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  1. #1
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    Default Confused about feeding and settling etc

    Hi all,

    My DD is 10 weeks old today and I'm still breastfeeding. I've been seeking help regarding settling her (as its always so hard to get her to sleep) and also when and how to feed her.

    I've been going to Child and Youth health (SA) to their settling class and day service to help with strategies on how to get her to sleep and they have taught the feed, play sleep routine where I'm not supposed to rock her or feed her to sleep, but put her down tired and pay or rock her till she sleeps.

    Well that worked for a week and a half but now I can't get her to sleep after her plays at all or for very long.

    So I turn to my ABA group today and they believe in feeding whenever DD cries (even if its only been an hour since the last feed) and to carry her around on me if I can't get her to sleep.

    Well that completely contradicts the CYH advice, which I tend to prefer as it means we can start setting good habits early as I don't want her to be an over dependent and clingy child, but I'm at a loss as to how to get her to sleep when my CYH routine falls apart and she doesn't sleep.

    This is a bit of a vent on how i never know what to do when i get such conflicting info.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do when she won't sleep when the feed play sleep routine falls apart? Is there any harm in breaking it when she goes through unsettled periods and spend a few days rocking her to sleep like I used to?

    Thanks in advance!!!

  2. #2
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    I don't have advice but you might want to do some more research on attachment parenting techniques as it does not necessarily mean an over dependably or clingy child.

    Ad you never know, it might work wonders for both of you!

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    Laksa  (11-05-2012)

  4. #3
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    I know it's incredibly frustrating but there is always going to be conflicting advice on this topic. Quite simply, there is no right or wrong. You are best off to do whatever suits you and your baby.

    For what it's worth though, I believe your DD is too young to form bad habits so if feeding and/or rocking to sleep works then so be it! I tried the feed, play sleep routine with DS but it turned into a feed, play, feed, sleep, rock routine for us. It got to a point where I found him to wriggly/heavy to rock to sleep but I still fed him to sleep till at least 8 months of age. Probably wasn't until he was 12 months old that he actually got to a point where I could put him down and he'd doze off on his own.

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    I bottle feed, but I have no issue feeding 12 week old DD to sleep, I generally feed her when she wakes up and before sleep time. Not always will she go to sleep while feeding, sometimes she'll feed then refuse the bottle and choose to doze until she falls asleep, or I'll lay her down in her cot and she puts herself to sleep.
    I generally find that if she's not settling, and even feeding to sleep isn't working, I just go through the routine the PP stated (feed, play, feed, rock etc) until it becomes very apparent that she's tired, then I'll feed once more, or rock her or pat her to sleep. Note: I demand feed so this works in that sort of routine.

    Hope that gives some idea of what you could do

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    I'm not trying to shoot you down in flames for asking for advice.. It's very helpful. You'll never stop getting conflicting advice and what someone else said above is exactly right - there's no right or wrong, you need to find what works for both of you. I can say however that figuring that out can be extremely stressful and kudos for asking others.
    My bub was bf only until about 10-12 weeks - not by choice - I followed the routine that you described. I eventually threw it all out the window and did the self settle thing. I don't like controlled crying so didnt allow it to get that far but each to their own. Are you still swaddling? I read somewhere that people tend to stop because they think babies dislike it. I stopped swaddling early on as no matter what I did, Mr Wiggleworm got out of it. I also got into what i consider to be a nasty habit of soothing him with a swing and letting him nap there. Worst thing I ever did!! When I did the self sooth thing, it took Peanut a week or two to figure it out. He still has his off days but now I can pop him into bed, swaddle him with his zip up swaddle, put his music on and he drifts off in minutes with no complaints! Now to work on unswaddling...

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    I would follow your instincts and find what works for you and your baby. Some days are going to feel easy and other days it will be hard. Bubs change so quickly at that age that what worked for a week suddenly doesn't anymore.

    I agree that there are lots of different opinions and advice given which can feel very overwhelming. The hardest thing I find as a new mother is "knowing what is the right thing to do". I am learning that the right thing for one person and their baby is not always what is right for you and your baby. I am also learning to research, get opinions and then take what I need to make it work for me and forget the rest.

    If you feel that feed/play/sleep is the best pattern for you to follow then I would stick with it, but if somedays it doesn't work and you feed/rock to sleep that is ok too.

    The most important thing is that your baby is happy and healthy and that you are too.

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    Oh! Completely forgot the feeding thing - I'd feed on time frames. Never woke him up while he was sleeping to feed but by the time I got him to settle easily he was bottle fed. Sorry I can't be of more help there!

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    Hi cuddles await.

    Like everyone else has said, each to their own and there will always be conflicting advice about this.
    Personally I believe that an asleep baby is a good baby, and however you are able to get that baby to that state (i.e. asleep!), is a good way, especially when they are so young.

    I have a 24 week old baby, and bf him to demand. I work on a vague feed, play, sleep routine. As he got a little older, I tried to vaguely work around the time frame from the Baby bliss website for sleep. Remember, especially with bf, the bub may need more at certain times, or be hungrier more often. When my DS is going through a wonder week, he feeds much more and is more clingy and it is really much harder to get him to sleep. Try not to feed him to a time frame if exclusively bfing.

    We have just moved DS to a cot from a bassinet, so have just stopped the rocking to sleep, and are using a mobile and head patting, which seems to work for us. We also allow him to have a little whinge before we go in there.

    At 10 weeks, you can't really form bad habits, though I understand you are hoping he will form good self settling habits early.

    I would say that I try my hardest to just read my child. As soon as there were any tired signs, bam, he was put down to bed, hopefully before another yawn. If he cried, I would try to work out if he was hungry, dirty nappy, tired, or just grumpy and teary, which can also happen. I tended to feed by bub to sleep for the last feed before bed, until recently he started not going to sleep on my boob. So I fed and then have started a bit of a routine to get him to bed, which we will now follow, like we did with our first.

    This was a bit of a ramble way to say that you don't need to go the whole attachment parenting route, or the whole cyh route. There are the in between ways, where you read your child, and pretty soon your DD will form some kind of routine which suits her.

    I hope it works out for you. It's pretty hard to see where it all takes you!

    CYH should give you some info on wonder weeks when you have a mothers group, otherwise check it out on their website. It is nice to have an idea when the more difficult times are coming. Generally all routine goes up in smoke during that time, and you just do what you need to do to get through.


 

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