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  1. #21
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    Just stumbled across this post and after reading a few comments, it's nice to know that these raging, mixed emotions are not just felt by me....
    We have been TTC#1 for 18months and are now seeing a FS. It's me, not my fiancé which makes me feel even worse
    One of my best friend is 16weeks pregnant and felt horrible at telling me, needless to say I found out thru others, which hurt even more. Everyone around me has young children, is pregnant, or 'wasn't even trying' and got pregnant..... Meanwhile I try and keep the smile on my face when the 'when are you going to hurry up and have a baby' questions pop up, but with each month that passes that we do not conceive, it gets harder and harder.... I hate that I feel like I do and I get angry at myself for letting my fiancé down. It's a cruel cycle that I struggle with daily, and being a supervisor in customer service, I'm faced with babies daily.
    Whilst having children was never a super dooper top of the list thing when younger, my fiancé and I decided that we would wait till we were set up and ready, and now me being 30 and him 31, it makes me wonder if we left our run too late. I don't have any sisters and I've never had a close relationship with my mother, so I'm really carrying a lot of my thoughts and struggles on my own...

    Don't get me wrong, everyone I know who is pregnant, I could not be more happy for them, but a little piece of my dies inside every time

  2. #22
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    Hi Stolz
    I haven't posted on here in awhile, but I read your post and I couldn't help but think this was me a year or two ago... My DH and I tried for 18 months before seeking help from a FS. We then tried various treatments for a year, and then I did 8 months of IVF - 5 rounds, 4 fresh, 1 frozen.
    On our last round of fresh IVF I only got 5 eggs, but one of them was a grade 5, as good as it gets!! Fast forward 11 months and I now have a gorgeous 2 month old baby girl.
    My point being - don't give up - I had completely given up, we were only going to try for one more round after the one that was successful as it's such a rollercoaster I didn't think I could do it. It was all completely worth it.
    And now that I have my daughter, it makes me far more sympathetic to others. I would never ask someone 'when are you going to have a baby' - I would never assume that they are fertile. I don't flaunt my baby on Facebook as I know how much that used to break my heart. I would never ask a mother of one when she's having her second, as if they are like me, one is a blessing and IVF takes such a toll on your life that 2 isn't really an option.
    So I keep my fingers and toes crossed for you - and believe me 30 is def not too old!! We started trying at 32, successful at 36 - while not ideal I do appreciate her so so much more...
    Best of luck to you..

  3. #23
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    Thank you soonerthanlater. Hard to keep focus sometimes but I'm trying my best. I am due to start my first round of Clomid tomorrow and having very mixed emotions. Got my bill for the AMH test yesterday which kind of got me down a bit, but I just have to keep looking on the positive side of things.
    I've really reduced how much I go on Facebook because every second person I'm friends with have a baby or expecting one lol. Think the worst wait is waiting to see FS again. So much waiting after 18months already and my brain keeps saying 'your getting older!!!'

  4. #24
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    Hang in there stolz xx

    It took us just over 4yrs to conceive our little girl. I would get so upset at every pregnancy and birth announcement. Around the 3 yr mark I had counted over 40 and decided it was time to stop counting. To my surprise, even now that we have a baby I still find myself angry when I find out people are expecting. I guess it's more jealousy that they found it so easy. Dd was born 5 years after we decided to start trying. The struggle makes you appreciate everything a lot more, not just your LO.

    Def take a break from facebook and yes the waiting is a killer. Always waiting for something, fs, bloods, scans, af.... you never get used to it lol.

    I wish you the best and hope you aren't left waiting too long.

  5. #25
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    Thank you Ngiaz. I rang my FS an hr ago to see if I could move my next appt forward a week due to work but they have to get the practice manager to look as it's a bit of a squeeze due to FS going away a few days after she sees me again. Also asked for results on AMH test but they said there was nothing on comments and they'll get FS to ring me. Feel like this is going so slow yet my life is going to fast!
    Saw a girl this morning on Facebook going on about how she has to go and buy 'fat clothes' today because her belly has popped so much that none of her clothes fit anymore. Has put me in such a downer of a mood 😔
    Day off work today which I'd normally love, but days off work on my own = too much thinking time. Just want all my results back and the other tests done that FS wants to do so I know where I stand with everything and what I face. Just feel like starting clomid is a waste of time when it looks like I have few eggs left...

  6. #26
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    Stolz, feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to that's been there, done that.
    I was told to do IUI which I persisted with for 6 months - fairly sure I was just lining my FS pockets with cash as I don't think there is a very high success rate for this with infertile women.
    I agree with the previous poster - even now it hurts when someone gets pregnant, knowing they didn't struggle. On the flipside, a lady at work had years of IVF and I couldn't have been happier for her to finally get pregnant.
    I also ended up seeing a psychologist for about 18 months, which was really a big help for me. I never told any friends or family that we were seeing a FS or having IVF so it was great to have someone to talk to.
    The waiting is horrid - and when you eventually do get pregnant (yes, you more than likely will, you are not old at all!!!!) it's another 9 months of just waiting and wishing and hoping that everything will be okay.
    Don't ever doubt that your FS knows best. I used to sit on google and bubhub reading all the things other women were doing and would tell him and he'd just ignore me and do whatever he wanted to do. Clearly they know more than us, so let them do their job. It is a game of trial and error. They want success as much as you - it adds to their statistics and makes other women want to go to them and spend their money.
    In terms of AMH results - I was in my FS hospital one day with a girl who had really improved her results with just diet and exercise. She wasn't a big girl, but over a 6 month period she went from scary low to almost normal for her age. So just don't give up.
    The only thing I can suggest is to do plenty of the things that you can't do when do have a baby - If you can afford it, try weekends away, or just a movie and late dinner. Sleep in late in the mornings, go out for long lazy brunches, and rub it in the faces of your friends with kids!! Believe me, they will be jealous of you!!

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to soonerthanlater For This Useful Post:

    stolz  (19-06-2014),Tamagotchi  (21-06-2014)

  8. #27
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    Thank you soonerthanlater. Means a lot

    Second day of first round of Clomid and I feel like death! Hot sweats and feeling hot when I know it's not, a headache I can't get rid of, short of breath and generally just feeling funny. Have to work a 9hr shift this arvo and really not looking forward to it

  9. #28
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    Ugh, I remember night sweats.. Mine were in Jan/Feb in Brisbane where it's already a thousand degrees outside. It made me far more sympathetic to the older ladies at my work who were going through menopause though!

    Best of luck, it's all worth it in the end

  10. #29
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    Was very pale and off again yesterday so going to take clomid tonight to see if I can avoid the side effects a little more.

  11. #30
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    Ugh! I found the side effects from Clomid far worse than an ivf cycle.


 

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