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  1. #21
    Ulysses's Avatar
    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    wow - you poor thing.

    you sound like you really love your girls.

    Forget the toilet training thing, kids develop differently and many go along way past 24 months without toilet training - even my paed told me to wait and my daughter is almost 2.

    I hope you can get some help with the kids, it must be really tough in your position. Maybe there are some local resources that can help you out - i know some local councils offer in home child care assistance for free, maybe call your council to ask if any of these services assist in your area - it might give you a bit of a break.
    Last edited by Ulysses; 09-05-2012 at 18:54.

  2. #22
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    Hi, I havent read the other replies however I felt compelled to write back to this! Firstly, you are doing such a wonderful job and are in an unenviable position that anyone would struggle greatly with! I think you're doing remarkably and please dont feel that you're neglecting your children. I am a mandatory reporter through my employment and I would never ever consider reporting the things she has expressed. If you feel within yourself that you ARE struggling (which is completely normal - dont beat yourself up for it!) there are assistance programs to help you. If you wanted to PM me and give me an idea of your general whereabouts I may know of something.
    I think this is a complete overreaction by the teacher, who is obviously very aware of your situation and I dont think her concern is from a nasty place but rather I think she is trying to ensure that you're coping okay. I do however think that she has crossed the line. I would suppose that I would rather know and have someone tell me if they were considering making a report to community services but I genuinely dont think she will, and even if she did they would close the file immediately as it doesnt warrant intervention!

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    TheWhiteKnight  (09-05-2012),Ulysses  (09-05-2012)

  4. #23
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    im so sorry for your loss..

    just thought i would share from a different POV - my mum died when I was 2ish - dad had us 3 girls age 3,5,7 to get to school every morning.

    I remember the following things
    -bath after dinner and our hair would be brushed and tired back (i hated it, it always hurt)
    -morning clothes put on as soon as we got up
    -a big smock put over the top of all our clothes (you know the checkered ones you wear in art, we used to wear them for dinner too)
    -a wet hot fashwasher on our head while we ate breakfast
    -hair smoothed and tired back again (normally with a headband to give the illusion of more order)
    -same facewasher to clean our face after breakfast (prob not that hygienic but we survived)
    -drive in car with our smock on
    -take our smock off at school and go into school

    I think I had extra clothes/undies at school for accidents because sh1t I was 3 and my world had been turned upside down - I prob didnt do all the 'normal' stuff at the normal time but I was ok you know.

    We did have uniforms for school which was maybe easier?
    Last edited by Buttoneska; 09-05-2012 at 19:36.

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  6. #24
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    Firstly, I agree with everything everyone has said.
    I'm sorry this woman has made you feel this way. She probably does not have any idea of grief or getting twins ready.

    The only thing I would add would be to stick a list on the back of the door before you head out, as a checklist of nappies, dummy, shoes, and the 3 meals you have to take and what ever else. Eg stove off, mobile, keys, cat out etc. I love lists.

    Im sure your doing a great job and managing very well. Good luck

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

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    Ulysses  (09-05-2012)

  8. #25
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    Giant hugs. You are doing a great job. Keeping the house clean isn't that important but I know a lot of councils have home help services for families who are struggling. Can you call your child health nurse and make an appointment- quite often if you say between grieving for your hubby and being there for your kids they can organise cheap or free home help as well as possibly other help. Reach out to every government service you can and just say you are struggling- your priority is that your kids are fed, loved and reassured at this time

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    I think your doing great considering the circumstances,

    Have you considered a morning nanny? An extra pair of hands might help if its just an hour in the morning you could get one for about $20 for the hour, often there are nice little retirees that like to do these things.
    No one likes getting criticized on their parenting especially when they are doing their best.
    Big hugs

  10. #27
    Ulysses's Avatar
    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    I agree with chookylaa about writing it down - i use a whiteboard- i have two under two and totally can imagine how hard it would be with twins. I write down everything from baths, to making sure they have had fruit and veg and reading at least one book and i tick off everything as i do it so at the end of the day when i am sitting down thinking did i get everyones needs met - i have a visual in front of me.

    Nappy changes are a tough one in the morning - its easy to find they need a change quite frequently in the am. Usually after breakfast - so depending on how quick you have to leave after they eat, it can be hard to always send them somewhere with clean nappies - what might have been "clean" five minutes ago can very quickly become "dirty"…..its hard to time it.

    I also sort their ward robe so i have going out clothes and at home clothes, so if they need to leave the house then i have some nice outfits for them - I also head bands are great for keeping hair in check.

    There are also apps you can get (some for free) that help you keep track of where you are up to with stuff you want to get done.

  11. #28
    futureherder is offline Child led parent here...save me :)
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    this really upsets me!

    How about offering help! When I suffered a miscarriage my daughters day care were so helpful when I would drop her off in a less then ideal state, they offered for her to come in her pjs and they would get her changed, dressed, hair brushed and feed!

    I am sorry for the loss of your husband, it is a loss I could never imagine. You are doing great. Doing your best is not neglectful and it certainly sounds like you are doing your best.

    Maybe when you seem them next time agree that you are finding it hard to cope and ask if they can help out. It takes a village after all.

    I know the girls need stability but you also need support, is there a possibility of moving to another day care?

    DD always goes to daycare in her knock around clothes, stains everywhere and most of them she got there! Anytime I have to supply food I bring enough for the week or I get extra for them to store there. DD has a loaf of bread in there freezer, spreads and marg in the fridge. Her hair use to be an issue and if she had not finally settled down and let me brush it without a melt down I would have cut it. Wipes in the car are great. However if she is a real mess I just wash her hands and face when we get there, she is usually eating something in the car on the way there. Geez I have even dropped her of with sone of last night milk on her face!

    Anyway I hope you get some understanding from her you are a fantastic mum, don't feel bad.

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  13. #29
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    It sounds to me like you are doing an AMAZING job. Sometimes I get stressed with just one baby, 2 cats and a hubby that helps out. I take
    My bub out in odd socks and stained clothes all the time (not dirty just stained. I am hopeless at stain removal).

    Raising twins without your partner ... You are someone others should be looking up to.

    I think the preschool lady is over-reacting. I wonder if she would talk about similar things with a parent that hadn't been through a crisis. I agree with Biscotti. I'd talk with the director explaining your situation and that you don't appreciate being made to feel crap about tiny issues DoCS wouldn't give a hoot about.

    Xxx

  14. #30
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    please don't be too hard on yourself op. your not a bad mother! from your post your doing everything you possibly can in your situation! i give you props for being able to continue with everything, im sure your doing the best you can.
    honestly i wouldn't be doing half as good as you are if this happened to me... keep your head up xxx


 

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