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  1. #1
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    Default So cross with my mum, am I over reacting?

    Hi Girls,

    So here goes...

    My SIL had to abort her pregnancy at 26 weeks as they found the baby had over 20 deformaties and would have little or no chance of survival, so she gave birth to a stillborn baby boy on the 3rd of December.

    It was such a horrible thing for my Brother and SIL to go through I cant imagine..

    I had an ectopic in Jan and had left tube removed, then fell pregnant right after and that ended in miscarriage. NOW I am pregnant again and everything is going great will be 7 weeks tomorrow..

    My mum has just informed me that my SIL has had 3 miscarriages since Noah's birth on the 3rd and she wants me to wait untill atleast 4 months to start telling the rest of the family and my mum feels like it would be rubbing salt into my SIL wounds if they find out!!

    I feel terribly sorry for my Brother and SIL but I also feel I have had a rough trot aswell for the past few months..

    To get to the point I blew up at my mum and wont speak to her untill she apologises...

    What are you thoughts on the situation? (I just feel like I have every right to be excited about this baby and if the tables were turned I would be happy)

    Thanks
    Kate

  2. #2
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    firstly, congratulations
    You have every right to be happy and announce your pregnancy when you feel comfortable and feel the time is right.

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    It sounds as though you've all had a really rough time over the past few months sorry to hear about that. It's good that your pregnant now and that everything seems to be going well for you now

    About your SIL and mother, maybe she is trying to protect your SIL a bit because she's not pregnant, i sorta understand what she's saying. Although i haven't m/c for a long time, when my sister announced she was pregnant last year it hurt me alot and now, over a year later we still arn't on good terms (her baby is 4months old now and i haven't met him yet).

    I would take your brother aside and tell him and ask his opinion on when to tell his wife. Also, be excited about your baby, dont let anyone make you 'hide' it but just don't go on about it around your SIL.

    btw, congratulations

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    Thankyou both..

    I just know for a fact that if my SIL fell pregnant and everything was fine even if I was pregnant she wouldnt have a problem telling me right away.. My Mum is just being a bully ATM trying to make me feel bad and I am not going to fall for it..

    Pretty upset that she is being like this though..

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    This really is a tough one. Firstly congrats on your pregnancy and im sorry for everything thats happened to you.
    Please dont feel bad about being happy. While its a terrible thing that happened to your SIL, you have every right to tell people when you feel ready.
    My one piece of advice would be to tell your SIL alone (so shes not around alot of people when she finds out). You never know how shes going to react but being around alot of people when she finds out may be quite hard for her.
    Good luck

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    No offence... But you have no idea what you would doing the tables were turned. I lost a baby in very similar circumstances and couldn't even begin to fathom how truly excruciating it was....
    It's such a painful thing to experience.
    I feel for your mum... She lost a grandson as well.. I think your reaction was...maybe a little unjust. She is grieving and hurting. Your reaction isn't going to help that.
    No one is denying that your had a rough time, and I'm very sorry to hear what you have been through.
    Your brother and SIL are going to hurt no matter when you tell them. A few weeks isn't going to make make difference. So if you're comfortable that the time is right then you need to deal with the reactions of people who may be still hurting.

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    Congrats on your pregnancy first of all.

    I honestly feel as though it's your pregnancy and you should announce it when you are ready. But I would also be very sensitive about the announcement as well.

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    thanks faroutbrussel sprout, I appreciate your honesty..

    I dont know if its my pregnancy hormones or what.. Your right though I dont know exactly how I would feel if the tables were turned.. my SIL sister fell pregnant right after the death of Noah and told everyone when she was 5 weeks. I just feel that she isnt even my mums Daughter and that my SIL's mother wouldnt have carried on half as bad as mine is.. She is making me feel really bad about it..

    When I ring her to tell her how my scan was she just sighs and doesnt really say anything.. I just feel crushed

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    First up CONGRATULATIONS

    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    No offence... But you have no idea what you would doing the tables were turned. I lost a baby in very similar circumstances and couldn't even begin to fathom how truly excruciating it was....
    It's such a painful thing to experience.
    I feel for your mum... She lost a grandson as well.. I think your reaction was...maybe a little unjust. She is grieving and hurting. Your reaction isn't going to help that.
    No one is denying that your had a rough time, and I'm very sorry to hear what you have been through.
    Your brother and SIL are going to hurt no matter when you tell them. A few weeks isn't going to make make difference. So if you're comfortable that the time is right then you need to deal with the reactions of people who may be still hurting.
    I agree with Brussels here - sorry hun.

    I'm also wondering if maybe your mum wants you to wait until at least 4 months to make sure everything is ok with your lil bubba?

    My mum has a horrible tendency to come across the wrong way. She says something and it comes from a wonderful place but the delivery is all wrong and causes so many issues. She's devastated that she's upset someone and the other person (usually my sister) blows her top and they don't speak for months with my mum left feeling like the worst in the world.

    I guess that's where my opinion is coming from.

    I think you have every right to be excited but as Brussels said, your mum lost a grandson too and is probably still hurting from that and maybe she fears that due to the miscarriages yourself and your SIL have had to endure, that this bubba might go the same way.

    Sticky babydust to you and on your BFP. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy

  14. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by katezane View Post
    thanks faroutbrussel sprout, I appreciate your honesty..

    just feel that she isnt even my mums Daughter and that my SIL's mother wouldnt have carried on half as bad as mine is.. She is making me feel really bad about it..
    I understand how you feel but don't forget your brother also lost a baby.

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