I had the best start to my first mothers day, I had been excited about it for weeks. I'm not sure why, but the thought of actually being a mum on mothers day was so exciting. We had breakfast together and did normal family things, taking the dog for walk and cutting abit more firewood. It was not much different to anyother weekend but I was a mum on mothers day! It was fantastic. Then I ring my mum and she tells me that her (and my old) nextdoor neighbours son has just had his first baby! So I get excited and start chatting again about how wonderful it is going to be to start trying for another, and scans and playmate for DS and names and everything baby.
Anyway it is getting late and DS is strating to get abit ratty as he usually does, his pumpkin soup is getting everywhere, and DH decides it is all just too hard and he could never have anymore kids.
We had a really hard time adjusting to having our DS to look after, I was exhausted and ended up with PND and back in hospital. It was really hard. He says my PND is not the reason. I am also 100% bettter now and off medication.
DH watches the baby while I have a shower in the morning, cooks dinner when he gets home on time. if hes late I do it. Undresses the baby while I get his bath ready, and dresses him while I have my shower at night. Holds him while I have dinner. I do everything else.
I am sure he needs to talk to a dr about how he is feeling, when ever I mention it he says theres nothing wrong with him, he says hes fine. I just don't think he is enjoying DS enough. He worries way to much about him getting hurt and is always stressing about things that could go wrong. DS isn't even allowed to pat the neighbours cat when dads home! He is also the most happy kid with a smile for everyone, and is just beautiful.
I really want to have more kids. I can't imagine my life without more, or DS without having siblings. I love my brothers and don't want DS to miss out on that relationship. I want to be pregnant agian, be excited to be trying again, all off it. I even want ot see what labour is like again. But DH just says there is no way he could have more. So needless to say we both ended up bawling last night and I can't even look him in the eye this morning. I told him last night that I wouldn't talk about it anymore but its all I can think about.
What do I do?