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  1. #81
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    For those wanting pointers on what to say/not say to someone with infertility, this article is pretty good (the Mothers Day thing is a bit weird to me though)

    http://www.resolve.org/support-and-s...etiquette.html

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by maybebaby77 View Post

    The one that got to me the most was someone close who said she was really excited for us because life without children is meaningless. 2 years on, no children, we're still trying & she's repeated that comment many times.
    Hmm, my childless by choice buddies will be surprised to know their lives are meaningless. I'm not sure they knew!

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    KandP  (23-05-2012)

  4. #83
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    Great thread! Had to reply to this one!

    My worst so far . . . when I was lying in bed unable to move after EPU went horribly wrong and not knowing I was bleeding internally. My mum had called an ambulance and after waiting over an hour in agony they finally get there and ambulance officer starts asking questions. I say I've been for an EPU that morning. amblance officer " Oh what do you need IVF for your so young?" WTF??

    I was very grouchy and normally wouldn't say anything but pain does absurd things lol.

    But the worst is most of the time just uncomfortable silence or awkwardness from people.

  5. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renvind View Post
    Hi Knomie - point taken, but I guess what I take from this thread, is that it's a forum for those of us who have had the misfortune of having to face an IVF journey to have a vent and a laugh at the things that people say to you, that while unintentional, can often be very thoughtless and hurtful. I think we are allowed to winge and vent about these things, because it's all really unfair, and this is a place for us to do this safely and without judgement, as we certainly couldn't say these things to our friends and family.

    And you're right, if I never had been forced to go through this, I would have no idea what whether the things I would have said would have been inappropriate or insensitive . I guess, I'm a lot more wiser now...

    Unfortunately the theme that I have found, behind the annoying comments, is that people, including my best friends, are very embarrassed when I talk about my infertility, so they usually throw the first thing that comes to their mind, like, "How exciting, " and then talk about something completely different. I remember one time, my friend had an expression that made me feel that she thought infertility was contagious. It made me feel really ashamed. Only one of my closest friends actually talks to me about IVF, and sadly this is because she too has to go through the IVF journey. No one else (apart from my beautiful sister) has asked me anything about this process for about 8 months...not even my own mother. I bring it up, then she wants to talk about something else...

    I am fortunate to have a fantastic sister, who while she has no experience with children, pregnancy, IVF or anything like that, is so beautiful at checking in with me, being genuinely curious and respectful, and not acting like I've caught some horrendous disease. It's amazing how she just seems to say the right thing...

    As you say, it is really hard to know what to say to people "like us", without upsetting us or hurting us, even in the best of intentions, and it's really unfair that you have to be careful about sharing your pregnancy news, because it's something that you should be overjoyed with.

    So for your questions re: what to say to people going through IVF...For me the best comments I have had, have been curious, respectful questions from people, and no pretending that they understand. I personally really respond well to open frank conversations with others, around how they really struggle to know what to say, or how to support me...sure, tears are shed, but their not scary, stay away from me tears, they're OMG, you actually would like to talk to me about this, AND listen to me tears..

    Hope this is helpful..

    Anyway, to get back to the purpose of this thread, (a noice segue) I was hoping to end my long post with another funny comment, but for the life of me, I can't think of any!

    Can't wait to read about more of them...
    Thankyou! I really do hold you ladies up high, I dont know what you are going through but as I read this I realise how much you actually do and honestly don't know if I could personally handle it....

    Anyhow good luck ladies xo

    mummy to gods gift to us

  6. #85
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    Renvid - Well Said

    Knomie - Renvid summed it up well. We don't hold it against people for saying the stuff they say. I am sure we are all aware of the fact that many people simply don't know what to say and are just trying to make us feel better.
    The idea of this thread is not to have a go at people for saying annoying things, simply to share them and to have a laugh. Anything that lets you have a laugh, whether you're IVF or not, can't be a bad thing.

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    I heard so many of these. Even got the holiday suggestion from MIL who knew at that time that DH had no sperm.

    And it doesn't stop after getting UTD either. I now get "Two for the price of one!"
    Ummm ... no. The best possible spin on it would be two for the price of 7 (fresh ETs), or of 8 (stim cycles and EPUs), or maybe of 11 (embryos transferred), but not of 1.

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    A silly girl I work with, when she found out I was having surgery to have fibroids removed: "Oh, once you have them out you'll get pregnant just like that! I can tell you're very fertile just by looking at you. You have the right body shape for it."
    WTF? At that time we had just found out that DH has azoospermia - although she didn't know that. But regardless, stupid comment.

    My boss, recently, when I just had a miscarriage: "Oh, but they expect that for the first cycle, right?" Ummm, not really - but thanks for trivialising it.
    Last edited by peoniesarepretty; 23-05-2012 at 21:56.

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    I dont know if this comment from a jerk at work who's gf just got pregnant was to do with ivf or being a lesbian but he seriously thought I was not entitled to maternity leave even though I would be carrying the baby???????? This same guy then went on to tell me how I was insane to put my life at risk because his gf relative died from ivf because some drug gave her cancer and she died during her cycle.

  12. #89
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    Rutabaga is offline Getting it together, one day at a time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by broomdyke View Post
    I dont know if this comment from a jerk at work who's gf just got pregnant was to do with ivf or being a lesbian but he seriously thought I was not entitled to maternity leave even though I would be carrying the baby???????? This same guy then went on to tell me how I was insane to put my life at risk because his gf relative died from ivf because some drug gave her cancer and she died during her cycle.
    WTF!!

    That's not just annoying, it's an asshat thing to say.

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    Quote Originally Posted by broomdyke View Post
    I dont know if this comment from a jerk at work who's gf just got pregnant was to do with ivf or being a lesbian but he seriously thought I was not entitled to maternity leave even though I would be carrying the baby???????? This same guy then went on to tell me how I was insane to put my life at risk because his gf relative died from ivf because some drug gave her cancer and she died during her cycle.
    I don't even know what to say after reading that. The mind boggles at the sheer ignorance of some people. There is a difference between well-meaning friends saying the wrong thing; this is so beyond that


 

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