I had a chemical preg (confirmed on Tuesday) after my last round of IVF ICSI-HA and I have seen quite a number of ladies going through similar experiences in the past couple of weeks. I figured we needed our own place to vent and help each other to move forward.
I have a tendancy to be fairly pragmatic in the first instance. I just go into fix-it mode, get the initial steps sorted out and then I give myself a few moments to mourn my loss. Then I try to focus my energy on moving forward.
On Tuesday morning, the day of my BT and early scan, I went through the ritual of POAS... the test took too long to develop and the line was not as dark as it was on Sunday. So I knew and I was prepared...told my nurse I wasn't too confident before going into do my BT too. I was really lucky to have my DH come with me. I had told him that if it was good news, I wanted him there to share it, if it was bad, I was going t need him. Of course, we saw nothing on the scan... we were 5wks6d ... I was at least hoping to see the sac. That dull empty feeling started to hit me... I walked straight across the hall to my FS office to make an appointment (next Wed) and then walked into the elevator and broke down.
DH said do you want to go home... I decided that was wise, as I didn't want to get the call on the BT confirming my suspicions at work and without DH. I called work, told my boss (who is an absolute gem) and went home. I got the call in the afternoon... my hCG had halved from Friday. I cried a bit more that afternoon...I am taking the fact that we got implantation as an improvement on the previous cycle and now I am looking forward.
My boss... who has had his own long adn arduous IVF journey (they had a DD in Feb... finally) ... put a packet of choc-honeycomb on my desk with a note saying his wife "liked choc-bullets and chips, they didn't have any bullets" ... I tell you, that nearly undid me yesterday morning I was so touched (brings a tear to my eye just sharing this with you now).
So I have a final BT on Tuesday to make sure my hCG is below 5 and waiting for AF. Looking forward to grilling my FS next Wednesday. We have a frosty (blast), but I am not sure whether we should use it or save it and do another stim.... how many stim cycles can you do in a year?