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  1. #31
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    I could not be with a man , who does not see a child he made.

    no way ..ever.
    equally I would struggle to be friends with a woman who walked away from her child.

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  3. #32
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    DP doesn't but my eldest is an 'abandoned' child whose father has gone on to get married and have 2 kids. His father and I were 17. We were toxic to each other. We weren't together when I found out bfp. He had 'life plans' I had the choice not to abort. Obviously I didn't. The father disappeared when I was 3 months pregnant, didn't tell his (wealthy) family I was pregnant and then showed up on my doorstep one night when ds was 8 weeks old (mostly checking so see if they looked alike....:screwy: ) he's not even on ds's birth cert because he never turned up to sign the papers.

    I grew up with my mother court forcing my father into contact with me and paying CS. he was a jack in the box father and eventually he just stopped fulfilling his obligations and stopped all contact. Needless to say that had effects on my 6yr old mind.

    When DS's father never called again and never showed up on our doorstep I never chased him. I made it clear to him that night he was either going to be consistent in contact even if it was only a phone call once every couple of weeks or nothing at all. I wasn't going to force him into contact, I sure as hell didnt want him jerking my son around saying he'll spend time with him and not bother to show. He obviously made his choice. And as for CS. Yep it costs money to raise kids, but quite bluntly, I'm not accepting money off someone who doesn't care or want to care for my child no matter how much is on offer (which in this case was $0) End of story.

    As far as I'm concerned ds had a sperm donor. But if ds wants to know afore mentioned donor when he's older ill help him get in contact (and that scares the cr@p outta me!)

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  5. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by sockstealingpoltergeist View Post
    A mans character can be judged on how he treats his children.
    That's a load of rot.

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  7. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerylsMum View Post
    I could not be with a man , who does not see a child he made.

    no way ..ever.
    equally I would struggle to be friends with a woman who walked away from her child.
    This exactly

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  9. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renesme View Post
    Again in the same instance.. a life that has been created deserves to be born
    Has your child been walked away from? I'd hazard a guess that by this post, your child has not.

    You know, if she had been aborted, she'd have died fairly quickly and that'd be it. She'd have never had a chance to know her parents and then be torn away from them. God, she probably wouldn't have even had a chance to properly grow skin.

    Instead, she was born, and walked away from when she was 3.5. She knew her father... I was with him until she was 3 so she saw him heaps. She knew he was her dad and thought he loved her.

    Then he meets a girl, and abandons DD and flees the country. He occasionally called or sent a present. Offered a small amount of money to help raise her on occasion. Then it got less and less until now he does nothing. He doesn't call, write, visit, send gifts for birthdays/Christmas, doesn't send any child support to help raise her. He does jack sh*t. She's nearly 7. She's very well aware of this fact.

    If you saw the way she sometimes cries, the pain she has when she realises that she doesn't have "a dad" anymore because he's a selfish ****, then I think you'd understand that it's likely just a bit more painful than if she had been killed in a matter of minutes before she'd even taken her first breath.

    The pain she suffers is ongoing and god only knows what kind of long-lasting damage she might suffer because of this. I fear it'll be a bit of an issue when it comes to her growing up and being involved romantically with men.

    Stop spouting ignorant crap. Abortion and abandoning your child are not even comparable... but don't be so deluded as to think a child who is abandoned by a parent, and knows it, is unlikely to suffer.
    Last edited by BH-KatiesMum; 15-05-2012 at 11:18. Reason: edit quote

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  11. #36
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    I girls

    Can we please be a little more considerate when discussing abortion.

    Remember that there are people reading this who have been in these situations, so some empathy wouldnt go astray.

    Also - remember to debate the opinion ... not insult the member who holds it.

    Cheers
    Julie

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  13. #37
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    Firstly, I don't think you can liken a man who donates sperm anonymously to a man who father's a child and then chooses not to see it.

    Sperm donors are doing a selfless thing, helping other's create a family they may not otherwise be able to create. A man who fathers a child and walks away from them is, IMO, a selfish b@stard. Of course there are cases where a man wants to see his child but can't, but I'm talking about cases where a woman gives birth to a child and the father says 'Nope, no thanks!' and walks away.

    Maybe my opinion is skewed because I am the child of a man who decided he wanted nothing to do with me, and as well adjusted as I am, have some major daddy issues surrounding the whole scenario, even though I have a wonderfully active stepfather. I'm also going to need a sperm donor to make my dream of family a reality.

    I think it's a lot easier to explain to a child she was conceived because someone wanted her mummies to be able to have a family together so they gave us their sperm to make that happen than it is to say when your father found out I was expecting a baby he ran to the hills because he wanted nothing to do with you.

    JMO.

