swearing and bullying - 3 yr olds. VENT

[Bonkers]

i just got to the kids daycare, my DS is in the kindy room, so DD and i make our way there, she didnt go today coz she was sick, we get there and while im signing forms and waiting to sign some forms, there s a little boy next to a daycare attendant playing with a toy he snatch from my DS (he chased him around till my DS fell over and then took it from him while he was down) apparently no one but me saw this, they only saw my DS start crying on the floor, the little boy didnt even get told to say sorry. then while i was talking to the lady and signing the for his toy must of hurt him (the snatcher kid) and he all of a sudden very clearly says "F**K my finger" the daycare lady just ignored him, and i stood there opened mouthed like wth? what are these kids getting away with and why are my kids targeted. mean while when all this is going on my DD is trying to play with the play equipment while she waits and this little girl was following her everywhere stopping her at all means, pushing, snatching, and jumping on stuff super fast before my little one could do anything, the other daycare lady wasnt even watching the kids, then the little girls mum gets there and says were u helping the little girl ride? (my DD is only 1 and 11 mnths) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??????/ the mum is lucky that when she got there her daughter stopped. i was ready to get grumpy. and if she didnt stop and the ladies continued to ignore the kids i would of made a complaint somewhere somehow.

im so disgusted at this behavior from 3 yr olds! my little boy never swears and says please thank you and when he sees someone crying or hurt drops what his doing and rushes over to see if there ok.

[ricepudding]

That sounds awful. Kids swearing is one thing, but the staff sound like they're not paying attention at all!

Is it an option to investigate new childcare centres? You'll feel worried about leaving them there if you know that's going on.

I booked my son into one centre, but after 2 inductions just had bad vibes about the place. Similar problem with staff not being present and apparently not really liking kids. I pulled the pin and found another centre that I'm really happy with. DS is happy too - not crying all day except when I drop him off, and playing happily and dancing over to me when I pick him up. It's such a relief to know he's ok - whereas if I'd stuck with the first place I'd feel sick about leaving him there.

Good luck

[ricepudding]

So little did I think I'd have something to contribute by way of personal experience...

I went to a play group this morning and all was fine until right near the end when DS (almost 2) wanted to play with the big kids. There were 3 of them, between 4 and 6 years. They started off essentially playing keepings off or piggy in the middle, saying "fetch" meanly to him. He just kept running after the ping pong ball, trying hard to have a turn with it.

Then one child repeatedly dangled a toy just out his reach and said "You want this?" When he gave the other child a big smile, said please and reached for the toy, the other child snatched it away, said "well you can't have it" and ran away from him. He gave chase and, because he was going too fast trying to keep up, kept face planting. I asked her to please share with him, to let him have a go with the toy too.

This went on for about 5 or 10 mins. The other mums were nearby but just oblivious. I got down on my knees and talked to the big kids 3 or 4 times, asking the to please play nicely and share etc, but it had little effect. I didn't know what to do - it wasn't my place to discipline the other kids, especially with their mums so close by. Because I wasn't sure how to handle it, it went on for longer than I was comfortable with.

By the end, I was so upset, fighting tears. My little boy isn't a dog! I was trying to pack up to leave, and one of the parents of these children asked me what was wrong. I said nothing but when she asked again I burst into tears. So embarrassing - I've never met these people before today! I just couldn't stop myself. I managed to blubber out the part about the other kids saying fetch, and the mums were quick to tell me it was just role playing, really normal, was the older kids inviting him to join them.

I don't feel it was "role playing" at all. It was big kids picking on the little kid, teasing him. I'm still really upset - the thought of my little man smiling so hopefully, trying so hard, and being teased just makes me cry. I know he will face bullies later in life, but 2 feels too young.

[Bonkers]

So little did I think I'd have something to contribute by way of personal experience...

I went to a play group this morning and all was fine until right near the end when DS (almost 2) wanted to play with the big kids. There were 3 of them, between 4 and 6 years. They started off essentially playing keepings off or piggy in the middle, saying "fetch" meanly to him. He just kept running after the ping pong ball, trying hard to have a turn with it.

Then one child repeatedly dangled a toy just out his reach and said "You want this?" When he gave the other child a big smile, said please and reached for the toy, the other child snatched it away, said "well you can't have it" and ran away from him. He gave chase and, because he was going too fast trying to keep up, kept face planting. I asked her to please share with him, to let him have a go with the toy too.

This went on for about 5 or 10 mins. The other mums were nearby but just oblivious. I got down on my knees and talked to the big kids 3 or 4 times, asking the to please play nicely and share etc, but it had little effect. I didn't know what to do - it wasn't my place to discipline the other kids, especially with their mums so close by. Because I wasn't sure how to handle it, it went on for longer than I was comfortable with.

By the end, I was so upset, fighting tears. My little boy isn't a dog! I was trying to pack up to leave, and one of the parents of these children asked me what was wrong. I said nothing but when she asked again I burst into tears. So embarrassing - I've never met these people before today! I just couldn't stop myself. I managed to blubber out the part about the other kids saying fetch, and the mums were quick to tell me it was just role playing, really normal, was the older kids inviting him to join them.

