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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    Oh but come on..... Hes confiding in another woman about his wife?? That's STILL NOT ON! If he wants to chat about marriage problems do so with a councilor or with a male friend.. Confiding in another woman is just BEGGING for trouble!
    I guess everyone is different, but one of my best friends is a guy, and I often confide in him. Sometimes its about DH, and often not ... either way, its not stuff I want him telling DH.

    People have different friendships and relationships with others ... depending on individual personalities. What I would tell my bestie or my sister is different to what I share with him, or advice I ask. Doesnt mean I am cheating or dont love my husband. Just means I have other friends.

    I honestly dont see a problem. Yes, it can hurt that you are not his only confidante .... but that doesnt mean he is having an affair.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    Oh but come on..... Hes confiding in another woman about his wife?? That's STILL NOT ON! If he wants to chat about marriage problems do so with a councilor or with a male friend.. Confiding in another woman is just BEGGING for trouble!


    ***Sent from my phone***
    I can't tell if you're being tongue-in-cheek or serious. lol.

    So I'll just pretend you're being serious...

    Anyway, some guys feel more comfortable talking with females about stuff that's a little more personal. Perhaps he also feels like another woman might have greater insight. A lot of guys I know are a bit, "You'll be right mate," if their male friend brings up something that's bothering him... and that's hardly helpful.

    Confiding in another woman isn't begging for trouble... unless your partner is melodramatic and thinks that once she's with you you're no longer allowed any sort of personal freedom in regards to who you confide in... but then I'd find that an issue with the "don't talk to anything with a vagina without my permission!" woman than the man... but hey, maybe I'm just crazy.

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    Before I was married, I had a married male friend who often confided in me about personal matters to do with his wife. At the time I just took it as a friend needing someone to talk to. Looking back (and being older and maybe just a little bit wiser) I can see he was actually interested in me and tring to get closer to me by talking about very personal matters.

    There is no way I would talk to a male friend about private matters to do with my marriage. To me, that would be very disloyal, I wouldn't class it as cheating, but inappropriate, yes. So, if the reverse was happening, I would be very very concerned that something was going on, yes.

    Just my experience, anyway.

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    I think the whole protectiveness over the mobile is what makes me think there is something more going on. If you are texting or recieving texts that you feel you have to hide, you shouldnt be texting those things in the first place. Dh and I dont go through each others phones, but we have no reason to protect our phones contents from each other, nor should we have to. Its easy, just dont have things that need to be hidden.

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    To be fair, sometimes you protect your stuff from view not because it contains anything offensive, just because you're like, "Seriously? You're effing checking up on me AGAIN? No, you can get stuffed - I'm not letting you treat me like I'm some sort of cheating jerkoff... I'm sick of it!"

    I've felt very very offended the very few times DP has looked at my phone. I thought, "What kind of untrustworthy trollop do you think I must be?" I didn't want him to not look in my phone because there was anything horrible in there (because there was just messages to my Mum and to him mostly), but because the whole act of him "making sure I'm not skanking about," was offensive to me, and just made me physically want to stop him.

    ETA - This was quite early on in the relationship.

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    Without making my poor DH sound any worse than i already have, previously when I've looked through his phone (over the years, when somethings seemed weird) I have come across dodgy stuff, hence why I sometimes have a look.

    Also, if he is seeking relationship advise, he's certainly not putting any of it to good use! When I tell him any of my problems, I'm often met with a "she'll be right" response because he doesn't want to hear anything that might make his life difficult. Maybe he (incorrectly) assumes ill treat his concerns with the same attitude?

    He's not a bad person - there's certainly a lot of good about him. He just has a really good way of making himself look guilty when he might not be!

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    I agree Sassy, no one wants to be checked up on, but all she did was reach for the mobile when a text came through. I often hear dh's mobile and just say "hey do you want me to get it for you, or do you want me to see who texted you?" We might ask each other who we are texting if we are curious. We have nothing to hide from each other, so its never an issue.
    Secrecy just invites jealousy, and no one likes feeling like that. It is such an ugly emotion.

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    Secrecy just invites jealousy, and no one likes feeling like that. It is such an ugly emotion.

    Soooooooo true

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    Oh but come on..... Hes confiding in another woman about his wife?? That's STILL NOT ON! If he wants to chat about marriage problems do so with a councilor or with a male friend.. Confiding in another woman is just BEGGING for trouble!


    ***Sent from my phone***
    I agree, if my dp did this I'd be quite annoyed!

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    Just for a little update, we had a big talk about it (and other issues) last night and have agreed to each make an effort to improve the situation and ourselves. He also too the time to fully explain this particular situation fully so that I understood his POV and I think I did the same for him.

    Ah, proper communication - it does wonders sometimes!

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