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  1. #61
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    Purplecat - for me the best thing anyone can do is show interest and ask how we are and things are going. Offer a shoulder if needed or just to take me out for coffee if I need a break from things.

    I have had all the relax, stop trying, go on a holiday, give up ivf and you will fall naturally, why not try adoption? But the worst was from a friend after I told her I was not coping with everything after our fifth cycle was her pointing to her two kids and saying "but you can't give up look what you are missing out on". Oh and she repeated pretty much the same sentiment to me yesterday during our 8th stim when all I want to do is walk in front of a bus to get away from the pain, headaches and nausea from this cycle. NFI!

  2. #62
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    Cool thanks! I can do that :

    It is hard to understand just how difficult it is when you haven't been through it, but I think offering empathy without advice as such is probably the safest way for me to go

    You ladies are amazing x

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  4. #63
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    I agree and think that stopping ivf to be on the adoption list is ridiculous! What if we want more than one and it takes us 5 years to have one and then we would prob wait another 5 on the list!

    I hate it when people say oh well there are plenty of options and I say what? Adoption which takes forever and the above issue, surrogacy um no cause its illegal to pay someone in nsw next...

    The funniest other thing I have heard is oh u need to try other positions!! And one lady told me that her friend was trying for a year and then her DH put ice cubes on his balls before sex and it worked! um nope that is not good the sperm need to be at room temp!

  5. #64
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    My one that I struggle to not be a snarky cow back.....

    Ivf? Are you really sure you wants kids that badly? You know its really hard right? Why dont you take my kids then you wont want to do it?!

    My external response... Smile... It will be hard but we have to try. So what are you doing this weekend...

    My internal response. FFS you silly cow! Do you think i havent researched this and know what I am.in for? And no i am having an invasive treatment and spending all my money just on a whim....

    Hehehe dont mess with a woman on hormones!!!



    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

  6. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplecat View Post
    This thread is making me laugh even though I don't have any personal experience in IVF

    But I have to guiltily admit I have said some of these things (especially the I had a friend who did IVF then fell pregnant naturally.. But only cos I do seem to have a lot of these..)

    I do have a question though. I have several friends about to start IVF, so from your experience what WOULD be a good, supportive, non-patronizing thing to say? Just 'how are you feeling with everything' if they happen to bring it up? What did you find helped (or at the very least did not offend..)

    Paranoid now....
    Purplecat
    sometimes just a hug or 'how are you going' is sometimes all you need to say. I would ask your friend if they would like you to ask or if you should wait for them to offer info. Everyone is a bit different. I got overwhelmed and asked not to be asked but i know my close friends struggled as they didnt want me to think they didnt care.

    Tell them it sucks and its not fair when they are angry. Tell them you believe in them and you are with them when they are sad or feeling negative. Help them stay busy during 2ww. Movies, girly day etc.

    The fact that you asked this means you will be a great friend xx

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  7. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplecat View Post
    This thread is making me laugh even though I don't have any personal experience in IVF

    But I have to guiltily admit I have said some of these things (especially the I had a friend who did IVF then fell pregnant naturally.. But only cos I do seem to have a lot of these..)

    I do have a question though. I have several friends about to start IVF, so from your experience what WOULD be a good, supportive, non-patronizing thing to say? Just 'how are you feeling with everything' if they happen to bring it up? What did you find helped (or at the very least did not offend..)

    Paranoid now....
    I find that the really good friends don't treat it like a taboo subject and ask about it before I have to drop hints. Obviously everyone feels differently about being on IVF so that might not apply to your friends, but that's what helps for me. Also when they don't make a fuss when I pass on a glass of wine, that's nice too!

    One of my SILs found my copy of Bump and Grind and asked to borrow it even though she has no plans to get pregnant yet. She came back and gave me a big hug and said she had no idea that not getting pregnant had been so hard on us. I'd recommend it as a good book to lend or borrow if you're curious about what life is like on this side of TTC!

  8. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by purplecat View Post
    This thread is making me laugh even though I don't have any personal experience in IVF

    But I have to guiltily admit I have said some of these things (especially the I had a friend who did IVF then fell pregnant naturally.. But only cos I do seem to have a lot of these..)

    I do have a question though. I have several friends about to start IVF, so from your experience what WOULD be a good, supportive, non-patronizing thing to say? Just 'how are you feeling with everything' if they happen to bring it up? What did you find helped (or at the very least did not offend..)

    Paranoid now....
    Everyone is different but for me I appreciate a random text, checking on me & letting me know I was in their thoughts.
    Also I struggled mostly with friends not giving me the chance to let my real emotions out, especially after my m/c.....

    So many people just want to sound positive but it can be so so annoying!
    All the, it will happen etc

    Also nothing worse when you want to chat about it & your friends seem to change conversation like they are not really interested in hearing about it AGAIN....... Although I'm sure it's not really like that! :-)


    FIRST CYCLE FEB/MAR 2012
    IVF ICSI ANTAGONIST
    BFP - but sadly miscarried @ 6 weeks.....

  9. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Don't be sorry, some of those comments were really mean. As if doing ivf, we don't have enough weighing on our mind! People just don't think.


    If someone asked me about that 60 minutes story i'd tell them that we're actually in the other boat. We cant get enough in there. My DP tried to cheekily tell our FS that he'd slip her a few grand extra if she will put two in so we can have twins. We always wanted a big family so would be thrilled with twins or triplets. Of course, in reality we know that it's not a picnic and our FS is very strict and tries to avoid multiples all together. But the common lay person wouldn't know that, they just think we're all going to end up as octomum or john and kate plus 8.
    Is your FS by any chance at Next Generation?

  10. #69
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    Believe it or not, I know a female couple who have been told "it's ok, it'll happen".

    Um.......how?

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  12. #70
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    Oh where do we start hehe, as we are in the unexplained category after 3.5years of ttc I've heard it all now we are on ivf. The best one this weekend was "well you just need to drink more alcohol and relax and it will all happen!" wtf, o it's my fault because I dont drink, you have to laugh. The other one is, "you obviously just havent got the timing right, it will happen".i think we are well and truly past that stage! I just smile, nod my head and walk away.


 

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