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  1. #11
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    if the problem is how they get to and from the game and not going to the game itself, could they go via public transport? that is if you arnt anxious with public transport

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by singlemumma82 View Post
    I second this, sorry.

    I can understand how nerve racking it must be, especially having that anxiety already, but you let him look after your son with you 4 hours away when he usually visits so realistically this is nothing in comparison, I hope that's not offensive.

    I know how hard it was for me when ex took DD away, first trip to QLD when she was only 2 1/2, I was a mess the whole time, but at the end of the day if you trust them at all with your child you have to let them.

    Hopefully this is a positive step in building a relationship with your ex for the sake of your child too. Let them go have fun
    totally agree. he looks after him when your son is there (and no doubt drives at night) and he is at least coming to see him for a change.
    plus if your son wants to go it will probably upset him and he might see you as what is stopping him being with his dad.
    i know it must be hard but i think sometimes you have to do what you may not want to, in the best interests of your son.

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    faroutbrusselsprout  (14-05-2012)

  5. #13
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    Could you perhaps drop him in, then he can stay overnight and then you could pick him up the next day?

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    faroutbrusselsprout  (14-05-2012)

  7. #14
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    My mum has a phobia for being a passenger, and won't let anyone else drive (to the point where she even drove herself an hour to hospital while in labour because she was too scared to let anyone drive!). Unlike you, she hasn't made an effort to address this issue and it has held me and my siblings back from being able to get licences for several years because my dad works away and she wouldn't give us lessons. You don't want to let your fears hold back your son because he will become resentful rather than understanding (we certainly were).

    I'd let him go. As others have pointed out his father drives him when he goes to visit him. Just stress the point with him that he is carrying very precious cargo and had better remember it.

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  9. #15
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    You sound like me.. I'm a big worry wort when it comes to DS travelling in other people's cars..
    When I first read your post, i thought, public transport, or you yourself could "kindly offer" to drop them off and pick them up?
    But the more I think about, I really do think that at some stage you have to let go. You can't keep your DS from travelling in a car with him or anyone else for ever.. and you certainly can't avoid freeways all the time (as much as I feel you, like I said, I'm the same and I dread it, too.)
    The first time my DS was taken up to the coast for a day out with friends was hell for me.. I had prevented him going so many times, but I finally agreed and, even though I sat home wringing my hands the whole time, I felt better within myself for letting go of my fears.
    But it's up to you..
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 14-05-2012 at 22:00.

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    Thanks for all your replies...
    Wow... This is hard. I realise now why I don't post much personal stuff online anymore, it's so hard to hear things that you don't agree with! (but honestly thank you all for your replies, I'm just super sensitive!)
    I guess the thing is, I actually have to physically "switch off" when DS has gone to see fob. Which has never be regular or all that positive for that matter. The instincts of a mother who is hearing her child sobbing down the phone line 1000's of km's away that he wants to come home are incredibly powerful. I've had to learn to physically turn them off otherwise I wouldn't function while he was away.
    I've had no choice in the past to let him go and he has made the decision now that he doesn't want to go back for a while as he gets too homesick.
    What I am realising after writing this post that I am feeling resentful and territorial about our life here. He has not been in here in 5 years then expects to waltz over and do something that I would be uncomfortable with ANYone doing let alone someone who I don't know/trust/like all that much. Who has proven time and time again that they are unreliable, full of crap and immature.
    I have suggested catching the train the next day to a day game and DS is taking 2 days off school to spend time with him. I just don't think my anxieties and concerns should be ignored just because fob has decided to finally come and see him.

  12. #17
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    then follow your gut

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    Quote Originally Posted by BMJandBaby View Post
    You sound like me.. I'm a big worry wort when it comes to DS travelling in other people's cars..
    When I first read your post, i thought, public transport, or you yourself could "kindly offer" to drop them off and pick them up?
    But the more I think about, I really do think that at some stage you have to let go. You can't keep your DS from travelling in a car with him or anyone else for ever.. and you certainly can't avoid freeways all the time (as much as I feel you, like I said, I'm the same and I dread it, too.)
    The first time my DS was taken up to the coast for a day out with friends was hell for me.. I had prevented him going so many times, but I finally agreed and, even though I sat home wringing my hands the whole time, I felt better within myself for letting go.
    But it's up to you..
    Yes. I totally see your point and I am getting so much better. I have learned to let go with DH, my mum and dad who live 1 and 2 hours away respectively. People that ring me as soon as they are home, that understand my fears and concerns and who I see acting responsible and are amazing grandparents.
    It's hard but they take the kids away for the weekend etc.

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  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    Yes. I totally see your point and I am getting so much better. I have learned to let go with DH, my mum and dad who live 1 and 2 hours away respectively. People that ring me as soon as they are home, that understand my fears and concerns and who I see acting responsible and are amazing grandparents.
    It's hard but they take the kids away for the weekend etc.
    I'm terrible.. if I'm out with family or friends and either of us have to travel a long way to get back home, I always tell them to call when they get home, so I can rest easy, lol.. and this isn't even with my DS, just other family members.. it's hard to break the cycle of worrying, it's just who we are!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BMJandBaby View Post
    I'm terrible.. if I'm out with family or friends and either of us have to travel a long way to get back home, I always tell them to call when they get home, so I can rest easy, lol.. and this isn't even with my DS, just other family members.. it's hard to break the cycle of worrying, it's just who we are!
    I know! I'll always be a worrier but the overwhelming anxiety has gotten better. I always need to know everyone is home safely.
    I am so close with my mum but literally couldn't visit her for over 6 months because I was so bad (she came to our house a lot, 2.5 hour drive).
    Hence why I'm not asleep right now
    as I'm waiting for DH to the home from the damn footy!!


 

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