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  1. #71
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    I've heard sooo many of the comments in this thread too!

    The one that got to me the most was someone close who said she was really excited for us because life without children is meaningless. 2 years on, no children, we're still trying & she's repeated that comment many times.

    Funniest I had was my BIL who asked when I was due (had to give him a bit of an IVF tutorial!)

    Weirdest was a friend who kept insisting I make the doctors transfer 2-3 embies because she had always dreamed of having a friend with triplets!? And she was deadly serious!!!

  2. #72
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    Oh and by the way ladies, my Brother and SIL DID end up falling pregnant naturally after many M/C's and failed attempts at IVF, and it was my bro's sperm that was the problem, but obviously one little healthy one got through there and my Neice is a little leapling born Feb 29 this year. Just a bit of hope for anyone who might be needing it. Certianly not saying it will happen, just saying it does for some

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eskimo81 View Post
    Oh where do we start hehe, as we are in the unexplained category after 3.5years of ttc I've heard it all now we are on ivf. The best one this weekend was "well you just need to drink more alcohol and relax and it will all happen!" wtf, o it's my fault because I dont drink, you have to laugh. The other one is, "you obviously just havent got the timing right, it will happen".i think we are well and truly past that stage! I just smile, nod my head and walk away.
    Yeah it's like my FIL keeps saying oh u just need to get drunk and fool around um even though he knows we have MEDICAL issues!! It makes me so mad!!

  4. #74
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    OMG! I am a BH stalker and often read but rarely post these days...but loved this thread and had to post something!

    Some of this covers IVF but some covers infertility in general!

    Before heading down the IVF path I tried clomid after ttc for a while..I was telling a friend about this, who had been trying to ttc #2 for one cycle, and was in the middle of her second cycle. She told me that she didn't think that it would take her this long and if she didn't get a BFP after this cycle, she will seriously talk to her dr about getting onto clomid... This is a friend who knew how long I had been trying to conceive, and how devastating it had been for me...Needless to say she conceived that month.

    Oh and this same friend, when I told her that I had to go through IVF many months later, said, "How exciting!"

    I have another friend who offered to be a surrogate or egg donor for us, prior to starting IVF (in fact, slow learner that I am, I actually didn't tell her that when I did realise IVF was the path for us).

    And GP's! OMG - GP's seem to say everything that you shouldn't say to a gal forced to go through IVF...

    Since being "diagnosed" with needing to use IVF, I have had some bad stress related insomnia and experienced significant anxiety, so I went to my health care professional for some support and guidance on several occassions...

    I was told by two different GP's...hmmm, stress really isn't good for IVF you know...which of course, made me feel so much better.

    One GP who I saw recently (in fact I was having a mini breakdown) started to say, "Well you could ask your specialist for a bit of a break with IVF - oh, no, (picture extremely grave look and tone of voice from said GP) your 34, you can't really afford to have a break at that age"...firstly - has she got no idea that by the time you get to IVF, you've spent so long ttc! and secondly, I'm 34, not 104!

    Argggh! I'm sure I've come across more insensitive stupid comments, but those are the ones closest to my mind!

  5. #75
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    Not a smart *** question but....
    What do you expect people to say when you tell them you are doing ivf?

    I know I am guilty of the annoying sayings that you have pointed out but I really dont know what I would have said?

    Also, its hard for us who have had natural pregnancies to not feel bad when talking about our pregnancies etc. Eg, my SIL Cannot have children and are going through adoption at the moment. When she use to ask questions about us ttc or the pregnancy, I felt like I had to watch what I say when that really isn't fair on me as I was super excited and really not comfortable talking about it to someone I know was burning inside....

    Anyway seriously, what would you like people to say?

    mummy to gods gift to us

  6. #76
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    jayemkayare is offline Miracles don't just happen, they take hard work and determination.
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    Hmmmm the best response I've had was from my brother.

    "why would you want to spend all that money to have a kid, they're only trouble".........so why not give me yours then wan#ker!!

