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  1. #1
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    Default Issues with step daughter !

    As the title suggest I'm at my wits end here !! My step daughter is 24 and is 'jealous' (her words, not mine) of me being pregnant. She currently lives with her aunt but wants to move in here and when I laughed and said you have to be kidding....she ran to her dad and said I wouldn't let her live here ! We have a 3 bedroom house and 3 kids with one on the way, where is she going to stay ?!
    Thankfully my dh is on the same page as me, but now she has started some real nasty things.... Like calling her dad his morning and telling him to not forget to send his love to her mother today as its her birthday. When he said why would I want to wish my ex wife of 23 years love, she said to **** me off !! She keeps referring to me baby as hers and has said more than once she is going to steal it....
    We are so uncomfortable with her being around the other kids we don't let her come over when they are here anymore......
    Anyhow any suggestions ? We've tried talking but she just tells and scream at us
    Tia

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  3. #2
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    ohhh how awful!!!
    she is 24 she does not need to live with you.

    I would tell her no and unless she stops this behaviour she is not welcome.

  4. #3
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    Oh dear, it sounds like she has some major issues, has the Aunt noticed any unusual behavior.
    Has their always been issues or are they just started to emerge now?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cluky79 View Post
    Oh dear, it sounds like she has some major issues, has the Aunt noticed any unusual behavior.
    Has their always been issues or are they just started to emerge now?
    There have always been a few boundary issues, but I have been her step mum for 20 years so of course over the years, especially as a teen we've had our issues !
    Her aunt has noticed that she is packing and obviously preparing to move but otherwise I don't think she has noticed anything else.
    She suffers from pcos and has said since she was 18 that all she wants is a baby..... She doesn't even have a boyfriend and we have constantly tried to support and reassure her that one day she will have one, but boy lately she's worrying us that she'll just take one of ours !
    Recently we had a major argument as she supplied ds (17) with alcohol and things seem to be worse since
    I just wish I knew how to 'fix' this !

  6. #5
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    She sounds like she needs a swift kick up the bum!

    I usually wouldn't side with a step mother (no offence, I just got landed with a horrid one, but her and my dad split... Anyway), but this time, no way! She sounds unhinged, or at least in need of some kind of therapy or medication. She has no right to yell and carry on, and you should (or your DH should) forcefully correct her implication that the baby is hers.

    I hope you can find a resolution, but I wouldn't be leaving my kids in her care or allowing her to move in. It sounds like she's trying to play you and your DH against each other.

    Good luck!

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    Her other issues aside I was raised and am raising my kids for life. There is no age when I wouldn't welcome my children back into my home. You may have a small home and it may inconvenience the family but she is still your daughter.
    Why is she with her Aunty and not her mother?

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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetpeamummy View Post
    Her other issues aside I was raised and am raising my kids for life. There is no age when I wouldn't welcome my children back into my home. You may have a small home and it may inconvenience the family but she is still your daughter.
    Why is she with her Aunty and not her mother?
    She's not not welcome here she's just not allowed around the younger children as she was recently caught supplying one with alcohol. This is temporary until she proves we can trust her.
    She's not with her mother as her mother moved to a Dif state to be with her boyfriend. She is 24, her aunt is 29 so it was a perfect fit for them. She also refuses to work so I think she is finding it financially difficult. Simply put if I told my folks I was moving back in at her age they would have said no, and frankly we just simply don't have the room aside from the fact we don't trust her right now
    You seem to assume I'm ready to 'get rid of her' or maybe I'm mis reading it ? Ultimately what I was lookog for was some advice on how to mend our trust issues and relationship with her and how to gently approach getting some therapy

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    I wouldnt want my adult child moving back into the house, especially if they have proven that they are irresponsible and cant be trusted around the other children.
    I hope your DH succeeds in enforcing the boundaries with her.

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    It's a hard one. At 24 she really shouldn't be moving home... but then if my kids wanted to move home at 24 I would probably secretly be happy lol

    I think you have some valid concerns with her. She sounds a little strange and has a lack of boundaries. but... her mother has moved away so she is reaching out to her father. He needs to be the one to say no and tell her why, not you. Bc even though you both agree if you say no you are the evil step mother to her iykwim

    As to her infertility, we're experiencing this now and tbh it creates so much anguish to hear another person's pg. Having said that, it's not your fault you are pg and she isn't.

    So I guess I see both sides in all of this. My suggestion is like I say, get your DH to deal with her and be strong enough to say no. Maybe you could go for a coffee with her and extend your support and an ear for her to offload some of her feelings about her infertility? You can't know how nice it feels for someone to ask how you are travelling and to say they understand how hard it must be.

  11. #10
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    Thanks for that
    I have in the past been her shoulder to cry on in regards to her infertility, but I'm having issues with her using it as a crutch if that makes sense ? she doesn't work, can't support herself or rather doesn't seem to want to and to top it off doesn't have a boyfriend to even consider reproducing with I get that it's very hard to cope, it's taken us 2 years to conceive now but I honestly think she is clinically depressed
    I will certainly try the have a coffee and see if she will open up approach


 

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