Aggressive 3 yr old girl

**Lala08** · 22-05-2012 20:41

I am at my whitts end on what to do with my little girl. She has always been a very active child. However, my partner, her father, as been working away from home for the past 14 months, ever since this drastic change, she has been acting up. Hitting kids, etc. Throwing huge tantrums, hitting and disrespecting me. When daddy comes home from working away, she completly ignores that im there. We had our second baby 8 months ago. Firstly she was excited, she was terrific with her little sissy. Now it is horrible to watch. Banging heavy toys up her head, sitting on her, taking everything off her. She told me today that she wants to punch people in the nose, I asked her why, and she answered with coz i like it!! She also answers with, when i ask why she hurt sissy, coz i like to see her cry!! she has been telling horrible yarns! For example, tonight, she started crying telling me that "people" put toys down her throat and she choaks!! Im so worried! is this behaviour normal for my gorgeous 3 yr old! im so upset...

She can be the most beautiful mannered little girl, she is very polite, and is great with other kids her age, she goes to day care twice a week, and there is never a problem with her there. She only acts this bad when at home, or at my parents house..

**River Song** · 22-05-2012 20:58

she does sound very angry and confused.

We had a foster daughter...we got her just after she turned 2 and she was with us till 3 1/2. She had some very bad anger issues...all sort of things. She would hit/punch/bite...try and hurt herself...it was so scary at times.

We went to a child pysch for help, i was way out of my depth.

At a guess, from what you have said, she prob blames the baby for daddy not being there. She then blames you for having the baby. Then she has to deal with being angry at the person she loves the most...all very confusing for a lil one.

With our chuld pysch, we worked on finding healthy ways to get the anger out. We tried ripping and screwing up balls of paper but she didn't like that. We tried "yelling it out"...again, she was not a fan. Then, we tried "pillow drumming"...it worked amazingly!! We would sit together when she got angry...get our pillows and beat the crap out of them lol

We noticed a change pretty quickly...once we made her anger ok and gave it an outlet...within a week we were finally able to see her gorgeous lilttle character.

Try and make her anger ok...help her find the words to express it where she is safe to rage.

If you are still struggling...see a child pysch...we only needed 3 visits...and were given the tools to help her long term!

**Lala08** · 23-05-2012 09:43

Thank you for replying.. I thought I was the only one out there with a angry girl. She has always had a little temper, but never this bad. She doesnt hurt other kids, she is perfect at day care, play group, etc. She has alwyas had issues with sharing, and understanding that those toys are the other kids, and not to touch them, all kids go through a phase with sharing.. With what you said, with her blaming her sister for daddy leaving, and blaming me, is excatly what I think is going on with her. I'm so worried about her... She is saying some unimaginable stuff, that you wouldnt think a 3 yr old would know. Like, "people put toys down my throat and I choaked", to "I like punching peole in the nose" Which she has NEVER done, that is why I cant understand why she would than like it...
I have decided to book in with our family Dr, to get a referral to someone that could help us.

**Mummato4** · 23-05-2012 09:51

Do you punish her for bad behaviour ?
My dd is almost 3 and wild, lol ! She is not angry but just a mischievous 4th child

I have found strict consistent punishment and reward charts have worked really well. The punishments I generally use are: no computer time ( we dont watch tv so its her entertainment), no park visit, no dessert etc etc....
The reward chart is great for getting her to focus on good behaviour just a simple reminder of getting to stick her stars to her chart is often all it takes to get her to complete tasks

**bumMum** · 23-05-2012 10:05

Can I suggest a parenting course like tripple p? They are normally advertised with your local child health centre. I recently did one about parent/child attachment and it was really good. There could be a whole lot of reasons for her anger. I think sometimes responding back in anger can be the worst thing to do.

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