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  1. #1
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    Default Baby blues - strategies to cope?

    Hi everyone

    I am due to have my 3rd baby in the next 3-5 weeks, and I was discussing with DH how I always find the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy very stressful, hoping for a positive outcome. He mentioned to me how he finds the first few weeks quite distressing as I get the baby blues pretty badly and he feels so helpless and doesn't know what to do to help me. I completely agree with him and said that I would get on and ask some lovely bub hub mums what their thoughts are!

    So what do you think can help me and him survive baby blues with 3 children 3 and under? Strategies to cope, suggestions on how to make life a little easier, and anything else you can think of would be much appreciated.

    Thanks from me and DH

  2. #2
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    Hello,
    We just had our third at Christmas time and with each baby my blues have gotten worse. I think there are always variables to each situation (probably having all my husbands family stay at my house for 5 nights over Christmas with a brand new baby tipped me over the edge??) but the thing I struggled the most with was not the "baby" stuff but the general dumb stuff. Thinking of preparing a meal was beyond me, or trying to put my "big kids" down for their rest during the day. I would say try to be prepared with that stuff. Get some meals sorted. Organize some new activities/toys for your big kids. Is your husband having some time off? Perhaps write down things that you are finding overwhelming or know you will find overwhelming once baby arrives so he can look at it and know ways in which he can help. Don't rush home from hospital - not really that practical when u have kids at home but knowing the blues kick in around day 3-5 or so if u can at least have 3 good nights in hospital where ur being "looked after" before getting home to the full on-ness. The juggle of 3 was a big thing for me but that only lasted approx 6 weeks then I felt I'd been a mummy of 3 forever and our baby is 5 months now and I feel like a pro!! Taking to your dr (obstetrician and/or GP) is such a good idea. Even now before ur blues kick in u can get some advise and help and know when to contact them if you need more help (someone to talk to, or antidepressants). Bless you and always keep in ur mind that you know it's just the "silly blues" and you will get thru it! Ps I'm now thinking about a 4th!!!

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    The boys mum  (20-05-2012)

  4. #3
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    For him to remember it wont last forever. Dont cut yourselves away from friends and family who are willing to help out. Both of you rest as much as you can. Even if it means some down time with just the two of you and new baby.
    Agree with PP in that dont rush home from hospital.
    Order take away! dont stress over meals for the first few weeks.
    Accept help.
    Work as a team as best you can

    Goodluck for a wonderful pregnancy

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    The boys mum  (20-05-2012)

  6. #4
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    Thanks LaurenK - all of the things you have said make sense I read them to DH and he agreed. Unfortunately I don't have much choice about when I leave hospital as I am in a caseload program where I am supposed to leave after 4 hours if everything has gone well (don't worry I'll be stretching it out as long as possible!). Also great idea about me speaking with my dr now This will be our last - definitely no #4 for us, good luck

    Thanks hunkamunka take away places now programmed into my phone lol, thankfully my mum is coming to stay with us for the first week I am home from hospital and I know she will force me to rest and recoup as much as possible! And I will ask DH's family for help with meals etc for the second few weeks.

  7. #5
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    MuminMind is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Helpful Member, Member I'd Most Like To Meet, Most Community Minded Thread, Best Potential Moderator and Newbie of the Year Awards
    BH Advocate - PND & AND
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    Hi there, The boys mum. First of all, congratulations on your third pregnancy, and being so close to the "finishing line". And how wonderful to hear that you have a DH who seems so aware, and that you are both taking proactive steps to reduce the stress on you after the new arrival.

    You have received lots of great advice already, so I cannot think of much more to add. I too agree that it would be ideal to stay at hospital for a bit afterwards. I was supposed to be discharged early too, (giving birth in a birth centre), but I was able to stay for a couple of the days after the birth of my second born, because I was a high risk of developing PND. Perhaps you could talk to your perinatal health providers and tell them that you really think you could need some extra support. Perhaps you could stay for a night or two in hospital if the bed is not needed, or perhaps there is a support program that could assist you when you get discharged. Have you talked to a professional about your concerns?

    Here is a link to The Blackdog Institute, the webpage contains fact sheets on a variety of treatments and recovery strategies. http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/...factDepression

    And here is a link to the PANDA webpage:http://www.panda.org.au/practical-in...da-fact-sheets

    Best of luck with it all and let us know how you go!

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    The boys mum  (26-05-2012)

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    Just checking in to see how you're going? Big countdown on which is so exciting. Feel free to always pop on to let us know how you are and if you need to chat once your new baby arrives!

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    The boys mum  (26-05-2012)

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    Big thanks to muminmind for the links and advice

    Hey Lauren, thanks for coming in and checking up with me I haven't had bubs just yet, hopefully he will hold off another couple of weeks as I am sick, as are my two other boys and would like him to wait until I'm better and have my strength back!

    It's great that there is such wonderful women at bubhub who are selfless enough to come back in just to check how I'm doing! Thanks again LaurenK

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    MuminMind  (26-05-2012)

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    Not a worry at all!

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    Hi the Boys Mum,

    As a psychologist and parent I think I can recognize what you are talking about.

    The last few weeks of a pregnancy are both physically and emotionally straining. Most people are starting to feel quite uncomfortable by this time and as such sleep poorly which leads to difficulties in getting enough rest. The other two kids add an extra dimension to this. When we get physically tired we also have less energy left over to control our mood and we are much more susceptible periods of low mood, irritability or anxiety. The upcoming birth and new arrival also is likely to dominate your thought patterns and may for many be significant source of stress and worry.
    At high stress times it is quite easy to get racing thoughts that spiral into horror scenarios. For example lots of "what if this happens...., what if that happens...." thoughts. This is very uncomfortable and can be hard to control sometimes. However, there are some neat strategies that can be applied to stop racing thoughts.
    In one strategy, designed to combat unhelpful thinking, you write down the unhelpful thought and try to come up with a more helpful and realistic thought. Asking yourself: What is the evidence for what I am thinking? What would I say to a friend? Is this the most helpful way of viewing it? may help to generate new ways of thinking about it. However, sometimes coming up with these thoughts can be hard, I therefore like to have some premade ones ready to go when I am seeing clients. Statements like this can really help:

    -Is the whole picture is coloured by what may be a single negative detail? Look for one good aspect to the current situation.

    - Focusing on what I can control today is more helpful than worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.

    - Even if things are not going well today - I will try my best - that is all anyone can do.

    Other than this the best piece of advise I can give you is to use your support network and know that youre not alone!

    Hope this helped
    MindAid

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    Mod-Uniquey  (29-05-2012)

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    Awesome advice MindAid, and previous posters.

    I am on the home stretch too (expecting no 4) and also on a case load program so I hear you OP and find that when my thoughts start to wander into into the 'what ifs' scenarios, the worry of the baby blues or PND and all that negative inner dilaogue that doesn't seem to stop, (particularly in the last few weeks), I try and do exactly what Mindaid suggested. I either verbalise these thoughts (to DH) or I write then down and then try and come up with better responses/thoughts etc.

    I am a firm believer in that if you have a pre disposition to the PND or the baby blues, that if possible, a 'problem shared is a problem halved'. Simply talking about your fears and anxieties (of course if you're able) and recognising that you may go that way is such a beneficial thing. OP, I think the mere fact that you and your DH have BOTH expressed your concerns is a very positive thing and hopefully together you can work through and allay some of your fears/anxieties etc.

    All the very best for your impending arrival.


 

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