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  1. #221
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    Clem my dear buddy! Of course this is THE thread for you right now. I spend so much time avoiding all the cycling threads for similar reasons.
    I am also on the 40+ thread. That's about it. Plus a few buddies I PM with.
    It must be extremely hard not to feel negative right now. I totally get it. I have had 1 stim and 1 failed FET with the 'non defrosty" so find it hard to feel positive too. By most standards it is early days for me. Yet look what you have faced. Even more than me, and I feel 'precious'.

    I think it is wise to back off from Dr Google. The thing to focus on is that statistics measure ALL cases and represent averages not individuals. You are an individual, and that is how tyour FS will cater an IVF plan for you. Your FS will do everything they can, so don't quit on your dreams just yet.

    Sure, it is tough when friends are pregnant, but in life we truely can't compare to others, only live our own life on our own path. Even if we don't choose to be on that particular path.

    When's the biopsy? Results?

    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post

    ... I literally cannot believe that there are women on here starting threads because they have found out the sex of their child and aren't happy just because it wasn''t what they wanted
    !....

    People complain about the gender? you're kidding me right?
    That shows extreme immaturity. After all my DS is one of the most gentle caring people around, and one of my DDs is as tough as nails and a real ball breaker. So stereotyping based on biology is just plain dumb. At the end of the day why does anyone think a particular gender of child will give them what "THEY WANTED?" What THEY wanted? what about letting the child be their own self regardless of their gender? Why should a child have to live up to the expectations of being a particular gender? weird to me... Anyway as you can see I think stuff like that is ridiculous. Give me healthy and happy any day.

    How you feeling in general?

    Fortitude

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    Zakmick  (28-07-2012)

  3. #222
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    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    Clem- yes you should be here!! It's alright to feel how your feeling.
    I access bh mainly on my phone and I hate that all the threads I participated in when I was pregnant still keep coming up. Constant reminders. I have unsubscribed from them but they still show.

    GirlX: I think the holiday is coming at a good time. I've always thought my body mentally and physically will tell me when it's time to stop and it sounds as though that's what's happening to you. As long as you stop with no regrets, I think you will be fine with your decision. X

    Net- I'm sorry I haven't been on earlier, we're you able to get in contact with your clinic to arrange for your cycle to begin? I've never done an iui, did you end up making a decision? Also my FS will always call me back, might not be that second but it will be sometime that day or night.

    Fortitude- you sound like your some great little personalities in your house. What's your plan of attack now?

    Afm: having a couple of flat days. Been on the verge of tears all day today- its to do with a few things.

    One I babysat my niece and nephew yesterday 3 & 4, we cuddled on the couch watching movies (it was beautiful) I just kept looking at them and thinking will I ever have this full time??

    Two DH had a really bad day at work and I hate I cannot help him- I woke at 5.30am to watch the opening ceremony and he was still up pacing and angry ( he got home from work at midnight) I laid there and listened, it was gut wrenching I've never seen him like it.
    Last edited by Zakmick; 28-07-2012 at 17:32.

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  5. #223
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    Hi everyone

    Clem this is defnitely the best thread to be on. I also occassionally get updates from the other cycling threads.

    Net - sounds weird that your FS wont talk to you. Mine is busy and dont tend to contact him a lot but if needed to I have his cellphone and responds to messages straight away. I tend to contact the clinic for day to day queries etc.

    I have been trying to stop thinking about IVF and cycling until we start our next cycle. I had a good chat to my bestie in qld yesterday she knows about our IVF and she has 4 kids but still understands what we are going through. We are godson to her youngest which is nice. I am trying to use this time to keep healthy and get to the gym. Although had my last decaf coffee today (actually 2) which is a rarity but anyway. I am also trying to do postgrad paper at moment which work is paying so figure out may as well do it know which is taking up a bit of time. It doesnt help that i am a bit bored at work but planning on staying there cause of the leave and entitlements I have.

    I am just waiting until we start in Aug although I think that will be delayed as think I didnt ovulate until today - day 20 based on FF which means prob start in mid August.

    Have a good rest of the weekend all and stay inside out of the rain. Watching olympics on tellie sounds a good idea.

  6. #224
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    Hi everyone
    Clem, I really feel for you. This and the over 40 are the only threads I check now. I used to go in the single and donor sperm and perth girls one but it was just one pregnancy after another and too much for me to handle when I had multiple pregnancies happening at work too! I agree with Fort about complaining about the sex of a child. It is not just immature but completely ungrateful. Personally I've been stunned to see someone on SMC complain about the lack of those with a degree among the sperm donors she was given to choose from. I had to wait 8 months to get any choice at all. I couldn't care less if they had a degree or not, I was happy just to get one. This journey certainly puts aspects of life into perspective for some of us.

