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  1. #11
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    DD1 has never done the I Hate You thing, but she does the whole 'You dont love me' thing. She does it to me, to DF, to DD2. It hurts. I think I could handle the I hate you, but for her to express that she thinks I don't love her coz I'm busy doing something? It's hard.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eclecticdreamer View Post
    I'm shocked to see people just ignore this behavior and accept it as normal and just a stage.

    Will you choose to ignore their rebellions when they are teens and they start showing interest in drugs and such? If you can't show your child respect now when they are young and are learning how to behave from you how can you see things going well later on when they don't need to listen to you!
    Ummm what? Judgey wudgey much just because people don't use your method of discipline? Personally I would never put a child in time out because they are experessing their feelings. I'd rather talk about them and get them to understand what they are feeling better and teach them a better way to express their emotions. As far as I'm concerned that is showing your child respect. Perhaps the parents of the kids who are straight ignoring them know that they're just saying to get a reaction out of their parent and no reaction at all is the best way of dealing it.
    My DD said some pretty hurtful things to me last year. She was never given a time out, we did what I wrote in my previous post and she hasn't said anything like it for 6 months. To me that = a pretty effective parenting method.
    So instead of being shocked and judging the way other people choose to parent you could just realise that different parenting methods work for different people.

  3. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Areca For This Useful Post:

    2girls1boyplus1  (07-05-2012),MissMuppet  (07-05-2012),MsImpatient  (07-05-2012),River Song  (07-05-2012),shelle65  (07-05-2012),waterlily  (07-05-2012)

  4. #13
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    K
    Quote Originally Posted by Eclecticdreamer View Post
    I'm shocked to see people just ignore this behavior and accept it as normal and just a stage.

    Will you choose to ignore their rebellions when they are teens and they start showing interest in drugs and such? If you can't show your child respect now when they are young and are learning how to behave from you how can you see things going well later on when they don't need to listen to you!
    A four year saying "I don't love you anymore" and the advice is try not to let it hurt you & to come back and talk about it when you are both calm = permissive with teenagers and drugs.

    I don't see the connection?!?
    Last edited by Boobycino; 07-05-2012 at 07:55.

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    Sariele  (10-05-2012),shelle65  (07-05-2012)

  6. #14
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    I would say "I'm sorry to hear that cause I love you very much, always and forever."
    If you have been sucessful in teaching empathy, they may feel bad then

  7. #15
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    I agree Areca!
    DD told me I wasn't her beat friend anymore.
    No way would I punish her for that. I told her it wasn't a nice thing to say and really hurt my feelings. She said sorry and the situation was done.

    Why aren't children allowed to express there feelings?

    Not putting kids in a time out chair will lead them to drugs too! Wow that's interesting!!

    FYI respect needs to be EARNED- that is aimed at parents. Kids need to be shown respect before they can ever learn to be respectful.
    Last edited by waterlily; 07-05-2012 at 07:59.

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  9. #16
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    My families view on this os that a chills 'hate' is not like an adults, at four they are still little and learning how to express themselves and their emotions, if you punish them for expressing how they genuinely feel then that is not productive,


    When a 4 year old gets ib trouble for something they feel hurt, upset, angry and very well may 'hate' your response and they don't have the brain capacity or language to say hey you upset me mum and I didn't like that so they will respond with I 'hate' you, they dont understand why pulling the dogs hair is 'bad' they are just looking at it as a cause and affect scenario.

    It IS a developmental norm and ignoring it or validating the way the child feels is the best way to deal with it.


    If he has the language skills perhaps when he says I hate you get down to his level and say something like 'i know youbare angry right now but it hurts when you do xyz so that is why I told you not to do it, it also hurts mummy when you say you hate her so please say abc (something you would prefer to hear) instead'


    Or ignore it or say thats okay because I still love you.


    Realise it it a phase and the child does not really hate you they are just upset and don't have the words to express it.

    Sent from my MB526 using BubHub

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    Talking to a child about something they do is completely different than ignoring them.

    I had meant I couldn't understand how someone could just ignore there child after hurting their sibling, throwing a heavy toy cause they are ****ed or putting themselves in danger by climbing up the side of the stairs.

    I completely believe in talking things out with children but if they get into a tantrum and start venting and saying mean things because they cant have a cookie, etc then I think they need a time out and an explanation why. I think the child needs to think about what they are doing. It's a great way to cool down.

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    Re time out, it doesn't work for all kids. I have a spirited 3.5yo, and he sees time out as a challenge and smirks and circumvents it.

    Even if it did work, I wouldn't use it when my son says mean things as I don't think punishing these intense emotions.

    I just tend to ignore it, or explain it hurts my feelings.

  12. #19
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    My 2.5yo dd is just finishing with this stage...
    We handled it by first explaining that it makes mummy and daddy a little sad to hear that but we still love her allll the time...
    From here on out she said it just to get a reaction-shed smile as she said it-just to see what we did.
    We made it into a bit of fun and she would always say "I'm kidding"

  13. #20
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    I did not say not putting kids in a time out will lead to drugs!

    I said parents that don't discipline their children now and just ignore bad behavior; discipline being whatever method you choose; are going to have a hard time controlling them when they are teens.


 

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