Hugs to you, I cant imagine how hard this must be.
I really don't believe in sending her a message pretending to be him or telling him you have spoken to her and she has confessed. Lies should not be confronted with lies, you are only stooping to his level.
I know I would not be able to wait until the weekend to confront him, to live with this uncertainty and anguish and pretend everything is ok can not be healthy.
Confront him. Wait until you are alone together and sit down and talk about it like two adults. There is no room for deception and mistrust in a marriage. Even if he does delete the messages, he knows they existed, you know they existed, he has a lot of questions to answer. Like another PP suggested be prepared with a plan of action for any response you get from him. What do you expect from him??
What an ***!!!!! I would be confronting him now, but that's me.
I'm going to disagree slightly here and say that if you don't feel you can face him about it tonight, then don't. But don't put it off because you want more evidence.
Also don't present him with your proof. Just tell him you have it and be vague about it. He could heal you a lot by telling you what he's done as opposed to you telling him what he's done.
Do what YOU need to do, and how you feel you should do it. But at the same time re read previous posts as they contain some brilliant advice.
One piece of advice that someone taught me which makes sense in my head is let him tell u everything before u tell him what u know.
The reason: if there is any way to build up trust again, it's easier knowing that he has some ounce of honesty in him rather than u not giving him a chance to come clean and then u never know if he would have been honest and told u in the first place. Hope that makes sense
And I definitely wouldn't wait. You have plenty of that, and I don't think you will be able to act like everything is normal until then...it will tear you up inside.
I'm very sorry this has happened
IMO you don't need proof. Now OR later. You know what he's done, how will having it on paper change what he did? He can lie and say that it never happened, but YOU will still know that it did.
Confront him. Deal with his behaviour. If you wait, the only thing you're waiting for is for it to get worse.
*hugs* This is a horrible situation to deal with.
i agree with the pp about being vague - to me, if hubby broke down and was honest with me then i could probably forgive (but not forget).
it would go a long way to rebuilding the trust, and as he actually hasn't cheated on you physically there is probably a relationship to salvage.
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