    GirlX maybe you are ready to give up, there's no shame in that. I remind myself now and then that if it doesn't happen there's a life afterwards with distinct advantages. Sometimes I even wish I didn't want it anymore so it would be easy to move on. I nearly did after I miscarried, I was so wounded I just felt i couldn't even try again. Once I'd healed it changed and that may happen for you too.

    Zacmick you help by being there. I know it hurts when you feel helpless but just having someone there on your side really helps and you are doing that.

    Midnite I'm holding on to my job for much the same reason. I thought a new job and TTC might not be a good combination but am bored silly in mine. Gooc luck with your studies.

    AFM. I'm getting cramps so AF must be close and FS didn't call on Friday. I had sent her PA an email with my question so now I have no idea whether I should go ahead or not. She told me she'd written new orders at my last appt but the clinic nurses don't have them so wont issue the drugs. Feeling very frustrated and weepy about it. Even though it's a long wait (3 months) I think a new specialist is definitely in order. Dr Ambekar treats any question you have as a consultation and won't do them over the phone so you have to make an appt and pay. Last time I was in there all of 15 mins so it just annoys the hell out of me.

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  8. #225
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    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    Net, sorry that sucks!! We pay our FS enough, so they be there for us in person or on the phone. I have a pager number for my FS during cycles (wouldn't use that any other time) and the receptionist questions why I want to speak with him, but he will always ring back.
    How did it go today calling them? Are you cycling?

    AFM: come on AF, get a move on so we can jump on the rollercoaster again!!

  9. #226
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    Hi girls,

    Well it seems that many of us have hit the same kind of emotional wall over the weekend, manifest in different ways though. I took a bit of a break from things too and am finding it hard to find the right place to be "me" at the moment, and "me" at the moment is not the usual "me" by any means, but then should I expect it to be when I have just been through what I have; what we all have!

    All I can really do is send you all hugs
    and say I understand where everyone is at at the moment. This journey is tough, actually at times it is truly ****. And only each of us can make the decision to go on and how we go on.
    This is all very confronting for a control freak like me!


    Clem - this is definitely your cyber ivf buddies "home" for now. Its mine too and I am so grateful to Zakmick for introducing me to this thread. Sadly many of us dont know when we will get to move on with next cycles if that is what we choose to do. And this limbo really sucks, I dont have a more eloquent way of putting it.

    I guess it’s another of those times when we have to put faith in science, as emotionally taxing as that it.

    And yes hun 1% is the number I have found too. And I know this will sound pathetic, but my FS says that while they can get eggs out of you and sperm out of dh (or there is donor sperm if that is being used) then there is hope. Some days that hope is buried, but it’s there. Sometimes you have to dig through all the layers of poo to find it. Some days its a little easier to find
    J

    My DH and I collect rare categories too - usually the 1-4% categories.


    Zakmick – I do hate how this universe seems to think that it is ok to keep piling bad stuff on good people – like knee surgery, ivf, DH being really stressed at work. I hope you and he can work things out. My DH is very unsettled at work atm too, seems to just be how things are. Sometimes I think it is magnified by the stress of IVF, which my DH seems to take in his stride, although I know he isnt.

    And those thoughts when babysitting I think we all have. There are times I hate myself for not being able to go and see my friends with kids like I used to, but sometimes I just cant. To go and babysit – I think you are amazing for that xx

    Midnite – Im a bit the same with work too. I have loved my job until recently, however, as per the rule about the universe heaping on crap all at once, things arent great for me at work either. So Im battling on that front as well. Actually I find the problems at work are a good distraction or place to direct some of my anger for now too J and L all at once!

    Net – hun that is a hard. My FS does phone consults, but he is pretty busy (and away atm), so I understand that situation. Its hard with IVF when everything is so time critical. Im not sure what I can say about your situation. IVF is so emotionally draining, let alone the financial side of it. I have to say I admire you so much for doing this on your own, you are clearly a very strong woman!

    GirlX my dear cyber friend, I think those words are very wise and come from grief too. I saw the clinic counsellor this morning and it was very therapeutic. I also cried from pretty much the first thing she said – well she asked how I was!! Actually I cried in the car on the way there. Its one of those days for me Im afraid.

