Ok ladies, sorry for the rant post, but I'm such a mess today. Last year i started my own business, and Since we started the ivf earlier this year, the business has really suffered as I just haven't had the focus on it I should've. So right now I'm stuck in limboland and I feel like such a loser. My business is struggling AND I can't get pregnant. I have a heap of bills to pay for the business, and thankfully I am getting a decent tax return but I'm in the limboland of knowing how much I'm getting and knowing its all already spent and then I'm back to square one. And I just don't have the emotional energy to do anything about it! I'm not carrying my weight financially and my husbands wage is the smaller one so that is not helping. Don't get me wrong, every day I am thankful I'm my own boss, especially through all this, as I don't think I could've gone through ivf while still working in my old job.
Currently we are in between cycles at the moment waiting for AF and I just worked out this morning it's at least 3 weeks till I may be PUPO again and it just feels like an eternity of not doing anything. Messaged DH and I know I sometimes have a tendency to dwell on things, but his advise was to take the dog for a walk. I know what he means, but I just want to curl up and cry. Feel like I've been just getting by for the past few days and now I've fallen in a real hole. All I keep hoping is that at the very least this could be pms and AF 's not far away otherwise I'm just miserable for no reason.
I never say this, but I really feel like a failure today, and I just hate that I feel that way.