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  1. #11
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    Contact Legal Aid first thing.

    I personally would never be splitting my kids. It's not like dividing assets ffs! They're kids. TBH, I think kids find it a lot easier when their siblings are with them... having my parents split wasn't too bad in that I no longer lived with Dad, but if Dad had taken my brother and I was with Mum, it'd have been really difficult. I liked that I had him around who was going through the same thing.

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    Stiflers Mom  (08-05-2012)

  3. #12
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    Children remain together except in extenuating circumstances. Good luck.

  4. #13
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    When my parents split up us four children were also divided.

    The younger two went with dad (ages 3 and 6) and us older two went with mum (ages 8 and 10).

    We always had the option to "swap" who we were living with, but it was always 2 with one, 2 with another.

    I don't agree with it and I'll never EVER split my children up should something happen between myself and DH. It affected our sibling relationship, the relationship morphing to almost cousins. Now we're all adults we're closer. But it shouldn't have been that way.

    Mum and dad always used to guilt us too, we were pieces in their game. Head games and black mail between the two. It was just messy. And unfair. We needed stability and a home. Not to be shipped around or divided up.

    Also why did dad not want me? Why did they pick certain kids? It just harbours resentment.

    Anyway. Good luck with it all. Sorry you're going through this.
    Xoxo

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    share a book  (10-05-2012),tweedledee*tweedledum  (08-05-2012)

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by detajach View Post
    When my parents split up us four children were also divided.

    The younger two went with dad (ages 3 and 6) and us older two went with mum (ages 8 and 10).

    We always had the option to "swap" who we were living with, but it was always 2 with one, 2 with another.

    I don't agree with it and I'll never EVER split my children up should something happen between myself and DH. It affected our sibling relationship, the relationship morphing to almost cousins. Now we're all adults we're closer. But it shouldn't have been that way.

    Mum and dad always used to guilt us too, we were pieces in their game. Head games and black mail between the two. It was just messy. And unfair. We needed stability and a home. Not to be shipped around or divided up.

    Also why did dad not want me? Why did they pick certain kids? It just harbours resentment.

    Anyway. Good luck with it all. Sorry you're going through this.
    Xoxo
    Thank you so much for your personal insight. You have described exactly what I want to avoid for our children. The fact that there will always be one left on their own away from the others would be horrendously hard. Our children would not understand why they are being separated and they would think it was something they had done wrong. I want to avoid that at all costs.

    I have no issue with us sharing our children equally, where they all stay with me for a few days and then him a few days. As long as they are together, that's all I want. I just can't understand why my husband doesn't see it this way.

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    share a book  (10-05-2012)

  8. #15
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    My 5 year old lives with her aunt and uncle. Not getting into here, but she is happy and all that.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by tweedledee*tweedledum View Post
    Thank you so much for your personal insight. You have described exactly what I want to avoid for our children. The fact that there will always be one left on their own away from the others would be horrendously hard. Our children would not understand why they are being separated and they would think it was something they had done wrong. I want to avoid that at all costs.

    I have no issue with us sharing our children equally, where they all stay with me for a few days and then him a few days. As long as they are together, that's all I want. I just can't understand why my husband doesn't see it this way.
    At the end of the day it's not really up to him.
    If you don't agree it will end up in court and I doubt any judge will agree to it.
    They look at what is best for the kids not for him.
    I doubt he is serious about walking away sounds more like a threat so you agree.
    But if he is he will look like a fool in court.

    I agree contact legal aid ASAP and get the ball rolling.
    Dont let him bully you with anything.

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    share a book  (10-05-2012)

  11. #17
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    My best friend was split between her families. Her Mother wanted to move overseas and drove to the airport with both kids and told her Dad to pick one to keep. Absolutely revolting, and it has destroyed her. Kids need to grow up in the same household. It isn't the relationship with their parents that matters, it is the relationship with their siblings that counts. Your parents die one day, and all you have left are your brothers and sisters. Breaking siblings up is worse than breaking families up.

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  13. #18
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    Sounds to me that he's trying to emotionally blackmail you.

    A court would not split up the kids. Best he can hope for is 50/50 and sounds like you are open to that.

    Call his bluff, get mediation happening, and do not discuss it with the kids. They don't need to be brought into adult issues.

    lay down exactly what you want, what you'd be happy with, and if he can't come to terms with that, then mediation probably wont work, in which case you'll end up in court and the court will make the decission based on the children's best intrests. (which will most likely be 50/50 all together or nothing at all!).

    Good luck xox

  14. #19
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    please don't let him try to separate them. i am sure that would have a very negative effect on the kids. The better option is for him to try to work with you to co parent both kids as much as possible. If he is not willing to compromise then what type of dad is he…a bit selfish if you ask me.

    I believe that if circumstances allow he can apply for 50/50 custody, but my understanding is that the default is 50/50 responsibility of the children - which means they are with one parent but the responsibility is shared. In circumstances where the other parent lives close enough to their school and is willing and able to do joint custody there is a good chance they will get it. The age of the child is important, if they are under 10 then their preference is not taken into as much consideration as if they were older.

    So it depends on alot of stuff.

    When it comes to divorce and custody - KNOWLEDGE IS POWER - get legal advice ASAP.

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  16. #20
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    I agree with everyone else, call his bluff. Sibs need to be kept together and a court is never going to agree to that based on what you've said. I also agree he's trying to emotionally blackmail you. I would tell him leaving their life won't hurt you, only him and your kids


 

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