    There is no shame in coming to a place where you want to give up. I would also say that this is the common response when a cycle fails and for the reasons we have experienced. So dont close that door yet perhaps. Not that I am telling you what to do at all. I just think that its all very raw now and tbh you and I are only just on 2 weeks and 10 days post d&cs so that is very recent.

    Talk things through with your counsellor and when you truly feel peace you will know you have made the right decision. For me the thought of giving up now is more painful than the thought of keeping going, so I have my answer. But I am also childless, so I guess I see it through different eyes still.

    And there is also no shame in having some time to be you again, to enjoy life and think about what happens next later, but, only you and your DH can make this decision. Xx


    AFM – spent an hour crying with the counsellor at the clinic this morning. Now realise that I am “normal” and this is what grief looks and feels like, and being angry is fine because its what is giving me the energy and drive to keep going. Also learnt that underneath the hard, life is ****, exterior, is actually hope. Just needed someone to point it out. I wouldnt keep going if that wasnt there. So Ive walked away from that session thinking more about the fact that we got pregnant – which is good, my body can do that, we just need the right embie. We have two embies in the freezer, hopefully one is the “one” (or both, I dont mind!) and I am channelling the universe that they will hold up their part for the ET. We will send the fresh for testing. We have 13 straws of sperm there. So there are some good things there. Our last cycle was also the best we have had and really the only “proper” one where things happened according to plan!

    But, a plan isnt much use without the timeline, so now we hope to find out some more about that!
    Bloods done today to see where the HCG is at. Please be 0, or close to that.

    Well Ive crapped on a lot – sorry.
    Just want you all to know Im thinking of you all and grateful you are here.
    I also hope we all can get what we want...and sometime very soon!!

    xx

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  11. #227
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    Hi ladies, this time a question.
    FN rang, e2 is 0.4 (400), progesterone 22, hcg is still 172!! I wanted 0!!
    Anyone have experience with how long it takes for levels to get to 0?


  12. #228
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    Hi ladies, this time a question.
    FN rang, e2 is 0.4 (400), progesterone 22, hcg is still 172!! I wanted 0!!
    Anyone have experience with how long it takes for levels to get to 0?


  13. #229
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    Zakmick is offline Can't change the past, but we can learn from it to make us stronger and move forward!
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    Quote Originally Posted by SelM22 View Post
    Hi ladies, this time a question.
    FN rang, e2 is 0.4 (400), progesterone 22, hcg is still 172!! I wanted 0!!
    Anyone have experience with how long it takes for levels to get to 0?

    Ummm I haven't ever tested my HCG after d&c, my AF usually comes within the following month.
    I assumed with a D&c your levels would come down quickly as the product of conception and lining etc has been removed.
    Did the fn say this was normal after 2 wks?

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    Hey everyone.

    Sel - Thank you for your wise words. I'm glad the counselling session went well for you today, and that you took some great things out of it. Crying is absolutely normal, healthy, and part of the healing process. I'm sorry your hcg levels are still up. Mine aren't being monitored, so I have no idea how long it should take - I'm sorry. Hope someone else can give a more helpful answer!

    Zackmick - I'm sorry your DH is having such a hard time at work. I hope things can get better for him (and you) soon. I think you sound like a wonderful auntie, and I will keep everything crossed for you to fulfill those dreams.

    Net - That sounds so frustrating about your clinic! This whole business is confusing enough at the best of times, and the last thing you need is vague/ non existent directions. Is there another clinic/ specialist near you that you could go to?

    AFM - I'm not ready to stop yet, but it's hard to explain. It's the process that I'm feeling tired out by, rather than the end result. Just the thought of more appointments/ jabs/ drugs/ feeling bad/ wondering if I'm pregnant or not/ finding out I am (and then losing it), or finding out I'm not. I just feel drained by it all. It's been over a year of various treatments/ hope/ feeling rubbish. These last 2 weeks (since miscarrying) have been so hard emotionally, but physically I've felt better than I have in over a year! I hadn't realised how awful all the treatment made me feel until I stopped it for this break between miscarriage/ FET.

    And I'm so frustrated, as it was such a difficult path for me TTC DD, and then being pregnant with her. I didn't enjoy it at all, although of course the end result was a million times worth it. This time around I'd got into a good mindset, where I was feeling positive about a pregnancy, and I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant this time - and so happy. Now I feel really flat about it all, and it just feels like this long never ending stretch. I feel as if when/ if I get a BFP again then I won't be excited.

    It's probably all just a reaction to what happened, and hopefully seeing the psychologist at QFG tomorrow will help.

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