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  1. #11
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    I agree with the date nite....in fact DH and i are having one tomorrow night

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  2. #12
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    I'm by no means qualified to give advice on this! But i'll share how DH & i have kept the spark alive in our 17 year relationship...

    We met when i was 16, he was 19. So what initially drew us together and the shared interests we had have long since changed and evolved. But i do draw on those early days of our relationship for inspiration.

    For instance, we used to love going for a ride together on his roadbike. No particular destination, just ride & enjoy each others company. A key part of that experience was that we didn't have to talk to each other - just being together in silence. We don't have roadbikes anymore, and couldnt do that now anyway because of the kids. But drawing on the essence of that experience, we now sit on the couch together and watch the MotoGP races. We sit close in silence. No pressure of conversation and the arguements that can start. Just spend time together.

    Going out to the movies was another thing we used to do, but its so hard to coordinate both our schedules plus find a babysitter free onthe same night. So instead, whenever we can, we put the kids off to bed a little earlier and watch a video with snacks and lights off. Again, its another chance to just enjoy each others company without conversation.

    In my experience, having these opportunities to spend time together without talking has allowed us to nurture that little spark. We still sit and talk some nights, but the more silent activities we share, the less we seem to bicker when we do actually talk.

    Another thing we do is shower together at least once a week. This doesnt always end in sex, and i'm almost never in the mood for it as i step into the bathroom. But its time alone together and as we wash each other we have time to stop and think about how much we do still love each other and things often progress from there.

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  4. #13
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    The shower idea makes sense

    Good advice!

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  6. #14
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    So glad to find I'm not the only one. We've hit a real low point at the moment, almost feel like we could do with therapy. Might talk to him first though, I just feel better reading through this thread though

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  7. #15
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    DH and I too have had dips in the sparkiness of our relationship. Whenever it gets like that we head to bed early 3-4 times a week. Our DD is usually in bed 7.30/8pm and we aim to be in bed 30min later. No tv/radio/phone/internet/books. so we talk, laugh, chat about our day/week, anxiety about the future, how to raise DD etc. Sometimes it leads to other intimacies but mostly we reconnect.

  8. #16
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    All really great advice. Thanks so much! our son is in bed by 7pm every single night, and we generally will go to bed together at 7:30pm, but lately its always ended in bickering..
    I do think i am some of the problem though as there is some underlying issues i have with the position he has put me in with his mother.. ( i HATE my MIL, not just for nothing, but for everything she said and made me feel during my pregnancy, then didnt speak to DP and I for almost 6 months but worked her way back into our lives without even apologising for what she did, and DP thinks i need to 'get over it' which i wont just yet because it hasnt been resolved even though i have tried ) ANYWAY, haha. I think i need to sort out my own frustration and bitterness towards DP and then i will be able to get that spark back, i am just finding it really hard at the moment. I thought having our baby boy would bring us closer, but it seems its the opposite right now, we just dont seem to get along as much as we use to... Oh the joys, hopefully we will be able to go to bed without bickering tonight, i wouldnt mind a cuddle or two...

  9. #17
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    So cuddle him! Without reason or explanation... As soon as he walks in the door...

    I agree with in-laws, some men can't see the issues with their families, but as long as you both know and support the fact that your immediate little family is more important than ANYthing, than you should feel comfort in the fact that if it came to the crunch, he would back you and your family... All the other crap with IL's (as annoying as it is) don't let it get to you

    Big hugs for you hun, I so feel your pain! Xx

  10. #18
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    Go out for dinner maybe, just you and him and talk.

  11. #19
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    Wow some great ideas here.. will have to try one or two of them..

    and hugs OP, i know what Inlaws can be like.

  12. #20
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    Im currently working at this at the moment. I got a baby sitter for tomorrow night. DP and I are starting our night going to gold class and seeing a movie. Then after that not sure... dp says he has something planned :S This worries me alittle lol.
    But I think date nights are great, just that one on one time with no stress just you and your partner chatting and having a good time, no kids to ruin moments, I think really helps bring that spark back alittle.

    Ive had ex's book nights away at really nice hotels just to get out of the home environment and it's been really romantic and nice.


 

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