My fragility comes and goes. Sometimes I think I'm OK. Other times I wish all pregnant people and new mothers would drop off the earth and stop tormenting me with their existence. When I was on the Concept wait list, no less than 5 women in my office were pregnant. They were a really cliquey group who knew I was waiting to try but couldn't make my "not belonging to the group" any clearer. I'd try to join in conversations just to get turned backs or the conversation stop as I walked up to them. It was horrendous and they were genuinely perplexed when I stopped talking to them all.
After my first failure I ended up with a pregnant woman sitting next to me in yoga. I kept turning to face the wall fighting tears the whole time. It really didn't help that the instructor loves her pregnancy classes so paid her lots of attention.
I am just starting to feel like I could try again after my last BFN but it has taken a couple of months and I am kind of bitter these days. I feel no shame about the fact that there is no way on earth I'd take part in a baby shower or birthday and I don't feel particularly happy for other women getting pregnant either It is tough to see it pass you by and I own that it hurts me. If you'd like to see a semi-humerous take on that, I recommend the blog of labelletterouge. The worst situation I ever heard of was someone still birthing triplets one after the other. I really don't know if I could ever move forward from that though sometimes experiencing pregnancy symptoms seems like it would be enough.