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  1. #101
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    For me, it was a gift. Not just my virginity itself, but my whole body. The first time I had sex, I wasn't in a relationship, nor inlove with the guy and he wasn't inlove with me, but we loved, trusted and respected each other. He was my best friend and I knew he would be gentle and slow with me and understand that it wasn't just my virginity that I was trusting him with, but also the possible aftermath due to anything sexual, at this stage, resulting in horrific nightmares 'cause of sexual abuse as a child.
    When I have kids, I'll be advising the same thing. The sex was dissapointing, but after examining what kind of sex I enjoy, I know why now.
    It doesn't make sex with my DP any less for that. He's the only one I "make love"(Trust me, just the term makes me giggle, but I need to differentiate) to, or have ever, but he's not the first person I've had sex with. We have sex quite often and we make love and it's still just as special every time as it was the first.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    I think it's really unfair to try to tell people how to think or feel or what words to use. If someone wants to say it was given to someone, shared with someone, saved for someone, then isn't that up to the individual? Mine was taken from me, and not one person has the right to say otherwise, but everyone has the right to view it how they please for them.
    I guess I dont mean you or anyone has to use those words, but what I'd rather my children eventually use. I don't want my kids to feel like by having sex, they've lost something or given something away. For me the idea made me feel like it was no longer special, it no longer mattered, that I didn't have to wait for the right guy and anyone can do what they want. It took me a long time to understand I did matter and I wasn't dirty and I didn't lose something.

    I don't view my childhood abuse as a sexual experience, I don't even talk about it that way. I prefer to call it what it was and it certainly wasn't sex or my sexual experience or anything other than abuse, violation, molestation. And did I lose something? Yes but it wasnt 'virginity' or 'purity' it was trust, respect for myself and years of unhappiness trying to make sense of it all.
    That's just how I see it and how I process it, I don't expect you to feel the same, our journeys have been different ofcourse.

  3. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Guest For This Useful Post:

    Etienne  (24-05-2012),MissMuppet  (24-05-2012),share a book  (24-05-2012)

  4. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily of the Nile View Post
    I guess I dont mean you or anyone has to use those words, but what I'd rather my children eventually use. I don't want my kids to feel like by having sex, they've lost something or given something away. For me the idea made me feel like it was no longer special, it no longer mattered, that I didn't have to wait for the right guy and anyone can do what they want. It took me a long time to understand I did matter and I wasn't dirty and I didn't lose something.

    I don't view my childhood abuse as a sexual experience, I don't even talk about it that way. I prefer to call it what it was and it certainly wasn't sex or my sexual experience or anything other than abuse, violation, molestation. And did I lose something? Yes but it wasnt 'virginity' or 'purity' it was trust, respect for myself and years of unhappiness trying to make sense of it all.
    That's just how I see it and how I process it, I don't expect you to feel the same, our journeys have been different ofcourse.

    {{{hugs}}}

  5. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by GypsyFortuneTeller View Post

    It's a piece of skin right?
    I think that's a hymen right? Virginity is a concept not a body part.

  6. #105
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    Yeah I think it's a gift two people can give each other.

    I have had a few partners and quite frankly looking back I wished I had waited to find someone who really loved and respected me and vice versa. But I didn't and it made me feel horrible. Call me old fashioned but I think that when you sleep with someone you give them a piece of your soul . That's how I feel about it anyway. I am a single mum and I have decided to wait until I get married until I have sex again. That's my gift to myself. But I think this is a personal decision , everybody feels about sex very differently ....

  7. #106
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    Damn. It makes me pretty sad to see how many women here have been sexually violated.

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