Miss13 has been wanting to get her hair dyed for about two years now. She originally wanted red streaks, to which I said when starts highschool. By the time she was approaching highschool she had changed to wanting blonde streaks, which I said no to because bleaching chemincals are bad for hair.
She has been going through a few ideas, and finally settled on wanting an all-over red/copper dye. I agreed but said she would need to raise the money to pay for it. Just before going away to school camp, she asked about getting some for a home dye job as that would be cheaper than a professional one. I agreed to help her in the upcoming school holidays. She was insistent that she wanted it earlier. I agreed to keep it in mind for a weekend if we could fit it in, but no guarantees, and we would definately be able to find time in the holidays, as long as she reminded me.
She gets back from school camp yesterday and insists we need to get the dye and do her hair this weekend, because I said she could. I responded that we would if we could manage it, but no guarantees. She was insistent that we must. Today we go to look for dye and she is really excited. We look in a hairdressers first and get advice about what is good. She is keen to buy it then and there, but I insist on looking around to compare.
Next stop is the supermarket. We are looking at the range available and she is holding Miss5's hand. Miss5 is struggling to get away and Miss13 is getting frustrated, so I take Miss5's hand to take the stress off her. But Miss13 still refuses to let go. Miss5 objects saying, "but I want to hold Mum's hand instead" and Miss13 refuses saying that she isn't allowed to run away.
I point out that I am holding Miss5's hand so Miss13 can let go. Miss13 lets go, but brings her leg up and kicks Miss5. There was no force to the kick at all and no intention to harm. I instantly object and tell her that kicking her sister is unacceptable. Miss13 refutes this saying it was only a nudge.
We've had longstanding problems with Miss13's younger sisters complaining that she has hurt them and Miss13 objecting that she only bumped, nudged, brushed past, etc. I have made it quite clear that she is not to get physical with her younger sisters and she just doesn't seem to accept that.
The argument quickly escalates with Miss13 claiming she had done nothing wrong and it was all Miss5's fault. So I say, "No hair dye today then". Miss13 is devastated because I've taken away from her the only thing she cares about. We go to continue the shopping for things Miss13 needs for her school cooking lesson on Monday but she is not willing and says she just wants to go home.
So home we come, and Miss13 goes and cries on her bed.
I feel like a real heel. I don't believe that giving in to a tantrum is the right thing to do. During the trip home, I keep trying to talk to her about how we have a continual problem with her being physical with her younger sisters and that has to stop. Her defence is that Miss16 used to beat her up when she was a kid and I did nothing about it.
(I don't recall this at all, but of course things may've been different from her point of view. Also, her early primary school years were the difficult time after I split from her father and we were suffering instability with housing, having to move frequently. So it is possible that I may have missed such things.)
She just came out, objected that there was nothing to eat (The house is full of food), and sat down and moped for awhile. Then said, "Today was supposed to be a good day. f***ed it up." and walked off.
Her language is something else I am constantly pulling her up on, and last night I was really impressed that she apologised for swearing on the way home from youth group. I thanked her for that apology and said that it was a really good sign.