    I couldn't go out with someone who didn't want to see their child, or at the very least, didn't ensure the child was amply provided for if there was something stopping them from seeing them. I would, however, go out with someone who donated sperm with the intention of it helping others create a family.

    ETA: I realise the reason for *not* wanting to donate sperm is maybe knowing you've got a piece of your genes running around somewhere, but just because other people see it differently doesn't make them neglectful.
    Last edited by rainbow road; 15-05-2012 at 11:57.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    Firstly, I don't think you can liken a man who donates sperm anonymously to a man who father's a child and then chooses not to see it.

    Sperm donors are doing a selfless thing, helping other's create a family they may not otherwise be able to create. A man who fathers a child and walks away from them is, IMO, a selfish b@stard. Of course there are cases where a man wants to see his child but can't, but I'm talking about cases where a woman gives birth to a child and the father says 'Nope, no thanks!' and walks away.

    Maybe my opinion is skewed because I am the child of a man who decided he wanted nothing to do with me, and as well adjusted as I am, have some major daddy issues surrounding the whole scenario, even though I have a wonderfully active stepfather. I'm also going to need a sperm donor to make my dream of family a reality.

    I think it's a lot easier to explain to a child she was conceived because someone wanted her mummies to be able to have a family together so they gave us their sperm to make that happen than it is to say when your father found out I was expecting a baby he ran to the hills because he wanted nothing to do with you.

    JMO.

    I couldn't go out with someone who didn't want to see their child, or at the very least, didn't ensure the child was amply provided for if there was something stopping them from seeing them. I would, however, go out with someone who donated sperm with the intention of it helping others create a family.

    ETA: I realise the reason for *not* wanting to donate sperm is maybe knowing you've got a piece of your genes running around somewhere, but just because other people see it differently doesn't make them neglectful.
    I agree RR, my comparison was bad but I meant that a loving family doesn't require the person who doesnt want to be involved and shows no care or regard ie "dead beat". I didn't explain myself well.

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  17. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Has your child been walked away from? I'd hazard a guess that by this post, your child has not.

    You know, if she had been aborted, she'd have died fairly quickly and that'd be it. She'd have never had a chance to know her parents and then be torn away from them. God, she probably wouldn't have even had a chance to properly grow skin.

    Instead, she was born, and walked away from when she was 3.5. She knew her father... I was with him until she was 3 so she saw him heaps. She knew he was her dad and thought he loved her.

    Then he meets a girl, and abandons DD and flees the country. He occasionally called or sent a present. Offered a small amount of money to help raise her on occasion. Then it got less and less until now he does nothing. He doesn't call, write, visit, send gifts for birthdays/Christmas, doesn't send any child support to help raise her. He does jack sh*t. She's nearly 7. She's very well aware of this fact.

    If you saw the way she sometimes cries, the pain she has when she realises that she doesn't have "a dad" anymore because he's a selfish ****, then I think you'd understand that it's likely just a bit more painful than if she had been killed in a matter of minutes before she'd even taken her first breath.

    The pain she suffers is ongoing and god only knows what kind of long-lasting damage she might suffer because of this. I fear it'll be a bit of an issue when it comes to her growing up and being involved romantically with men.

    Stop spouting ignorant crap. Abortion and abandoning your child are not even comparable... but don't be so deluded as to think a child who is abandoned by a parent, and knows it, is unlikely to suffer.

    I'm not talking about instances where he was once in the child's life. I'm talking about instances where the father doesn't want the child from the word go i.e. when the mother is pregnant, so comparing it that situation is not realistic.

    Fathers who walk away from their children they have known and loved is different to walking away before you ever knew them.

  18. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renesme View Post
    I'm not talking about instances where he was once in the child's life. I'm talking about instances where the father doesn't want the child from the word go i.e. when the mother is pregnant, so comparing it that situation is not realistic.

    Fathers who walk away from their children they have known and loved is different to walking away before you ever knew them.
    But it all equals not accepting responsibility. My mum would have benefitted from child support the way Sassy would have; Sassy's DD and I will both have grown up with few (or no) memories about our fathers; We both have other men playing the father role in our life.

    What about down the track? I found out I have a heart problem that, to be treated best, needs a medical history from both sides. I can't get that. I tried to contact my bio-dad to ask for one, but he didn't respond to me. How is that fair?

    What about his parents who don't know I exist, or his new wife? How would it affect their family if I were to show up, unannounced and present myself as his daughter? He shouldn't have had the right to sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn't happen. I hope it bites him in the *** sometime.

    What about my half siblings? What if they find out about me when they're older? I know I'd be absolutely furious if either of my parents had another child somewhere that I never got the chance to know.

    These people need to be responsible. This isn't the sort of 'problem' you should hide from.

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