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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    I completely agree that what a friend tells your partner is private. In this particular instance though he seemed to indicate that he was the one milling his thoughts over with her. I'm sure if it was her seeking advise from him, he would have said so, and I wouldn't have pressed him for any info about it.

    Unfortunately he's pretty good at looking dodgy, even if he's not! It's not the first time I've been suspicious of his actions, however he's never given me any solid evidence that he's been unfaithful.

    I know this girl fairly well. I don't think shes a husband stealer or anything, but she did split with her partner earlier this year, leaving her a single mum. THIS IS IN NO WAY A DIG AT SINGLE MUMS, but it has crossed my mind that my DH could be appealing to her because he is like what she didn't have in her relationship with her kids dad... Does that make sense?

    TBH, the thing I was most upset with was that he confided in her with his thoughts/feelings and he didn't even try to talk to me about any of it. Sure I talk to my friends about stuff but usually it's either because I've tried talking to him and he's not great at handling problems, particularly if it's about out relationship (head in the sand kind of thing), or its about "lady" things (he's a man, so he wouldn't discuss man issues with a woman!)

    Trying to be open mined about it, buy in definitely going to keep an eye on the situation from a distance.
    He is emotionally cheating on you. Next step is probably physical. I would nip this in the bud very quickly. Put the fear of god into him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    In my experience my partner (at the time) cheated with a single younger female.. Im sure both scenarios are common.

    I would suggest the OP do what I did.. Ask outright if he's cheating, if anything at all has happened.. You'll know immediately by his body language of he's lying.

    ***Sent from my phone***
    Absolutely both scenarios are common. I just mean I think the relationship status of the female in question is irrelevant. What matters is the fact that the OP's partner is giving her reason to feel uneasy about his actions. The secrecy is what is causing the problem. I'm sure if he was being completely transparent there would be no issue.

    In saying that I really think people have a right to their privacy. But if I loved someone and I could see that me keeping this from them was hurting them or making them feel insecure - then I would become an open book in that instance just to give them an understanding of the situation so they wouldn't have to go through the torture of playing out scenarios in their head. At the end of the day as much as I wouldn't want someone snooping on me or knowing all of the ins and outs of my feelings - if it meant they could let go of the suspicion ... I would do that for someone I loved.

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    OP I would be asking your partner what he would be thinking and feeling if a single guy moved in next door and not only did you form a close friendship where you confided relationship issues but were refusing to let him see text messages and deleting them? Would he feel it inappropriate?

    Somehow I think he would think yes, whether he would admit to it or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    Absolutely both scenarios are common. I just mean I think the relationship status of the female in question is irrelevant. What matters is the fact that the OP's partner is giving her reason to feel uneasy about his actions. The secrecy is what is causing the problem. I'm sure if he was being completely transparent there would be no issue.

    In saying that I really think people have a right to their privacy. But if I loved someone and I could see that me keeping this from them was hurting them or making them feel insecure - then I would become an open book in that instance just to give them an understanding of the situation so they wouldn't have to go through the torture of playing out scenarios in their head. At the end of the day as much as I wouldn't want someone snooping on me or knowing all of the ins and outs of my feelings - if it meant they could let go of the suspicion ... I would do that for someone I loved.
    Great post!! :clap:

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    You have every right to feel what you feel.

    I think he might be hiding something...

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    OP I would be asking your partner what he would be thinking and feeling if a single guy moved in next door and not only did you form a close friendship where you confided relationship issues but were refusing to let him see text messages and deleting them? Would he feel it inappropriate?

    Somehow I think he would think yes, whether he would admit to it or not.
    Great point.

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    As a quick question for all the women screaming for this mans blood, what would you feel if it turns out to be entirely innocent and you've convinced this poor woman he's having an affair? She stated in her first post that she didn't think he was, nor does she suspect the other woman is a man stealer. She was just wondering if she was over reacting because it is a woman rather than a man.

    For shame if you've compromised someones marriage based on your own experiences.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    As a quick question for all the women screaming for this mans blood, what would you feel if it turns out to be entirely innocent and you've convinced this poor woman he's having an affair? She stated in her first post that she didn't think he was, nor does she suspect the other woman is a man stealer. She was just wondering if she was over reacting because it is a woman rather than a man.

    For shame if you've compromised someones marriage based on your own experiences.
    I would seriously worry about OP's state of mind if she ruined her marriage because some women on a thread told her to...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    As a quick question for all the women screaming for this mans blood, what would you feel if it turns out to be entirely innocent and you've convinced this poor woman he's having an affair? She stated in her first post that she didn't think he was, nor does she suspect the other woman is a man stealer. She was just wondering if she was over reacting because it is a woman rather than a man.

    For shame if you've compromised someones marriage based on your own experiences.
    I think only one person said he may well be cheating? others have just said his behaviour was inappropriate. No one has said for her to leave him. She has asked people's opinions and people have given it.

  13. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post
    It would ring alarm bells with me Deleting texts and hiding conversations are one of the warning signs that many people do say is what was at the start of an affair (emotional or otherwise).

    I think you need to explain to DH that his actions are making you feel uncomfortable.

    Good luck. ((hugs))
    I agree.

    I would feel betrayed and angry...and very suspicious


 
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