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  1. #41
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerylsMum View Post
    no need to be rude ww.
    Sorry I was being tongue in cheek. Should have added this dude

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    Quote Originally Posted by BerylsMum View Post
    I think the question should be..

    is/was YOUR virginity a gift?

    as to speak for anyone elses is creepy and weird.
    For the record I don't think it's creepy or weird if YOU want to wait for someone special or your husband. But I do think it's creepy and weird the obsession some have with it. The fact that a woman can be judged on whether she is a virgin or not. The fact that there can be shame and guilt attached to not being a virgin. The fact that men put "worthiness" on a woman's vagina.
    That is creepy and weird and I don't care what religious spin you put on it.
    I know 2 women who went and had an operation so they could bleed for their husbands. And yes here in Australia.
    Funny how a mans penis is never inspected.
    The whole s.lut vs virgin mentality is weird...to me.

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  4. #43
    missybubble's Avatar
    missybubble is offline I'm a strange one, but I'm good at it :)
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    I agree with some PPs:

    1. It's objectifying (and insulting) women to refer to it as a gift. Giving the boys something to brag about down at the pub.
    2. Your first time on your wedding night? No thanks.

    It takes a little practice for it to be any good, I think these people who wait for marriage have no idea. They just think it's going to be wonderful and magical from day one. How disappointing lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    The whole s.lut vs virgin mentality is weird...to me.
    Oh definitely. I'm a high school teacher and I cringe trying to wrap my mind around the ideas some of the kids have. SO many of the kids - boys and girls alike - have this view of girls either being virgins; prudes, to be laughed at etc., or sluts; dirty, to be avoided at all costs.

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    Erm.. I kind of viewed it this way. Not in the 'prize' sense, but in the 'this is something really important to me, and you are the person that I have decided to trust enough and love enough for it to happen' way.

    I didn't wait until I was married, and I'm not still with that 'first' person, but it doesn't make it any the less to me.

    To me the first time with any partner is a bit like that, as personally I have only ever wanted to do that when I've been in love with someone. So it's pretty special to me.

    I see it in the same sort of way, as recently I let DH read some of my diary that I wrote aged 13. No one has ever ever read it, and I cringe horribly to read it. To me that was a 'gift' in a way, as it said "I love you so much that I am letting you in to the most special and personal thing that I can."

    Not sure if any of that even makes sense?

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  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    If people view it as a gift that's up to them. If they want to 'give of themselves' to only one person ever then I wouldn't think anything of them. Just because someone uses that word does not mean they are objectifying anything. They might see making love as a gift between 2 people only. It's not for everyone, it's not meant to be for everyone, but it's not wrong, and no more weird than someone who doesn't think twice about it. *shrug* her body, her life, her choice. I just hope it isn't taken from her, because once it is, you never get it back, as far too many members know.
    Quote Originally Posted by BerylsMum View Post
    Well said SAB.

    It means different things for different people. mine was stolen from em and man I would love to have had it to give to someone I loved.

    Not as a creepy thing but as a gift of love...you are the first person I have felt safe with and in love with.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    I do agree with you, but remember that many, many males also choice to obstain. Its not just a female thing.
    I agree with the comments above. I think that the 'gift' is more about feeling safe and comfortable enough with someone to trust them with something as important as 'being your first time'. I feel that for some people it's more about the gift of 'trust' than viginity.

    I also don't see it as such a big deal in society anymore and as the years go by it's even less so. I also don't see it as only a female issue, men can be virgins too and it can be just as important to them.

    However...

    I can see how SOME men would see it as a commodity or a 'prize' which is why something like virginity should be private and not exactly something one should want to advertise....even if you're not a virgin - I don't believe having sex or not having sex should be anybody elses business but yours.

    And I HATE how some people's virginity has been taken against their will - it makes me sick that they didn't even have the choice to give it to anybody of their choosing...if they call it a 'gift' or not.

    I have a question though. They call it 'virginity' which obviously comse from the word 'vagina'...so why do we call men virgins too? Shouldn't they be called Penisity?

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    The obsession with it in pron, like its a prize that all men salivate over, irritates me.

    But I agree that it means different things to different people, and women should have total control over their bodies. I understand people choosing to wait, and mourning when that choice is taken from them. I completely understand it being meaningful on an individual level.

    Its the objectifying of virgins like they are a big homogenous group of innocents waiting to give a man pleasure that bugs me. (So pretty much just the pronified view of it.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Erm.. I kind of viewed it this way. Not in the 'prize' sense, but in the 'this is something really important to me, and you are the person that I have decided to trust enough and love enough for it to happen' way.

    I didn't wait until I was married, and I'm not still with that 'first' person, but it doesn't make it any the less to me.

    To me the first time with any partner is a bit like that, as personally I have only ever wanted to do that when I've been in love with someone. So it's pretty special to me.

    I see it in the same sort of way, as recently I let DH read some of my diary that I wrote aged 13. No one has ever ever read it, and I cringe horribly to read it. To me that was a 'gift' in a way, as it said "I love you so much that I am letting you in to the most special and personal thing that I can."

    Not sure if any of that even makes sense?
    Yes it makes sense...trusting somebody enough to want to share a specific part of you can be classed as a 'gift'. I can see that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    I have a question though. They call it 'virginity' which obviously comse from the word 'vagina'...so why do we call men virgins too? Shouldn't they be called Penisity?
    I like that idea, but unfortunately they come from different roots :P Virginity is from the Latin "virgo" (similar meaning), whereas the etymology of vagina is a bit more hazy...the Latin "vagina" (sheath), probably connected to the Proto-European "wag-" (again, sheath/covering).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    I have a question though. They call it 'virginity' which obviously comse from the word 'vagina'...so why do we call men virgins too? Shouldn't they be called Penisity?
    It actually doesn't come from that word. It came from a Latin 'virios' (I think) - which refers to 'greenness'. However, traditionally it was used for women.

    In some languages (e.g., German, French) there are different words for men and women.


 

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