+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
  1. #1
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week

    Default Do you let you kids feel their emotions?

    my ma hates people crying, like if i cry or the kids cry, she cant hack it. Shes like "stop crying, stop, look at me and stop" or sometimes i see people if their kid is pitching a mega tanty they freak out and do whatever they can to make it stop (im not necessarily talking about comforting...usually angry with a threat or bribery or whatever)


    I tend to let my kids feel it out? Ds#2 is quite an emotional person, he gets angry pretty easily, and upset as well, dh's first reaction is to try to find whatever he can to make it stop, i try to comfort, and if that doesnt work, i reassure him im there, but he is welcome to feel it out. Who am i to tell him to not feel upset?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    6,372
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    1,168
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I Did a parenting course about this recently. My parents were really bad at this which caused a lot of problems. My mum would go to any extent to help "fix" bad feelings.. food, bribery, days off school, later enabling my brother and I in various bad habits.. by that point we had already learnt to be afraid of feelings and numb/block them rather than work on them and actually feel them and handle them.
    And if I got angry my dad would just get angry back which worked out just Great. It's really important to allow children to express their feelings and be supportive I now think.
    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to bumMum For This Useful Post:

    Zombie_eyes  (19-05-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    486
    Thanks
    596
    Thanked
    166
    Reviews
    0
    My dh hates crying too I try telling him they are upset and they are allowed to cry! It's good to have a cry and let it out sometimes.

    That being said our son who is 7 is going thru a stage where he cries over every little thing and I am trying to teach him that while it's ok to be frustrated etc he needs to take a deep breath and try to control himself a little bit. I'm trying to find the balance there.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to austmum For This Useful Post:

    cluckcluck  (20-05-2012),Zombie_eyes  (19-05-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    I do. I've always tried to support them through their feelings. MIL *hates* tears and totally tries to shut the kids down when they're showing emotion.

    I felt really sad when I picked up Hamster from kindy and he had a few scrapes and he told me he didn't even cry because school kids don't cry. He's four!

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I get really annoyed when others try to stop me from showing my emotions (often for themselves more than anything). I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have and that's who I am.

    So why would I want less for my kids? We have actively encouraged our kids to verbalise their emotions, to say I feel angry bc of x,y or z, I feel sad or happy. I think particularly males are taught to suppress their emotions, that feeling anything bar joy for their football team winning is wussy and feminine. My Dh is early 40's and of the generation where men don't show any emotions for fear of being seen as less of a man. For years every negative emotion come out as anger, bc anger is really the only socially acceptable 'male' emotion.

    My kids won't grow up feeling repressed and bottling stuff up like I did. I engaged in a lot of destructive behaviours as a teen and looking back it was to do with those feelings of repressing my anger and hurt. I was acting out my feelings bc I wasn't allowed to show or verbalise them for fear of burdening my mother.
    Last edited by delirium; 19-05-2012 at 23:45.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    bumMum  (19-05-2012)

  9. #6
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Austmum, my 7 yr old ds is the same, he wont just cry tho its like a big dramatic moan and cry and every breathe out is met with noise. Its driving dh up the wall.

    Because he is 7 unlike my three year old, i will ask what it wrong, and its usally something like 'i wanted to watch that but ds#2 is watching such n such' So we will work together on a sollution which does stop the crying, if its because ive said no to something and there is no real sollution then i do let him feel it out, but i tell him he needs to do it in the comfort of his own room where he will not be disturbed. After a few minutes it stops because he gets distracted by something in there.

    Bum mum, thats really good to know, thank you for sharing your story, it was much the same for me growing up. Theres nothing worse then feeling upset, u try to release that pressure by feeling it and get told if u dont stop it, your gonna cop it. Feels like your chest will explode.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Zombie_eyes For This Useful Post:

    bumMum  (19-05-2012)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,057
    Thanks
    1,875
    Thanked
    2,608
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I have issues with crying, but I try to do what I can. Sometimes I'll give her a cuddle, or else I'll suggest if she needs to let it out that she can go lay on her bed with her special toy. It depends on exactly why she is crying, if she is hurt then I don't have much of an issue with her crying. I feel bad that I can't handle crying, but I do try my hardest to not let it affect my DDs and how they express themselves.

