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  1. #11
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    Hi just a quick intro. I know how it feels to see friends, relatives, couples with babies, toddlers, pregnant...
    To make long story short..I have mitral stenosis though it would do no harm should I get pregnant but I can't get pregnant naturaly. We did IVF/ICSI without success. I lost my sister, brother and a nephew the same year we were trying to get pregnant. Devastated, we decided to stop trying.
    I have 2 nieces age 21 and 17. My 21 yo niece has a son age 3 and her 17 yo sister has a 5mth baby boy and is now almost 2 month pregnant. The chances for me to get pregnant naturally pretty slim if not NIL but we might TTC naturally again next month.
    To everyone, be brave, support those who are pregnant be happy for them though it never easy. Have a nice week

    IVF/ICSI 2008/2009/early 2010
    AF before BT

    Last edited by whereismybaby; 25-09-2012 at 13:17.

  2. #12
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    I know your pain, but I read somewhere 8 months ago about looking at it differently.

    A friend being pregnant isn't about you, it is about them. Imagine them in a small bubble and you in yours. I used to feel that it was unfair and that life was unfair and that why couldn't I get pregnant when everyone else can. But it isn't about everyone else it is about your journey.

    It is difficult, I know, I avoided a pregnant friend as I didn't think I could cope, but I regret that now, as I missed out on enjoying her journey.

    What I think I am trying to say is that in the end I decided that I was punishing myself by avoiding these situations. Don't get me wrong, there was some times when no amount of positive thinking could stop the tears from coming, but it got better.

    Yes it is hard to be TTC from months and years and all those around you find it so easy. But their journey is not yours and try to stay positive. to you all.

  3. #13
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    I know how everyone else feels. I think I've actually lost the will to be even upset about it anymore. It's just... Numbness on my part. Two years TTC, four miscarriages, and now having to wait atleast two years to TTC with my partner after he agreed to middle of next year then changed his mind. And everyone keeps announcing their pregnancy on FB/posting up pics of bubs, etc etc, which is great. Except it's been constant for almost two years. I kinda wanna curl up in a ball and die in a hole and pretend the world doesn't exist.

  4. #14
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    You're all much better people than me. My husband and I have been trying for 18 months, several IUI, a lap and now we're facing IVF, which I'm not sure I can mentally cope with.
    I just had a friend tell me she's pregnant after not really trying at all, the same month they were married in. I felt nothing but resentment and couldn't wait to get out of the restaurant - I couldn't finish my lunch. I left and called DH who is interstate and sobbed and sobbed, now I'm back at work holding back a fountain of tears till I can get out of here in a couple of hours.
    I know it's not about me, it's about her - but today is also CD1 where I am not UTD yet again and I'm kind of over it. I don't know how you all do it but good for you for not letting it eat you up!

  5. #15
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    Elestrial is offline recognising possibilities again. Thank you God!
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    Default Coping with friends and family pregnancies

    I hear what you're saying about them being on their journey and you being on yours, but it's really hard not to compare. I have managed to celebrate with most of my friends their good news, but then I go home and cry. And I do avoid them during their pregnancy because it is upsetting to me to see them having what I want so badly. The notable exception to the be happy is a friend who announced she "had an alien inside her" and how over it she was, and that was how I found out she was up the duff, and then did the maths and discovered that she had conceived 6 weeks after her wedding... A wedding that the groom wasn't interested in and she was so unsure about that she had previously cheated on him. Yeah... I couldn't find the joy for her. I sat on the train crying over the phone to my mother as I ranted.
    But I am finding the healthiest way to get through this is to smile and spend as much time as I can being there and being happy for them, but giving myself permission to leave if I am unhappy. This was very freeing and has helped me to be less upset, because I don't stay at functions until I'm a blubbery mess, I stop and go home and get on with my day. To be sure this means I often leave early, but I'm not apologising for that.
    If this baby thing never happens then I hope that the amount of times I have to leave gets smaller as I get more used to it, and it becomes less painful.

  6. #16
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    I know how you feel guys. I have been trying for my second child nearly 18 months. I have friends that felt pregnant after few months leaving the pills but the worst part for me is that my colleague felt pregnant without trying at all (according to her) and knowing that I was seeking fertility assistance. It has been hard for me to go to work every day and heard her daily journey. I was happy for her but at the same time upset because I had to delay my treatment because she would go for maternity leave soon. I know it sounds silly and selfish but I cant avoid those horrible feelings

  7. #17
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    Default Coping with friends and family pregnancies

    Right there with you girls. Somehow it feels like someone you know getting pregnant reduces your own chances -- like they've stolen my baby!!

    I have given myself permission to avoid pregnant friends if I'm not feeling up to it, and to cry after I see them if I want. That said, the one friend I am least jealous of is the one I've spoken to about it the most - so maybe avoidance doesn't ultimately help.

    I've also found I can't look at babies in public -- and my husband is the same, sadly. The other day we were in line at a cafe and the woman in front of us had a cute bub who was looking at my husband. Normally he'd make faces and smile and wave but he just stared straight past it. Really made me sad.

    I did read about a Facebook app/ filter that replaced pictures of babies in your newsfeed with pictures of bacon, puppies and cake instead! Have seriously considered downloading this!!!

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  9. #18
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    Default Coping with friends and family pregnancies

    We had been trying since 2008 but earlier this year every important woman in my life was pregnant as well as many others less close to me. My two best friends and my sister!! These are the people that I would normally confide in the most and it just became so difficult to hear them complain about pregnancy when it's all that I wanted. And then I did fall pregnant in the same timeframe, and then miscarried so it made the whole thing even worse as they met their milestones and I was left behind broken hearted.

    The good thing about pregnancy is it only last 9 months and I can say honestly that the time went quite quickly for me, once my sister gave birth it felt like a huge relief because it was something I was so afraid of facing. It wasn't as bad as I imagined if to be though, babies bring so much joy that it becomes contagious. It made me envious but grateful for other things in my life too like sleep and time with my hubby! It made it easier to enjoy the time I have right now rather than just enduring my life while I wait for something else.

  10. #19
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    This is one reason why I have inactivated my f/b account. I've found it's helped, the less baby pics I see right now the better it's just too hard. Like a few others have also said, I also at times avoid social gatherings, esp if I know most of the conversation will be on babies or pregnancy, why torture myself! I do make an effort though to see all of my friends, at the moment I have 3 close friends pregnant, so happy for them but I can't help bring extremely jealous and thinking why not us but then I think we all have our difficulties in life and unfortunately for us it's this ivf crap! Sometimes I feel like running away to an island where there r only adults. Taking one day at a time and hoping for the best, gl all baby dust x

  11. #20
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    Babyblue wish I could have a drink and share stories with you.
    I haven't been on here for a long time, and today being mother's day I am really struggling. We have been ttc for some years now and today I just want to cry. My life is pretty good and just this week I had the experience of a lifetime. So I should be happy and on top of the world right? Wrong!
    We come home today from this amazing experience, the world is a wonderful place and I'm feeling reinvigorated about everything. Enter DH, he has been moody and shifts from being interested and caring to indifferent and antagonistic. He makes passing cute mention of having a 2legged child one day and then proceeds to seem like he doesn't give a hoot about anything and acts as if I'm not there. And right now I want to lose my **** at him because the softly softly approach clearly isn't working. Feeling so confused and so ungrateful about myself. It's not supposed to be this hard is it?


 

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