Could you hate a child...

[Misschief]

Could you hate a child you have never met in your life, simply because he/she is the child of a person you hate with every bone in your body?
A child you have never seen a photo of, never spoken to on the phone, etc.?

This is my sister. She hates me for all sorts of invalid reasons and because of her hatred towards me, she has become the black sheep in the family. She has no reason to hate me. No reason we know of anyway. If she needs to blame someone for the mistakes she's made that resulted into her current miserable life, it would be my parents and even they agree.

About 5 weeks ago, my worst nightmare became true and she moved back from Europe to Australia.
She has no drivers license, no job, no other income, etc. so she is living with my parents.
My parents have a 3 bedroom house with a 4th bedroom in a detached garage. It also happens to be the laundry and it has it's own toilet too.
Before she moved over, she insisted on my parents putting a keyed lock on her door so she could lock herself in her room when DS and I visit my parents.
She also has a hot plate, fridge, hot water jug, TV, DVD player, laptop with internet, etc so she can live in that room when DS and I stay for a few days. She really really doesn't get out until DS and I are in bed. She doesn't even have a shower as the bathroom is inside my parents house. She just washes herself in the laundry.

She has also demanded me to ring my parents before I visit them, so she can lock herself up in her room first.
She has never seen a photo of DS, never spoken to him, never met him in real life, etc.
Mind you, we haven been in contact since 2006 either. She calls me "a person" instead of her sister. She tells the whole world that she is an only child and has no siblings. Because of this, I insisted on sending her a Christmas and birthday card to remind her that I do still exist. I don't care if she reads the cards or not.
When I was pregnant, I even wrote her a 6 page letter asking her why she hates me so much and why she can't just move on. Ofcourse I never got a reply.

HOW on earth can she hate this sweet little 2yo boy who has never done anything wrong in his life towards her? What did he do, other than being born to me?

She went hysterical and blue in the face and even started to hyperventilate today, when she heard from my parents that she has to sit on the backseat of their car, next to DS when they drive home tomorrow. She needs to go to to town for an appointment and my parents are taking DS for 2 days while I catch up on some sewing work. They live 60km away so it's nearly a 1 hour drive.
I am so worried that she's going to be mean to him. Stir him up and then getting him blamed for bad behaviour

Please tell me I am not the only one who has such a nutter of a sibling?!
I have copped a lot of verbal and mental abuse from her in the last decade and I am near breaking point. I just want to smack her in the face and get her to wake upto herself! She's 37yo for Pete's sake!

Sorry, I just had to vent. It's been eating at me for so long and now that she's in Australia, the situation is getting worse and my relationship with my parents is under a LOT of strain right now

[Boobycino]

Wow. That's crazy. Honestly I wouldn't have my child in the car with that person unless there was a dire emergency.

I'm sorry. she sounds awful. And yeah from what you've described I wouldn't trust to behave like an adult and I couldn't expose my baby to that kind of bitterness.

I'm sorry though for the loss of your "sister" in that regards. It must be awful.

[sunnyflower]

Yeah you are right, she sounds really wierd.

She also sounds like a spoilt brat too. She should be getting off her butt ASAP and getting a job not mooching off your parents and dictating all these movements that you all need to be making so a to avoid you and your ds. Your parents arealso enabling this wierd behavior, they need to man up and tell her to f off and get her own life happening.

[SugarSkull]

Wow... That's really full on! Has your relationship with her always been this way?
Has anything happened in the past for these feelings to come up?
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time with her. I hope she doesn't give your son too much grief. Hopefully she'll keep a good head on her shoulders and be a grown up.

[mum2bubba]

She's sounds like a nut job, sorry. I would not be having my child anywhere near her til she gets some help.

[Misschief]

Out of curiosity, where in europe are you and your family from?

The Netherlands

Happy2be3, she has seen a psychiatrist for the last 7 years, but she's obviously not getting anywhere with him. We have also tried family counseling sessions, but it always ended up in a huge fight because she would explain to the counselor why she thinks she has the right to treat me like poop and the counselor would tell her she's wrong. She would then blow up and we reached the end of our sessions.

She told my mother yesterday, that her friends overseas agree with the way she treats me and DS. These are full on Christians and I never thought they believed in hatred. More a "forgive and forget" philosophy.
Also, these people only know 1 side of the story and have never even met me.
My mother tried to tell my sister that even her own family completely disapproves of her behaviour. It is family she will need to rely on when my parents pass away.

I actually saw my sister crossing the highway in town while I drove past with DS on our way home. It s the first time I have seen her in real life since 2006. All I can do s shake my head. My parents just picked up DS and mum said she doesn't want to talk about it anymore as the stress is giving her a seriously bad stomach ache.
All she said was: "She can sleep on the street for all I care! She was slamming her hand down on the table while being blue in the face with anger, showing no respect for us whatsoever! She can get nicked! There is NO reasoning with her! I asked her why she hates her innocent little nephew so much and she just said that I know why she hates him, but I dont!"

Anyway, my sister is still here in town and my parents are on their way home.

She's only been here for 5 weeks and she hasn't even started studying for her knowledge test yet so she can't take lessons.
I can only see more and more trouble coming, the longer she stays with them

[sunnyflower]

I think if your parents need to to kick her out. Why should she be so disrespectful of them?

[biscotti]

The Netherlands

Happy2be3, she has seen a psychiatrist for the last 7 years, but she's obviously not getting anywhere with him.

So that was in the Netherlands seeing as she moved here to Australia just 5 weeks ago?

Is she seeing someone good now? And I assume your parents are paying for it as she has no income? Maybe if the help she is receiving now here in Australia isn't right for her needs your parents might need to source other support for your sister's issues?

I think you have posted before that you volunteer for Lifeline or a similiar organisation? Maybe you or someone you volunteer with could put your parents in contact with some networks that might help your sister....she sounds like she needs all the assistance she available to her. Good luck with it all.

[austmum]

Wow that's awful. She has mental health issues I take it ??

I wouldn't want my child next to someone like that ever!

To answer your question no I could never hate a child just because I had issues with their parent.

[Sini]

I say smack her out! Lol, maybe you can snap some sense into her. She sounds like she's been consumed by her anger that she's too far deep in it to realize what she is missing out on. I guess if she doesn't want to make any effort to be nice, just ignore it and move on with your DS and just pray for her since she is your sister. I can't believe she's 37 and acting that way.