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  1. #1
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    Default 8yo dd having 'bad thoughts'

    I put my 8yo dd to bed tonight and about 10 minutes later she came out and said that she was having bad thoughts about her brother ... that it would be better if he 'wasn't around anymore so she could have me all to herself'. She has also, in the past, told me that occasionally she has bad thoughts about people, like if someone's overweight, or mean etc., which I've assured her that those feelings are fine, but it's not nice to think mean things about other people etc., however tonight's comment threw me for a sixer. She said she knew that the thought about her brother was bad and she was genuinely upset about it and said that she didn't want him to die but just felt like he got all my attention (her brother is 3). I try to split my time equally and think I do a pretty good job at giving her 1 on 1 time, I listen intently to what she says and play lots of games with her at home. DH works long hours so I'm here alot of the time by myself and don't have any other family members around to look after 1 child while I give huge chunks of time to another child, but we have little outings together and I do the best that I can for both of them.

    I don't think I handled it well tonight though because when she said that she wished her brother dead it just broke my heart, and I got upset with her and told her to go to bed, and now I can't shake this awful feeling I have. I will talk to her in the morning when I'm feeling calmer because she's asleep now, and thankfully I have calmed down and am looking forward to having a chat with her, re-assuring her that these feelings are natural from time to time and trying to work out a way for her to have more positive thoughts instead of negative ones, and turning all life situations into positive instead of negative.

    Does anyone have any advice about this or has been through anything similar. I thought about making a pet rock that she can tell her worries to, then put it under her pillow at night time (because that's when she does all her thinking).

  2. #2
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    Aww she's only little and kids do get jealous...just talk to her in the morning...

  3. #3
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    That's very sad My younger sister used to say things like that to me all the time, probably didn't help that I constantly picked on her. But now, we love eachother to bits. I think it's good that's she telling you how she's feeling/thinking though.

  4. #4
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    Oh Big big hugs!
    I went through this with DD.

    She used to tell me the voices were telling her to hurt her sister.

    So I took her to a psych who was great. Said it was normal. She is processing all kinds of different feelings like jealousy and envy ...etc.

    So we got her to keep a book...she can write in it, draw and she has the choice to show me or not.
    We also bought the Guatemalan worrry people and she tells all her thoughts to them.

    We talk about feeling and every feeling has a colour...so if she is feeling green, that means a certain feeling.
    Some days she will draw red..or pink..and that is a feeling.
    Words, pictures all help for her to explain the feelings.


    Its so damn scary..but we have the same as adults, that little voice in our heads that says the things we have learnt to silence.

    xoxoxox

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    I would tell her in the morning that you are so proud of her for telling you how she feels. You wouldn't want her hiding it from now on because she thinks it might upset you.

    I would then ask her if she would like to talk to someone about it that wasn't her family so she didnt feel bad with what she might say, I would then go down the counselling path.

    I am only suggesting this because of the fact that she feels bad about these thoughts she is having, not because I think its an actual "problem" that she might hurt her brother.

    AND you don't need to justify yourself here, with how much time you spend with her etc. I think these thoughts would be there regardless and are pretty normal.


  7. #6
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    Thanks for your feedback!!

    The next morning she woke up and said sorry for saying what she said about her brother and I just gave her a huge hug, reassured her that she has done nothing wrong and that she can always tell me how she feels. She admitted to feeling a little jealous and in need of some 'mummy time' so we had a great morning today, just her and I went on the train and into the City for lots of girl time and she loved that. She also liked the idea of a worry doll so I will buy her one tomorrow.

    Thnks again


 

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