    (My mother uses crying to manipulate those around her, so when DD1 cries for seemingly no reason, it puts me on edge, my anxiety goes up.)
    Last edited by Guest1234; 19-05-2012 at 23:49.

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    659
    Thanks
    241
    Thanked
    273
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Expressing emotions (other than anger) is not really something we do in my family. I haven't met anyone any further back than my grandmother, so I don't know where/when it started, but I also think it has a lot to do with that generation...when women were seen and not heard.
    My mum is the same, and my sisters and I are a bit better at it, but we still have trouble expressing a lot of our feelings. It causes a lot of tension within the family, that's for sure.

    Anyway, I really don't want DS to be like that, so when he's upset, I comfort him of course, but I also let him know that it's okay to cry, and be hurt, and be sad. I'm not sure he understands that yet, but I figure it's never too early to start.
    When he gets frustrated or angry with something, I encourage and help him to solve the problem, rather than having a tantrum...but if that's what he needs to do, and he won't accept comforting, I just let him have at it.
    Toddlers are just little people after all, we all need to get our anger out sometimes

  13. #9
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
    Winner 2012 - Biggest Computer Nerd
    Winner 2013/14 - Funniest Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    9,354
    Thanks
    2,835
    Thanked
    9,033
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Thanks for the replies

    Kitty - poor hamster.

    Del- a few males in my family and even mil, tell the boys they need to harden up, and if they cry, they say "stop acting like a girl" it infuriates me to my core and usually leads to fights because i dont want them repressed. With their asd they have a hard enough time understanding other people's angles and emotions, so if they feel something, im gonna let them feel it. They need to.

  14. #10
    ToughLove's Avatar
    ToughLove is offline Meaner than a junkyard dog
    Winner 2012 - Funniest Member
    Winner 2012 - Funniest Thread
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    996
    Thanks
    121
    Thanked
    1,284
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't think I can stop her feeling them {I wouldn't try}, but I certainly encourage recognising her feelings.

    DH is doing counselling for this very thing, actually, he has problems recognising and dealing with negative emotions, because when he was a kid his Dad taught him that the best way to deal with anger was to punch or break something as soon as you felt angry, and that would deal with it straight away.

    When we had DD we had a talk and he realised that normal people don't pick up glasses and pitch them at walls because their Pepsi spills. He's doing this exercise to take his emotions back to base levels and deal with them normally by taking simple step by step instructions.

    He has this little notebook with the instructions written inside it, basically as soon as he feels angry, he takes out the notebook, and follows the instructions.
    They include things like write down what you're feeling, what do you want to do about it, is it a feeling with a reason behind it, and then after all the steps are done, you write down what you should do instead of reacting, and do that.
    If he's comfortable in the situation, he says his feelings out loud.

    I think it's great, and he's taught DD about it too. We've had no yelling or punching walls in our house for about a year now, it's wonderful.

    If DD feels sad, I encourage her not to hide it. Today she needed a hug after seeing a rat toy in Kmart and remembering her beloved rat Cheesington who died last year. She felt like crying because she was sad enough to cry, so she did. Everyone looked at us but I didn't care, she needed to feel sad and I wasn't going to stop it.


 

Similar Threads

  1. So many emotions
    By Baby mad in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 16-09-2012, 22:54
  2. Very mixed emotions...............
    By mumof2boys00 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-03-2012, 11:56
  3. 5.5 yo can't deal with emotions
    By pixiemum2 in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-02-2012, 23:49

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Little Kickers NSW
Little Kickers was launched in 2002 in the UK and arrived Down Under in 2009. Our motto is “Play not Push” and we provide a positive fun-filled soccer program for children aged 18 months -7 years in a vibrant, group play environment.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!