I don't feel it was "role playing" at all. It was big kids picking on the little kid, teasing him. I'm still really upset - the thought of my little man smiling so hopefully, trying so hard, and being teased just makes me cry. I know he will face bullies later in life, but 2 feels too young.

thats horrible!!! i really hope you and DS are ok! some parents are just stupid. thats the only way i can explain it! our darling babies are nice and say please and thank you and just have manners (at 2/3yrs!!) while the mums (no offence to the good ones) of the older kids dont seem to teach them that. its not just daycare kids, DP's sisters kids are rude and demanding. they are 4 and 6 yrs (i think) the only good thing with my experience that time was my little girl trying to stand up for her self with the bully. i was so proud coz im not aggressive at all... im a push over hahaha.
dont worry tho, i cried when i got home, and when i called them to complain i had to try not to cry. next time just say whats happened straight from the start. thats what i will be doing. and mab find a dif play group. im going to wait and see what happens with the daycare for now.

[ricepudding]

I'm the same as you unfortunately - a bit of a push over. Wish I wasn't, but I just am - its my personality, nothing much I can do to drastically change it! I was doing really well though - haven't had that kind of uncontrollable, embarrassing cry for about a year and a half!! Oh well.

You're right - should have just said what had happened. Couldn't though - was too busy fighting tears/crying! Will definitely be finding a new playgroup. There are things worth pushing yourself through and stressing over, and this just isn't one. Its an argument with the other mums waiting to happen. And I don't want my little man to learn from that behaviour and replicate it when he's older (and I'm not there to correct him!).

Your daughter sounds like a little nugget - good on her for standing up for herself. They are just so beautiful - so little, and trying so hard!

Thanks also for your reply - it really does make a difference to know there are other people out there who react like I do and feel the same. Its not weak, its just who we are!

I'll be about on BH if you need to vent about childcare any more

[HugsBunny]

So little did I think I'd have something to contribute by way of personal experience...

I went to a play group this morning and all was fine until right near the end when DS (almost 2) wanted to play with the big kids. There were 3 of them, between 4 and 6 years. They started off essentially playing keepings off or piggy in the middle, saying "fetch" meanly to him. He just kept running after the ping pong ball, trying hard to have a turn with it.

Then one child repeatedly dangled a toy just out his reach and said "You want this?" When he gave the other child a big smile, said please and reached for the toy, the other child snatched it away, said "well you can't have it" and ran away from him. He gave chase and, because he was going too fast trying to keep up, kept face planting. I asked her to please share with him, to let him have a go with the toy too.

This went on for about 5 or 10 mins. The other mums were nearby but just oblivious. I got down on my knees and talked to the big kids 3 or 4 times, asking the to please play nicely and share etc, but it had little effect. I didn't know what to do - it wasn't my place to discipline the other kids, especially with their mums so close by. Because I wasn't sure how to handle it, it went on for longer than I was comfortable with.

By the end, I was so upset, fighting tears. My little boy isn't a dog! I was trying to pack up to leave, and one of the parents of these children asked me what was wrong. I said nothing but when she asked again I burst into tears. So embarrassing - I've never met these people before today! I just couldn't stop myself. I managed to blubber out the part about the other kids saying fetch, and the mums were quick to tell me it was just role playing, really normal, was the older kids inviting him to join them.

I don't feel it was "role playing" at all. It was big kids picking on the little kid, teasing him. I'm still really upset - the thought of my little man smiling so hopefully, trying so hard, and being teased just makes me cry. I know he will face bullies later in life, but 2 feels too young.

Oh! That's horrible! I have tears in my eyes just reading it, let alone watching it happen. to you and your DS. Those kids weren't role playing at all, they were being mean and picking on someone smaller than them.

My kids say please and Thankyou and are generally well behaved kids. I am constantly told I'm 'too hard on them' but I think it's important to let them know what behaviour is acceptable and what isn't. There's no way I Would sit by and watch my 4yo do what you described to anyone, let alone a smaller child.

Good on you for raising such lovely kids.

[ricepudding]

Oh! That's horrible! I have tears in my eyes just reading it, let alone watching it happen. to you and your DS. Those kids weren't role playing at all, they were being mean and picking on someone smaller than them.

My kids say please and Thankyou and are generally well behaved kids. I am constantly told I'm 'too hard on them' but I think it's important to let them know what behaviour is acceptable and what isn't. There's no way I Would sit by and watch my 4yo do what you described to anyone, let alone a smaller child.

Good on you for raising such lovely kids.

Thank you! Its really nice to hear from people who think the same way as me who think the 'role playing' excuse sounds like just that - an excuse.

I get told I'm too hard on DS too ("he's little, you ask him to say thanks and please too much"), but if he isn't consistently reminded of his manners then how is he to know when he needs to use them?

I feel the same - if I saw my DS acting that way, I'd correct him immediately and make him say sorry. Its one thing for kids to act that way (and in the end, they;re just kids, its not their fault), but quite another for them not to be corrected and so think the behaviour is ok.

Good on you too re the way you're raising your kids. Hope we come across more families like yours!

[HugsBunny]

Thankyou :-)

You know what really annoys me is when I used to get told 'he's only 12/18 months old, he doesn't understand' mmm-hmmmm that's why I'm MAKING him understand and explaining it to him rather than just ignoring it and letting him get away with it cos he's 'just a baby'.

I firmly believe that our role as parents is to set a good example for our kids and help and teach them to be good people. To me, that means pulling them up and showing them how to treat other people.