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  1. #61
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    My thoughts are, if it were a male friend as opposed to a female one (as in this instance), I would highly doubt your Husband would pounce on the phone if his male friend had texted him.

    OP, you know your husband better than any of us and if you feel in your heart of hearts he is not having some type of inapropriate relationship or the like, then you have nothing to fear.

    That said, did you over react to the situation? I think you had a very justified knee jerk reaction to the way your husband reacted in front of you, there is nothing wrong with that.

    I hope you can both sit down and have a good chat about what's happened and both come away feeling good about everything and more importantly on the same page.

  2. #62
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    I keep secrets from DH, but he knows the gist of them. He knows that there was an argument between 2 of my brothers which is why they aren't talking, but he also knows that I have been asked not to tell anyone the reason for the argument and respects that. He also has not seen an email I got from an ex, but he knows I got it and what my response was to it (it would feel awkward letting him read it).

    I see it as him respecting my privacy, and me giving him enough info so he doesn't feel insecure, and I expect the same from him. It doesn't sound like he's given you enough info to judge whether it is innocent or not, and he should be doing that even if he doesn't want you to see the messages.

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    Oh my goodness. I couldn't not reply to this. I have been in this exact situation and yes my partner was having an affair! You need to not live in denial about what you think may be going on behind your back because it more than likely is. I'm sorry to sound harsh and honest but I've felt this pain and the phone thing is one of the first signs. Others are him taking more pride in his appearance, spending more time at work, not communicating with you as often as you used to and intimate moments become non existent. The lies and deceit are terrible and degrading. Believe it or not but I have since forgiven my partner and he has made things right. People do change but after 10 years I have finally accepted that he wasn't in love with her he was in love with the idea of the attention that he could receive from someone else because I wasn't giving that to him. I really hope you find some truth to all of this and it will then put your mind at ease. Not knowing is one of the most unrecognisable feelings that we could experience. Thinking of you xo

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    I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice fear not, I'm not going to break up our family purely on suspicion (or what Bub Hub members have said!) I pretty much got my answer - that i was ok to feel what I feel and have my suspicions.

    Thanks everyone

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  6. #65
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    You're not overreacting at all. My ex used to do this at times and it really got to me. I'd be telling him it's not on. You're his wife!

  7. #66
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    Also people with nothing to hide hide nothing. If they're just friends and it's all just soem friendly chit-chat he'd have no problems with telling you/showing you his text messages. It all sounds very suspicious to me. Even if he's not cheating (and only you know him better than any of us) he's acting like a tool anyway.

    My ex met someone on FB and told me they were "just friends" yeah right! He would get text msgs and phone calls and go elsewhere to read them and if I went to get the phone he;d quickly grab it. He would also chat with othrer women online and if I looked over his shoulder hed quickly minimize the page, well one day he forgot to log out and guess what I found? All these messages between him and a few different women saying things like "you're sexy" etc. I am not saying your husband is doing the same thing, I really hope not. But you have to be careful.
    Last edited by mum2bubba; 28-05-2012 at 21:52.

  8. #67
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    The fact he was all, "don't look at my phone!" COULD potentially mean there was something up, but in all honesty, I sometimes don't want DP reading what I'm writing on here either. Not because I'm cheating on him with you guys (lol), but because sometimes, I like to have something for myself. Something that he is not a part of. Something that isn't for my daughter or my partner or anyone else I know IRL... just me.

    I can also honestly understand why he wouldn't want to share some things with you. Sometimes, YOU will be the thing he wants to talk about and bringing it up with you might just cause a fight. He might need to talk over his issues with someone so they can assist him in figuring out exactly how to bring it up with you... so it goes smoother and is less likely to cause a fight.

    Or maybe it's just something he wants to talk about that you have no interest in. The fact you said you now feel like you have to listen to his boring crap, just shows that there's things he talks about that you have no interest in... and you know, sometimes he's going to want to talk to someone about those interests who DOES (at least pretend to) show an interest in what he's saying.

    The fact that he's friends with a female and wants to have private conversations with her isn't cause alone for concern IMO. It just means he's human and he wants something to him... something that isn't shared with you. Sure, you're first, blah blah... but you're still two seperate people.

    I'd keep an eye on it, and see if anything else happens that arouse suspicision but if it's just talking and wanting to be able to talk to another adult about things that he doesn't want to talk to you about, then I'd let it be.

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  10. #68
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    I can see this from both sides. My whole life, I've had more female friends than male (look at my friends list on Facebook! lol) so that's something that my partners have had to understand. Having said that, what you describe is exactly the way my ex-DW started with the guy she cheated on me with.

    So yeah, tricky situation. Always here to talk to if you need to!

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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    The fact he was all, "don't look at my phone!" COULD potentially mean there was something up, but in all honesty, I sometimes don't want DP reading what I'm writing on here either. Not because I'm cheating on him with you guys (lol), but because sometimes, I like to have something for myself. Something that he is not a part of. Something that isn't for my daughter or my partner or anyone else I know IRL... just me.

    I can also honestly understand why he wouldn't want to share some things with you. Sometimes, YOU will be the thing he wants to talk about and bringing it up with you might just cause a fight. He might need to talk over his issues with someone so they can assist him in figuring out exactly how to bring it up with you... so it goes smoother and is less likely to cause a fight.

    Or maybe it's just something he wants to talk about that you have no interest in. The fact you said you now feel like you have to listen to his boring crap, just shows that there's things he talks about that you have no interest in... and you know, sometimes he's going to want to talk to someone about those interests who DOES (at least pretend to) show an interest in what he's saying.

    The fact that he's friends with a female and wants to have private conversations with her isn't cause alone for concern IMO. It just means he's human and he wants something to him... something that isn't shared with you. Sure, you're first, blah blah... but you're still two seperate people.

    I'd keep an eye on it, and see if anything else happens that arouse suspicision but if it's just talking and wanting to be able to talk to another adult about things that he doesn't want to talk to you about, then I'd let it be.
    Oh but come on..... Hes confiding in another woman about his wife?? That's STILL NOT ON! If he wants to chat about marriage problems do so with a councilor or with a male friend.. Confiding in another woman is just BEGGING for trouble!


    ***Sent from my phone***

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  13. #70
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    Sorry, but I have to agree with happy2be3..........is that an old fashioned way of looking at things though?


 

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