.

    Honestly, keep an open mind and don't be ashamed to ask for help. Yes, some people can do it all on their own but often those people are lucky to have settled babies and no post-birth issues (I hope you get this!).

    If your parents aren't the type to jump in and help around the house off their own bat, tell them specifically what they can do to help.

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    momtobe21  (28-05-2012)

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    I had DH home for a week and my mother and MIL visiting every week to clean the house, and watch her so i could get a few extra hours sleep.

    An absolute godsend.

    I could've managed without their help, yes, but the house would've been a bomb and unpleasant to live in, and I would've been extra tired rather than just the really tired I always was.

    But make sure if they do come that they know what is expected of them, that you will not be making them cups of tea and offering lunch. They are there to support you and make it easier for you.

    Women weren't ever meant to have babies alone, it took a whole village to raise a child. Don't think that by accepting help you are less of a mother or not strong enough to cope.

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