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  1. #21
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    Agree with what PP have said.

    If it was me I'd react the same way and be pretty devastated that he needs to look elsewhere rather than be free to talk to me. I'd probably accuse him of having some kind of affair/behaving inappropriately.
    That being said, there is a very slim chance that he's planning something nice for you with her help?!? I hope it's the latter.

    DH and I have agreed that we won't be having exclusive friendships with anyone from the opposite sex besides some of the very close friends we had before we got together, and even there we'll always be mindful of how the other person feels about our interactions with these people.

  2. #22
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    Hi couldnt read and not reply.
    The whole pouncing on his phone is what sent alarm bells off to me.
    That sounds like he is definitely hiding something. Sorry.
    Even if it was a male friend and he pounced on his phone also shows something to hide.
    It's only human nature in a marriage that we get our back up when we feel our other half is acting a little shady.
    I'm sorry but I would be livid. More so with the secrecy.
    What's happened here now is he has planted that seed of doubt even if it is totally innocent. If it's just talking ( which I agree should be with his wife anyway) his reaction is totally unusual which in turn will now make you "think" everytime he gets a message.

  3. #23
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    I really feel for you. The thing is if it were a conversation with a man I'm sure it wouldn't have been deleted.

    I'm a huge believer in trusting your partner and not checking up on them or banning them from choosing their friends whatever their gender.

    But I feel that those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. I understand people wanting their privacy but it shouldn't be at the expense of your wife's feeling of security.

    In my own case my exH starting having an affair with my best friend through talking to her about problems he had in our marriage. Problems I didn't even know existed. She became his confidant and it led to a sexual attraction from there.

    Not saying this is the case here. Just be very wary - without pushing him further to her. I'd hedge a bet he's found a person to confide in about relationship issues. Like we do with our girlfriends. Men don't tend to communicate well with other men in that area.

    All the best!!

  4. #24
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    If my dh refused to show me a txt msg and then delete it ild be upset, male or female. And vice versa. We don't go through each others things but in the situation u mentioned it would be likely either of us would pick up phone to check msg.

  5. #25
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    Ok im gonna go out on a limb here as im trying to give a different perspective...
    Is something coming up? B'day? Anniversary?
    Maybe she is helping him plan something for you?

    But if you feel something, then I would insist on seeing the conversation

    mummy to gods gift to us

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    what if it was private from this female friend's side? DP used to spend more time on my facebook and phone than hers and I had this friend who we were really close and she would confide in me and tell me her problem, some things she wouldn't want anybody to know...one day when we were all hanging out in a group of friends DP mentioned something about this friend that only I was supposed to know...and from that momenr I deleted any private conversations, not that im hiding anything but because it was told to me in confidence...im just saying it could possibly be that especially if shes had recent problems and separated from her partner

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    But you've come on here and not shown him? Is it different?

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    Quote Originally Posted by happygirl1982 View Post
    But you've come on here and not shown him? Is it different?
    It is different, she's asking if her feelings can be validated. Which yes they can.

    Warning bells would be going off for me too OP.
    Male or female if DF and I did that to each other either would be suss and upset. We regularly answer each others phones and have no problem with it, nothing to hide here.

  12. #29
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    OMG Holly you poor thing! What a horrible situation I have nothing to add that hasn't been said already, just wanted to send my love x

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