18 month old hitting me

[neenee79]

Hi,

My LO has just turned 18 months and a few months ago he has started hitting, pinching and scratching me, which is very embarrassing when we are in the middle of a swimming lesson.

He mainly does it when he is tired, but he also seems to do it when he is emotional. He also seems terrified of other kids and yells and screams alot when they come near him, and he actually went to hit one when we were at the park today.

I have smacked him twice (which we don't normally do) and all he did was smack me back. I have read Steven Biddulphs Complete Secrets to happy children and we have tried to do his "firmlove" approach, which is basically taking him to a corner when he does something unacceptable and holding him there until he calms down and explaining why he is there. But all he does is laugh so it seems pointless.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do?

I am worried that my anxiety disorder, which went a bit haywire when he was a baby has rubbed off on him ...

[smudgy]

I'm sorry you seem to be having a hard time with your son's behavior. It must be frustrating and exhausting for you.

I do not believe in inflicting pain on others. That goes with pushing/shoving/pinching/smacking and everything else and doing so with anger to get others follow your way.

18 months is hard on us and on them too. Communication barriers. He is unable to express his wants/needs and you cannot understand them when they try. If you can fulfill his needs before an activity or swim lessons, he'll hopefully be a happier baby. Afterall, we as adults don't do so well when we're tired, hungry or sleepy either I know I don't!

As for terrified of other kids, I think it's his security. He seems aggressive when other kids approach, so perhaps he is feeling insecure. Maybe he had a bad experience before or he's just tired, sleepy and needs some quiet time. If you can introduce him slowly to other kids, be gentle and act the way you want him to act around other kids, he'll slowly get it. They learn from you. And he's a pretty fast learner judging from him hitting you back when you smack him.

He may not understand when you sit him in a corner and explain things to him. All he hears are jumbled sounds. And it can confuse him more or feel over-stimulated. Sometimes just sit with him, rock him gently or sing songs might help. Thats how I deal with tantrums too. Remove him from the environment and just sit with him til he calms down.

Also, little kids love routine. So if one day is out of routine, they can get confused, stress easily and feel over-stimulated. If you want routine, plan carefully and stick to it for few days. Once he's used to it and know what's coming next (e.g after breakfast is playtime, after playtime is lunch..etc) things wouldn't be too shocking or confusing for him and hopefully this will help him calm a little. And approach his days better. Also lets him be more confident and secure, knowing what to expect next.

I hope this helps. Lots of hugs. Hang in there!