What to do when you have NO libido

**sweetseven** · 25-05-2012 21:29

Take sex off the table for awhile, but concentrate on intimate time together with no pressure for it to go further.

For me, the biggest turnoff was the expectation of sex. But without the expectation, intimacy could bring feelings of desire. (However if not the intimacy could be enjoyed without any sex.)

The other thing for me is that I didn't want sex when going to bed. My ideal time would be to sleep first and get some rest, then wake up early and that would be the time that sex (or just intimacy) could be desirable. (I think this might be a conflict between genders, with men preferring sex before sleep and women preferring it after, but I could be wrong there. I don't know of any studies into the concept.)

**Gonnabemum** · 25-05-2012 21:32

Yeah I feel the same lately but alot of my friends at this stage in their pregnancy were so into it and dp's couldn't give them enough.
Why am I so different?

**Theophania** · 25-05-2012 21:47

Originally Posted by Gonnabemum

Yeah I feel the same lately but alot of my friends at this stage in their pregnancy were so into it and dp's couldn't give them enough.
Why am I so different?

For me this differed between each pregnancy, when I was pregnant with my DS (1st) pregnancy I could not stand to have sex and probably had sex a hand full of times through my whole pregnancy, it was just hormones because usually I have a really high sex drive...
When I was pregnant with DD however (2nd pregnancy) I couldn't get enough, it was shocking I used to spend the whole day daydreaming about it... i was a sex fiend LOL... So I just think it all depends, don't stress too much I think we all go through it at some stage, its about making it ok to just not want to do it

**mummanna** · 25-05-2012 21:53

If your wanting to kick start things try reading inline s*x stories it helps me when I can't find the mood, just puts me in the mind set and my body follows

**Janesmum123** · 25-05-2012 21:54

You have to ask yourself what makes YOU feel sexy.
I know you don't feel like you want any now but you did once upon a time and what got you in the mood then?
Do you need time to yourself? A snog session on the couch? Do you need your husband to seduce you?
Maybe don't jump right in but build it up a bit, for example everyday for the next week you have to write each other one very naughty txt.
Find that sexy goddess again.
Maybe your husband can wash your back or your hair, give each other a massage maybe even add a happy ending.

**FluffyDucks** · 25-05-2012 21:57

Subscribing! I have been thinking about writing this same post myself!

**Bluest Blue Box** · 25-05-2012 21:57

I could have written your post OP. Just add in my bed sharing DS.
DS doesn't come into our bed til midnight-ish so I try and squeeze in some intimate time before then. Thee last thing I feel like thing after resettling DS 4 times in hours is putting out!

We try and go to bed early (before I'm really tired) and just talk. If it happens great, if not it's better than watching tv.

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**weirdali** · 25-05-2012 23:08

Solution have me time.
Solution figure out what u like!
Solution get him to do some work to get u in the mood some men need and education.
Solution again some me time! Men can be selfish and we r almost never selfish! I've said um i need this time to be attracted and attractive. Ive said u want sex i want time alone then u can get sex! Bargaining can work! And saying what u want can be powerful!

**bwana** · 25-05-2012 23:45

Wow, so agree. I have four kids, youngest is ten, but lately, I will do almost anything to avoid sex. Dh says he needs to have it to express his love for me, or he doesnt feel loved, but I just dont want it. And
I feel like a biatch for avoiding it, even though I love him so much
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**FiveInTheBed** · 25-05-2012 23:51

What do I do?

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!

..and point DP in the direction of the shower.

we went close to 2 years without PIV sex - 1 because I was bloomin' tired and drained from having 3 babies.
and 2 because I didn't WANT anymore babies.

Once he got the snip and I got some rest, it all fell back into place.

Nothing wrong with self servicing...and a big cuddle in bed (if you are in teh mood for any one even touching you) is still nice.