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  1. #21
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    Just yesterday jasper threw a tantrum over just that and my response was "you still cant have a bickie, but you can have a cuddle"

    And I dont think anyone said ignore the behaviour. But to try to ignore the "i dont love you" and come back and talk about it later.

    And time out for us is a BIG punishment. Theres no cooling off in time out. Jasper just gets more and more hysterical.
    Last edited by Boobycino; 07-05-2012 at 08:24.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eclecticdreamer View Post
    Talking to a child about something they do is completely different than ignoring them.

    I had meant I couldn't understand how someone could just ignore there child after hurting their sibling, throwing a heavy toy cause they are ****ed or putting themselves in danger by climbing up the side of the stairs.

    I completely believe in talking things out with children but if they get into a tantrum and start venting and saying mean things because they cant have a cookie, etc then I think they need a time out and an explanation why. I think the child needs to think about what they are doing. It's a great way to cool down.
    They are ignoring the kid saying 'i hate you' etc as a result of them disciplining the kid.

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  3. #23
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    DD has never said it, but if she did, id probably have said something like 'I understand you are feeling very angry, but that isn't a very nice thing to say, it hurts mummy's feelings.Lets think of some other things you can say when you are feeling very angry and want to tell mummy how you feel.

    Depends what kind of kid you have I think. Ignoring them might work better with others.

  4. #24
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    I used to say 'I don't love you anymore' to my mum. I'm sure she didn't like it but she got over it.. It was just a phase, I was 5 and I thought I knew everything!!

    I'm happy to say I love my mum more than anything, we r best friends!

    Just remember they're only saying it coz they don't know how else to get to you, so that you give in..

    Admittedly wen my boys start with this stuff it will probably hurt me too!

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    DD has never said it, but if she did, id probably have said something like 'I understand you are feeling very angry, but that isn't a very nice thing to say, it hurts mummy's feelings.Lets think of some other things you can say when you are feeling very angry and want to tell mummy how you feel.

    Depends what kind of kid you have I think. Ignoring them might work better with others.
    Thats about what I would do - depending on age or situation etc.

    Or a combination of "thats makes me very sad to hear you say that but I will never stop loving you"


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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eclecticdreamer View Post
    I'm shocked to see people just ignore this behavior and accept it as normal and just a stage.

    Will you choose to ignore their rebellions when they are teens and they start showing interest in drugs and such? If you can't show your child respect now when they are young and are learning how to behave from you how can you see things going well later on when they don't need to listen to you!
    Yeah probably.... You know a bit of cocaine here and there is no biggie.....

    What a bloody stupid thing to say Eclecticdreamer! My DD says these things for shock value, for attention. Best way to deal with unwanted attention seekin behaviour = ignore it.

    Pfffft what a ****.

  7. #27
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    We actually don't use timeout because like Boobycino said, it works DS1 up even more rather than allowing time for reflection. We use natural consequences when it comes to discipline - and if there isn't a natural consequence he's given a warning and if the behaviour continues he loses privileges (such as the tv). The things I have to tell him often don't receive these responses because he's not doing anything wrong or naughty - they're just bad habits that he has trouble breaking. He gets there eventually and pulls himself up too.

    When he's done the "I don't love you anymore" moments I have been doing as PP suggested - telling him I will always love him and reminding him that saying those things hurts my feelings. When calm I talk to him about it and remind him why it's mummy and daddy's job to teach him things sometimes etc. I know it will pass. I just have a very emotional child.

    For example his Dad moved one of his toys this morning (he wasn't playing with it at the time and it was in the middle of the floor). He burst into tears and shouted at daddy that he was an awful, mean daddy. I had to break it down for him to help him calm down. Ie - were you playing with it now? No. If you want to play with it later can you? Yes. Why did daddy move it? So we don't trip. So should you thank daddy and say sorry for yelling at him? Yes.
    He just flies off the handle easily. It's a process to help him work through it.

    I think the main issue is that it upsets me - which as a PP said is probably a support (or lack of sleep with teething baby!) issue as much as anything!

    Perhaps I need more chocolate

  8. #28
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    Eclecticdreamer I think you've read the posts wrong. No one is saying they don't discipline their kids for their behaviour, in fact the OP's problem directly relates to the fact that she is disciplining her child.

    time out for my DD1 is an awesome way to watch the devil inside come out and escalate the situation by 1000. Time out is not the be all and end all and it does not work for every child.

  9. #29
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    I only use time out for extreme behaviour (like hitting, not listening repeatedly, obstinance) not for hurtful words that are really about my child reaching out to me.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    id probably have said something like 'I understand you are feeling very angry, but that isn't a very nice thing to say, it hurts mummy's feelings.
    I think they know that. That is the whole point. They are angry and want to strike out.
    It represents progress - before they could just stamp their feet, scream and hit.
    Ignoring might work. Smarter kids might see through it, and need discipline.


 

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