  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplecat View Post
    Cool thanks! I can do that :

    It is hard to understand just how difficult it is when you haven't been through it, but I think offering empathy without advice as such is probably the safest way for me to go

    You ladies are amazing x
    You are a very considerate friend. One thing I've heard people suggest before is putting together a care pack of you know they are on a cycle - some magazines, take away menus, chocolates etc. a way to show you care without needing to use words. A call or text on the days of big things (like EPU and the day you find out it works is good). If your friends are doing for male factor it's also nice for the guys to be able to talk about it with a friend - for mine that means a mate calling him and checking on how he is coping with it all or being asked to go to the pub/footy without being offered alcohol!!

  8. #78
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    One I have - was having EPU the next day and realised that our referral was going to expire so urgently needed an appointment with the gp for a new referral letter. Tell girl on front desk this who says I have to see the dr and can't just pick one up. The dr then interrogated us about doing ivf I think he thought our infertility was going to heal itself - it's been years that the practice have been giving us referrals so I'm not sure what they thought had changed!

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by knomie View Post
    Not a smart *** question but....
    What do you expect people to say when you tell them you are doing ivf?

    I know I am guilty of the annoying sayings that you have pointed out but I really dont know what I would have said?

    Also, its hard for us who have had natural pregnancies to not feel bad when talking about our pregnancies etc. Eg, my SIL Cannot have children and are going through adoption at the moment. When she use to ask questions about us ttc or the pregnancy, I felt like I had to watch what I say when that really isn't fair on me as I was super excited and really not comfortable talking about it to someone I know was burning inside....

    Anyway seriously, what would you like people to say?

    mummy to gods gift to us
    Hi Knomie - point taken, but I guess what I take from this thread, is that it's a forum for those of us who have had the misfortune of having to face an IVF journey to have a vent and a laugh at the things that people say to you, that while unintentional, can often be very thoughtless and hurtful. I think we are allowed to winge and vent about these things, because it's all really unfair, and this is a place for us to do this safely and without judgement, as we certainly couldn't say these things to our friends and family.

    And you're right, if I never had been forced to go through this, I would have no idea what whether the things I would have said would have been inappropriate or insensitive . I guess, I'm a lot more wiser now...

    Unfortunately the theme that I have found, behind the annoying comments, is that people, including my best friends, are very embarrassed when I talk about my infertility, so they usually throw the first thing that comes to their mind, like, "How exciting, " and then talk about something completely different. I remember one time, my friend had an expression that made me feel that she thought infertility was contagious. It made me feel really ashamed. Only one of my closest friends actually talks to me about IVF, and sadly this is because she too has to go through the IVF journey. No one else (apart from my beautiful sister) has asked me anything about this process for about 8 months...not even my own mother. I bring it up, then she wants to talk about something else...

    I am fortunate to have a fantastic sister, who while she has no experience with children, pregnancy, IVF or anything like that, is so beautiful at checking in with me, being genuinely curious and respectful, and not acting like I've caught some horrendous disease. It's amazing how she just seems to say the right thing...

    As you say, it is really hard to know what to say to people "like us", without upsetting us or hurting us, even in the best of intentions, and it's really unfair that you have to be careful about sharing your pregnancy news, because it's something that you should be overjoyed with.

    So for your questions re: what to say to people going through IVF...For me the best comments I have had, have been curious, respectful questions from people, and no pretending that they understand. I personally really respond well to open frank conversations with others, around how they really struggle to know what to say, or how to support me...sure, tears are shed, but their not scary, stay away from me tears, they're OMG, you actually would like to talk to me about this, AND listen to me tears..

    Hope this is helpful..

    Anyway, to get back to the purpose of this thread, (a noice segue) I was hoping to end my long post with another funny comment, but for the life of me, I can't think of any!

    Can't wait to read about more of them...

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  11. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by rae81 View Post
    One I have - was having EPU the next day and realised that our referral was going to expire so urgently needed an appointment with the gp for a new referral letter. Tell girl on front desk this who says I have to see the dr and can't just pick one up. The dr then interrogated us about doing ivf I think he thought our infertility was going to heal itself - it's been years that the practice have been giving us referrals so I'm not sure what they thought had changed!
    OMG! What is wrong with some doctors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 

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