Ahhh yeah sometimes people try to make it seem like it's not a big deal to help them/you grieve. But it is a big deal and it just takes time. My husband just shut down after our mc and wouldn't even talk about it so I felt like he didn't even care and that I was going through it on my own, but he did care, that was just his way of coping.
Sent from my HTC_PN071 using The Bub Hub mobile app
My MIL is the Queen of saying the wrong thing.
"My friends daughter was dong IVF and they fell pregnant naturally after a failed cycle" good for them, your son has dodgy sperm and my eggs are crap. If they decide to pop out on their own and one of his lazy swimmers manage to get there, it still wouldn't work.
"I heard about XYZ on the news and how all these people are falling pregnant on it" yep not gonna work for us.
(Before I fell with my daughter) "Why don't you try a surrogate?" Because it's my eggs that are the problem, they are sure my uterus is fine.
I might add, we have told her everything on the way and she still asked dumb questions that were completely irrelevant to our situation.
Ok not a bad one ... so mum told me I should be lying down after an ET because that's what I'd be doing if I'd DTD. I had to explain to her that a 5 day embryo meant it was like I DTD 5 days ago
Hi ladies, So I haven't started IVF yet but thank you for sharing all your stories as I feel like it's really helped me prepare for how some people might be!
Based on this I have decided I'm going to tell the least amount of people possible about it. I'm a private person in general but the comments I have read here have really made me wary!! It would just drive me crazy to hear it. You are all such brave women to go through the process let alone having to put up with insensitive remarks.
When I told my mum we are probably going to have IVF (our issue is that my husband had a vasectomy) my mum said "But I just don't understand why they would have to do that if there is nothing wrong with your eggs?" (I felt like giving her my FS's details so she could contact her with her alternative suggestions). And then... "Well if you're anything like me you will get pregnant on the first go"
I know she meant well but I could see how comments like that would make me so upset once I'm in the middle of the IVF process, particularly if we aren't successful straight away - of which of course there is no guarantee even if all my results come back great!
It's nice that there is a place here to vent, share and even have a laugh at the ridiculousness of people's comments!
emily3011 welcome to this rollercoaster ride that is IVF.
Try not to be too put off by the comments in here. Most people I've found are incredibly supportive and I think it is really important to tell some people closest to you what you're going through for a few reasons.
Firstly, you'll need the support, secondly people will adjust their expectations of you during IVF (like not getting cranky if you don't feel like going out to dinner in the middle of the stimming phase) and finally if you aren't successful with your first cycle or have a loss that can feel devastating and it's important to have one or two close friends or family members you can lean on, to help you pick yourself up and have another go.
My husband and I told our immediate families, and I told my boss and a couple of close friends and it's made all the difference not carrying it all by myself, plus my work has really cut me some slack in the last couple of months.
Good luck with IVF - sending you lots of babydust ✨✨✨✨
My favorite at the moment is 'you still have your son' Yes, thank you I am aware that I have a child. I am upset because I can't give him a sibling and I would really like to have another kid. Just feels like a very dismissive comment. You have one already! You have no right to be sad!
New to the forum but am feeling not so alone after reading some of the things people have side to everyone regarding IVF. I have had most of these said to me at one point or another.
The two newest and most recent are:
1. It's unnatural to pump your body with those drugs. You should just go for a holiday somewhere and I'm sure you'll get pregnant. (this from a co-worker).
2. There's a greater purpose for you than having kids. (same co-worker as above)
3. Trust me, you're lucky you don't have kids. You can't do whatever you want to do. (again, same co-worker).
4. Are you sure you want kids? Late nights with the baby, not getting enough sleep and they're a lot of work. (again, same co-worker).
I've just learned to filter them out these days.
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!