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  1. #81
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    Hugs

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    Hugs to you, I cant imagine how hard this must be.

    I really don't believe in sending her a message pretending to be him or telling him you have spoken to her and she has confessed. Lies should not be confronted with lies, you are only stooping to his level.

    I know I would not be able to wait until the weekend to confront him, to live with this uncertainty and anguish and pretend everything is ok can not be healthy.

    Confront him. Wait until you are alone together and sit down and talk about it like two adults. There is no room for deception and mistrust in a marriage. Even if he does delete the messages, he knows they existed, you know they existed, he has a lot of questions to answer. Like another PP suggested be prepared with a plan of action for any response you get from him. What do you expect from him??

    Good Luck

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    What an ***!!!!! I would be confronting him now, but that's me.

    Good luck!

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    I'm going to disagree slightly here and say that if you don't feel you can face him about it tonight, then don't. But don't put it off because you want more evidence.

    Also don't present him with your proof. Just tell him you have it and be vague about it. He could heal you a lot by telling you what he's done as opposed to you telling him what he's done.

    Do what YOU need to do, and how you feel you should do it. But at the same time re read previous posts as they contain some brilliant advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bambino View Post
    So far the messages have been sporadic, not regular. And it looks like mainly weekends from the dates sent.
    I'm thinking to give it until Sunday evening to see if there are anymore messages added? If there are, I can print them off, the more the better for proof?
    Does more messages make it somehow worse? Does the number of messages now fall into an acceptable range? For me personally, un acceptable starts at one inappropriate message. I can understand your reluctance but I promise you that sitting on this and waiting for it to get worse or more damning isn't going to help anything. At the very least I'd be printing or screen grabbing these messages in preparation for confronting him.

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    One piece of advice that someone taught me which makes sense in my head is let him tell u everything before u tell him what u know.

    The reason: if there is any way to build up trust again, it's easier knowing that he has some ounce of honesty in him rather than u not giving him a chance to come clean and then u never know if he would have been honest and told u in the first place. Hope that makes sense

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    Alphabetsoup  (10-05-2012),Atropos  (09-05-2012),halloweendee  (09-05-2012),twotrunks  (10-05-2012)

  10. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    One piece of advice that someone taught me which makes sense in my head is let him tell u everything before u tell him what u know.

    The reason: if there is any way to build up trust again, it's easier knowing that he has some ounce of honesty in him rather than u not giving him a chance to come clean and then u never know if he would have been honest and told u in the first place. Hope that makes sense
    ^ yes

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    Don't question him on it, that gives him the opportunity to twist and turn his way out, to make it out like its no big deal.
    Give it to him as facts "I know you have been doing this and that etc" instead of "have you been doing xyz?"
    Print off all you can first as evidence. Before you say anything.

    This. 110% this. Don't give him the chance to get out of it, or to make it seem like anything less than what it is
    And I definitely wouldn't wait. You have plenty of that, and I don't think you will be able to act like everything is normal until then...it will tear you up inside.
    I'm very sorry this has happened

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    IMO you don't need proof. Now OR later. You know what he's done, how will having it on paper change what he did? He can lie and say that it never happened, but YOU will still know that it did.

    Confront him. Deal with his behaviour. If you wait, the only thing you're waiting for is for it to get worse.
    *hugs* This is a horrible situation to deal with.

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    i agree with the pp about being vague - to me, if hubby broke down and was honest with me then i could probably forgive (but not forget).

    it would go a long way to rebuilding the trust, and as he actually hasn't cheated on you physically there is probably a relationship to salvage.


 

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